At Least It’s Not A Life Sentence

January 13, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Courts, Crime, Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Law, VW 1 Comment

Or lebenslänglich*, as the Germans like to call it. It’s only 169 years.

Or could be. For Volkswagen managers who get arrested in US-Amerika, I mean.

A U.S. judge on Thursday ordered a Volkswagen executive charged in the Justice Department’s diesel emissions investigation held without bail pending trial. Oliver Schmidt was arrested Saturday at Miami’s International Airport as he planned to fly home after a vacation. He was one of six current and former VW executives charged this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit. The other five are in Germany and are unlikely to be extradited…

Schmidt is charged with eleven felony counts, which could be punished by up to 169 years in prison, the government said.

VW-Manager drohen bis zu 169 Jahre Gefängnis

* There is no such think as a life sentence in Germany, by the way. A life sentence is 15 years here.

Angela Merkel To Be Deported

November 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Asylum, Courts, Deportation, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Law, Merkel, Refugees, Rulings, Syria Leave a comment

Although it looks to me like they may have picked the wrong one.

Late last year, a Syrian woman gave birth to a girl at a former hospital that had been repurposed into a refugee shelter in Duisburg, Germany. She and her husband had only recently arrived in Germany and wanted to honor their new home. So, they named their daughter Angela Merkel.

But less than a month before the infant’s first birthday, the Al-Hamza family’s future in their adopted country isn’t looking so sure. According to the Bild newspaper, the family was told their asylum application had been rejected by Germany’s Federal Office for Migration and Refugees. Instead, the Al-Hamza family has been offered “subsidiary protection,” a separate legal status that protects people from deportation for an initial period of one year but does not allow them to bring their family to Germany. They may stay longer if they are shown to be working and learning German to a sufficient level.

“There are no indications that the Syrian state puts everyone under general suspicion of belonging to the opposition.”

Charges Dropped Against German Comedian Because He Wasn’t Being Funny On Purpose

October 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Comedians, Comedy, Erdogan, Freedom of Speech, Jan Boehmermann, Justice, Law, Satire, ZDF Leave a comment

He was only being funny by accident, investigators say, so that’s OK.

If he had been funny while trying to be funny on purpose, however, this guy would have been up Scheiße Creek without a paddle. Germany comedy is no laughing matter, folks.

Prosecutors have been praised in Germany for dropping a criminal probe into a poem perceived as insulting by Turkish President Recep Erdogan. Satirist Jan Böhmermann’s wording unleashed a diplomatic row last April…

In a three-page declaration Thursday, the prosecutors said their investigation had not established a deliberate intent to insult (insult comedy = to be funny, or can be), sufficient to lead to a criminal conviction.

Es ist enorm wichtig für mich als Künstler in solchen Zeiten einen starken, selbstbewussten öffentlich-rechtlichen Sender mit klarer, unabhängiger Haltung hinter sich zu wissen.

Just Get Me To The Day Care Center On Time

September 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Child Marriage, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Laws, Legality, Refugees Leave a comment

Germany’s Central Register of Foreign Nationals published statistics on Friday that raised alarm bells across the country: There are 1,475 children, foreign nationals living in Germany, listed as “married” on their official paperwork. Even more troubling, said the office, was the likelihood that the actual number is much higher…

The most highly represented country of origin was Syria (664). There were also many from Afghanistan (157) and Iraq (100), but also on the list were European countries like Bulgaria (65), Poland (41), Romania (33) and Greece (32).

At least 361 migrants aged under 14 are married in Germany.

German Of The Day: Majestätsbeleidigung

April 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Böhmermann, Censorship, Erdogan, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Insults, Justice, Language, Law, Legislation, Satire, Slander Leave a comment

That means a slight or an insult against a sovereign majesty-type person (lèse majesté).

You know, the crime German comedian Jan Böhmermann recently committed against the Top Sultan What’s in Charge in Turkey? In the year 2016, I mean?

Anyways, this law, paragraph 103, is still on the books here in Germany and Hamburg’s justice minister has decided to go way out on the limb here and give it a shot and see if he could maybe sort of like get rid of this ridiculous piece of legislation already. It would be a big step forward into the unknown and all that, of course, but I, for one, am convinced that German civilization will be able to handle it.

Die Justizbehörde geht davon aus, dass das Gesetz noch vor der Sommerpause gestrichen werden könnte und das Verfahren gegen Böhmermann dann eingestellt werden müsste. Davon unberührt blieben jedoch Ermittlungen gegen Böhmermann wegen Beleidigung nach Paragraf 185 Strafgesetzbuch.

Censorship Is For Everyone

April 5, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Censorship, Freedom of Speech, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Law, Lawsuits, Rammstein, State Control Leave a comment

Just like Liebe.

Hey, you know the deal here in Germany: Anything that is not expressly allowed is strictly forbidden. Or at least very, very, very suspicious. You know, like free speech?

Rammstein has filed a lawsuit against Germany for having temporarily indexed the album “Liebe ist für alle da,” said a spokesperson of the Bonn Regional Court on Monday (04.04.2016). The rock band is seeking 66,000 euros (nearly $75,000) in damages.

In 2009, the Federal Department for Media Harmful to Young Persons, a German governmental agency responsible for listing works that could potentially harm youths, had decided that one of the songs of the album, “Ich tu dir weh,” as well as the pictures in the booklet accompanying the CD, were “brutalizing” and “immoral.” The entire album was indexed.

Once a work gets listed by the organization, it may not be advertised and can only be sold under strict conditions – limiting its potential success.

Ist alles, was nicht ausdrücklich verboten ist, erlaubt?

“Journalism Isn’t Treason”

August 4, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Freedom of Speech, Freedom of the Press, German, Germans, Germany, Internet, Journalism, Justice, Law, Maas, Range, Treason Leave a comment

That’s very true. But that’s not the issue here. Go ask folks like Edward Snowden or Julian Assange and they’ll tell you. We now live in an age where treason isn’t treason, either.

The case centres on the Netzpolitik.org (Net politics) blog, which earlier this year published documents on plans by Germany’s domestic security agency to expand its Internet surveillance.

“The freedom of the press and of expression is a valuable asset. But this freedom, including on the Internet, is not limitless. It does not absolve journalists of the duty to comply with the law.”

That’s One Small Spout For A Man…

January 22, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Justice, Renters, Sitzpinkler, Urinate Standing Up, Urination 2 Comments

And one giant leak for MANkind!

I don’t make this stuff up, people.

A German court on Thursday ruled in favour of men’s right to urinate standing up, after a landlord tried to retain part of a tenant’s €3,000 (£2,300) deposit for allegedly damaging the marble floor of a toilet by sprinkling it with urine.

The debate about whether men should stand or sit when urinating is no laughing matter in Germany, where some toilets have red traffic-style signs forbidding the standing position. There is also a derogatory term for men who sit and pee – “Sitzpinkler” – which implies that it is not masculine behaviour.

Der Hausbesitzer wollte 1900 Euro einbehalten, weil der Marmorboden der Toilette abgestumpft war.

German Of The Day: Lebenslänglich

June 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Media, Murder, Prisons, Punishment 1 Comment

That means life-long, like in a life-long prison sentence?

That’s what this guy here got for killing that young woman there (and someone else not pictured), pretty much televised live. Actually, he got two life-long prison sentences. And that’s why he’s getting out of prison now because life-long in Germany, as in life-long prison sentence life-long, means 15 years and since he was sentenced in 1991 that means that, well, I dunno, he’s been in there a whole lot of years and it’s only fair that he be allowed to come out now, right?

Das Landgericht in Essen hatte die beiden Männer 1991 zu lebenslanger Haft verurteilt.

When The German Anti-Terror Units Aren’t Sick The German Taliban Are

December 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria Tags: Afghanistan, Bundeswehr, Disease Mongering, Fake Illnesses, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Hypochondria, Justice, Law, Legalese, Legality, Satire, Taliban, Terror, Terrorists 1 Comment

Only Germans can come up with Pretraumatic Stress Disorder. But now we can take this puppy up a notch higher.

“German Taliban” Josef D. (the guy in the middle with the skin problem) joins a terrorist group, gets himself a Kalaschnikow, goes to Afghanistan intending to do that jihad thing but then gets Durchfall (diarrhea) and therefore cannot take part in all the cool attacks planned on US installations there so he has to return home to Germany where he promptly gets busted (I’m not sure for what, though).

Now his lawyer informs us that his Schuldfähigkeit (legal culpability) needs to be looked into very intensely and thoroughly-like because not only does this guy have terrible awful diarrhea problems, he also suddenly seems to be suffering from some kind of mysterious mental disorder. Uh, wait a minute. Don’t all terrorists suffer from some kind of mysterious mental disorder?

Anyways, this all has a certain logic to it if you ask me. Germany is the number one country when it comes to doctor visits, after all. Politicians get sick and throw in the towel here all the time. German intellectuals regularly get ill or “burn out” while analyzing the world around them. A huge portion of German youth suffers from “social phobia” and half a million Germans are hopelessly “addicted” to the Internet. Hell, even the German Pope gets sick and has to go into early retirement, for crying out loud.

It’s just not easy being a German, I guess. Without getting sick, I mean. But like doesn’t somebody out there – who is German – have to do it?

Wegen einer chronischen Durchfallerkrankung habe er aber nicht an Anschlägen und Angriffen der Gruppe auf afghanische und US-Einrichtungen teilnehmen können, so die Bundesanwaltschaft.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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