Living Up To Contractual Obligations Causing Angst

March 1, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Language, NATO, Obligations, Sigmar Gabriel, Spending, Trump 3 Comments

Concerned about possibly turning Germany into a military superpower again by raising its defense spending from 1.3 to 2 percent of its gross domestic product (as agreed to by Germany many years ago in NATO), Germany’s foreign minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD) says that this could cause angst elsewhere in Europe, and most certainly at the German ministry of finance, and therefore maybe ought to be put off for an other 10 to 15 years or so. Or maybe longer. It all depends.

Angst is a terrible thing, people. And so is Verarschung (being bullshited). But angst is worse, I guess.

“Für Deutschland unrealistisch.”

German Of The Day: Gegendert

February 23, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Bureaucracy, Gender, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Political correctness 1 Comment

That means gendered. You know, as in language-wise?

In Berlin, for instance, male words used on public forms and applications can be very disturbing. At least that’s what SPD politicians here think. So that is why they are seeing to it that more female vocabulary will be introduced in the future. I don’t know quite what that means (the ones with die instead of der or das?) but I’m sure they must know what they are doing, right?

“Only using male words gives the impression that the form only applies to the male population and this is not the case.”

Damn. Why didn’t anybody ever think of this before? No wonder I could never figure out how to fill out my maternity leave application.

„Nur männliche Wörter zu verwenden, erweckt den Anschein, als betreffe der Antrag nur die männliche Bevölkerung. Das stimmt aber nicht.“

PS: What will they think of next? Sending men and women to different bathrooms?

German Of The Day: Populismus

February 22, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hideology, Hypocrisy Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Language, Martin Schulz, Populism, Social Democrats, Socialism, SPD Leave a comment

That means a left-wing political doctrine that proposes to help the common people who are being exploited by a corrupt dominant elite. Or at least the one I am referring to here is of the left-wing variety.

Ironically, this particular form of Populismus is being proposed by a leading member of that corrupt dominant elite himself. But this is the left-wing variety, as I said, and this type of thing has a long tradition so it is therefore “OK.”

The Social Democrats have presented a serious, new challenger for upcoming federal elections. But they are using the same old lines about social justice when there are more important things to talk about, writes a former economics minister (himself once in the SPD).

German Of The Day: Du Darfst

February 20, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Internet, Kim Dotcom, Language, Megaupload, New Zealand Leave a comment

That means you may, or you are allowed to.

You know, as in New Zealand allowing Kim Dotcom to be extradited to US-Amerika itself for racketeering charges? Yes, Kim. You may. The entire Dotcom family is really upset, I assume, but they’ll get over it. In a decade or two.

A New Zealand judge on Monday upheld an earlier court ruling that flamboyant internet entrepreneur Kim Dotcom and three of his colleagues can be extradited to the U.S. to face criminal charges.

The decision comes five years after U.S. authorities shut down Dotcom’s file-sharing website Megaupload and filed charges of conspiracy, racketeering and money laundering against the men. If found guilty, they could face decades in prison.

German Of The Day: Schweinefurz

February 10, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Bans, Böhmermann, Courts, Erdogan, Free speech, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Law, Satire Leave a comment

That means pig fart. And pig farts are super hilarious here in Germany (Hey, German humor is what it is. I’m not passing judgement here or anything).

Unless, of course, they are directed toward foreign heads of state, so-to-speak.

A German court upheld ban on a satirical poem which suggested Turkey’s president had sex with animals and watched child porn. The Hamburg court upheld its injunction issued in May banning re-publication of parts of the poem which it called ‘abusive and defamatory’.

A lamb or a llama fart probably probably wouldn’t have been all that bad in this guy’s poem, but pig fart? That just doesn’t cut it (Cut it, get it?).

„Schweinefurz“ ist für Erdogan besonders ehrverletzend.

“Overwhelming And Sustained Public Presence”

January 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Anglicisms, Fake News, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Words Leave a comment

That’s what the English term fake news has in Germany. And that’s why it just won Anglicism of the year 2016 (that’s bigger than the Oscars over here, folks).

Fake (pronounced “fack” as in Fack ju Göhte) and news (pronounced “noose”) is more than the sum of its parts. Much more. It fills a gap in German vocabulary that would otherwise not be filled. That is, unless you filled this gap with fake German news, a term for which there is no proper German term. This is because all the news here is fake, always has been (state-run TV, know what I’m saying?). But it’s all good clean fun and nobody gets hurt feelings because Germany is a benevolent all-intrusive kinda state, right? Not always has been, but still.

„Fake News“ wird im Englischen den Angaben zufolge etwa seit dem Ende des 19. Jahrhunderts verwendet: Damals seien bewusste Falschmeldungen in Zeitungen ab und an so bezeichnet worden.

German Of The Day: Stiff Upper Lippe

January 16, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Donald Trump, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Merkel, Migrants, NATO, Protectionism, Refugees 1 Comment

That means stiff upper lip.

And that’s what meany Berlin politician types are struggling with to keep up after Donald Trump’s latest bizarre attacks against Germany, the EU and NATO.

In trying to console themselves, however, many German stiff-upper-lippers remind the rest of us that Donald Trump is also against the UN, the CIA, the FBI, AC/DC, TCP/IP and even LSD itself, to name just a few. Although the LSD…

With a stiff upper lip, Steffen Seibert instead pledged that Berlin would “co-operate closely” with the Trump administration.

My German Is More Dumber Than Your German Is

January 14, 2017 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Humor Tags: 99 Cent, Amazon, Antecdotes, Barnes & Noble, Berlin, Book Sales, Books, eBooks, Free Ebooks, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, iTunes, Jokes, Language, Sales, Smashwords, Travel Leave a comment

It’s 99 cent blowout ebook sale time again! Like how outrageous is that?

Dumb Deutsch: Absurd German Language Errors (auch für deutsche Leser geeignet)

Also available at iTunes, Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, etc. For a limited time only or something.*

“Very funny book, relating dumb things people say while trying out their high school German. Laughing so hard at my normally quiet workplace I had tears in my eyes, my boss walked by and asked if I was OK. Oh yeah! She has a great sense of humor with an eye toward languages. Buy this book and laugh yourself silly!”

–Kilgore Trout

* I’d give this ebook away for free but then you wouldn’t read it and that would be irresponsible so I won’t.

At Least It’s Not A Life Sentence

January 13, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Courts, Crime, Dieselgate, German, Germans, Germany, Justice, Language, Law, VW 1 Comment

Or lebenslänglich*, as the Germans like to call it. It’s only 169 years.

Or could be. For Volkswagen managers who get arrested in US-Amerika, I mean.

A U.S. judge on Thursday ordered a Volkswagen executive charged in the Justice Department’s diesel emissions investigation held without bail pending trial. Oliver Schmidt was arrested Saturday at Miami’s International Airport as he planned to fly home after a vacation. He was one of six current and former VW executives charged this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit. The other five are in Germany and are unlikely to be extradited…

Schmidt is charged with eleven felony counts, which could be punished by up to 169 years in prison, the government said.

VW-Manager drohen bis zu 169 Jahre Gefängnis

* There is no such think as a life sentence in Germany, by the way. A life sentence is 15 years here.

German Bad Word Of The Year 2016: Volksverräter

January 10, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Language, Merkel, Politicians, Words Leave a comment

That means traitor, or traitor of the people. And it’s actually a non-word or un-word of the year, not just a bad word of the year. Although it’s all three, I guess.

And if you look carefully at that photo you will see the feminine form of that word. Just in case you were wondering.

Each year, German linguists elect one word as the ‘Unwort’ (non-word) of the year. For 2016, the winner was a term meaning ‘traitor’ which has strong Nazi connotations.

Das Wort sei ein “Erbe von Diktaturen“, sagte sie. In der Begründung der Jury heißt es, Anhänger von Pegida, AfD und ähnlichen Initiativen würden den Begriff als Vorwurf gegenüber Politikern verwenden. Er sei undifferenziert und diffamierend und würde “das ernsthafte Gespräch und damit die für Demokratie notwendigen Diskussionen in der Gesellschaft” abwürgen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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