Putin Clearly Shocked By EU Sanctions

March 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Aggression, Crimea, EU, Germans, Germany, Humor, Merkel, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Satire, Ukraine 1 Comment

The European Union’s daring suspension of talks with Russia on something or other after Russia’s military incursion into Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula has shocked Russian president Vlad Putin so thoroughly that he has just been sighted wandering around in a shirtless daze on his shirtless horse somewhere near what is still the Ukrainian border but probably won’t be for very much longer.

Thank goodness he has not yet found out that the EU is also threatening even “tougher sanctions” unless Moscow swiftly defuses the crisis and Putin puts his shirt back on.

Meanwhile, Angela Merkel is still doing her damndest to put on the sanction brakes but has now announced that she is at least prepared to cast dirty looks at Putin, if he and his horse can be located. And if all else fails, of course.

Die Staats- und Regierungschefs der EU haben sich auf kleine Sanktionen gegen Russland verständigt.

Germany Still Exporting Too Much Stuff

March 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: EU, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Putin, Russia, Satire, Trade, Ukraine Leave a comment

The German export surplus is still threatening the rest of Europe, the European Commission says.

Berlin disagrees, of course, pointing out that it imports tons of stuff, too.

Germany imports 24 percent of Russia’s natural gas exports, for instance, more than any other European country. It also has an 8.7 percent share of Russia’s foreign trade. Germany is also Russia’s biggest oil market, taking almost 700,000 barrels a day back in 2012. No dependency here. So quit the moaning already, Brussels, and let us get back to work.

“Der Handlungsbedarf ist erheblich angesichts der Größe der deutschen Wirtschaft.”

Where’s Gazprom-Gerd When You Need Him?

March 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Diplomacy, Foreign Policy, Gerhard Schröder, German, Germans, Germany, Politics, Putin, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

Probably taking tea at the “dyed-in-the-wool democrat’s” dacha.

When it comes to Russia’s unsolicited visit to Ukraine, German officials go out of their way to say that gas, money or jobs play absolutely no role in Berlin’s predictably soft-spoken, low-keyed, muffled, namby-pamby, wussy, pantywaisted and yellow bellied response to said unfortunate visit.

So now we all know of course that gas, money and jobs are probably playing the biggest role in Berlin’s said sad response to said event.

“Imposing sanctions on Russia because of Ukraine would put German jobs in danger.”

Gerd Knows Best

February 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Hideology, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Advice, Angela Merkel, Corruption, Gazprom, Gerhard Schröder, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lobbies, Politicians, Putin, Russia, Satire, SPD, Ukraine Leave a comment

Ex-chancellor “Gazprom-Gerd” Schröder just can’t seem to sit still these days and has fired yet another salvo in his one-man undeclared unsolicited advice offensive.

He has now advised current chancellor Angela Merkel to leave office in a timely manner. For her own good, of course. And I, for one, certainly hope that she takes this advice to heart. If anybody out there knows about not having left office in a timely manner it’s this guy. In fact I think he should have left office a few days after having been elected. The first time, I mean. It would have only been for his own good, of course.

Gerhard Schröder—the former German chancellor, a man who said the Soviet Union of Leonid Brezhnev appeared more intent on peace than the Americans, and who since 2006 has been a Gazprom executive and Vladimir Putin’s chief shill among the countries of the European Union—has come up with a prescription for masking Moscow’s refusal to let Ukraine (or anyone else) leave Russia’s control and form an organic relationship with the West.

Goethe OK, But The EU ITSELF?

February 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Angela Merkel, Cold War, Diplomacy, Fack ju Göhte, Films, Humor, Leaks, Obscenity, Russia, Satire, The F-Word, Ukraine, Victoria Nuland 1 Comment

As if NSA surveillance, Google Street View (and Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, etc.), scary drone technology, unbridled imperialism, world domination and McDonald’s were not enough already, a well-intended leak has shown that American diplomats are now even using bad four-letter words when referring to the EU and other sacrosant international-like institutions, too.

And the Chancellor HERSELF is really pissed off about this one this time. Eavesdropping on her cell phone is one thing, but using the F-word is “absolutely unacceptable.”

Of course, how German officials were even able to find out about the story is a bit of a mystery to me. The four-letter word in question is not allowed through their porno censorship system.

U.S. officials blamed Moscow for the Internet leak of recordings of Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland and the U.S. ambassador in Kiev discussing a possible future government for Ukraine, where Washington and Brussels back anti-Kremlin demonstrators.

PS: Talk about stealing candy from a baby. Thieves had no problem breaking into a Bundeswehr barracks in Seedorf (no, it’s not in Afghanistan) and stealing 28,000 rounds of ammunition.

From Russia With Love?

December 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hurt Feelings Tags: 007, Berlin, Chodorkowski, Cold War, Films, Genscher, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, James Bond, Khodorkovsky, Merkel, Movies, Oligarchs, Politics, Putin, Russia, Satire Leave a comment

I think it’s more like Goldfinger.

Or maybe Live and Let Die?

Khodorkovsky will make a statement to the media from Berlin later on Sunday.

Chodorkowski verlässt Russland – wie viele Milliarden Dollar vor ihm (Khodorkovsky leaves Russia, like the many billions of dollars before him)

PS: I think it’s really Edward Snowden in one of those Mission Impossible mask thingies.

“On The Run From The Henchmen Of His Homeland”

December 18, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Brazil, Edward Snowden, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, NSA, Russia, Satire, Surveillance, Treason, Whistleblowing Leave a comment

Concerned Germans everywhere (note the red scarf) weren’t quite concerned enough to actually offer poor and misunderstood professional leaker/Russian tourist Edward Snowden political asylum, but now they all hope in unison that Brazil will (tons of Germans have found refuge there in the past, you know).

Otherwise those awful henchmen/bogeymen from that horrible homeland of his might just get him and, well, we don’t even want to THINK about what could possibly happen to him then!

Ex-NSA-Mitarbeiter Edward Snowden will auf seiner Flucht vor den Häschern seines Heimatlandes offenbar nach Brasilien weiterreisen.

Wow. A Clear Decision.

December 8, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Boycotts, German, Germans, Germany, Joachim Gauck, Presidents, Russia, Sochi Winter Olympics, Vladimir Putin Leave a comment

We don’t see many of those that often these days. Cool. Business not as usual, for once.

Human rights violations? Harrassment of the opposition? Let the Sochi Winter Games begin? Nein, danke! Not with me. Gauck. Finde ich gut.

Gauck, a former Lutheran pastor who played a key part in the East German protest movement before the fall of the Berlin Wall, has declined any official visits to Russia since coming to office in March 2012 and repeatedly criticised the country’s “deficit of rule of law” and “air of imperialism”.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

July 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, NSA, Russia, Spies 1 Comment

No, not that. Russian spies don’t have heads (here in Germany).

Wait a minute. I thought only Americans did all the spying around here these days.

Germany rejects Edward Snowden’s asylum request

Visit Germany!

July 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Asylum, Berlin, Edward Snowden, Espionage, Extradition, German, Germans, Germany, Law, NSA, PRISM, Russia, Spying Leave a comment

If you dare. Then enjoy your short stay here before your extradition back home (home?) to the USA.

The Federal Republic of Germany can offer asylum to someone who is being politically persecuted, not to someone who is being sought for criminal offences.

And I if you want to try the refugee angle, Germans define refugees as being those who have a justified fear of being persecuted because of their race, religion, nationality, affiliation to a specific social group or political persuasion. So good luck with that, too.

Of course Germany could let you stay anyway. But that would be it then. With their pious preaching about the Rechtsstaat (rule of law) and how the NSA spy scandal demonstrates how the US does not respect it, I mean.

Ecuador und Island in Österreich, Bolivien, Brasilien, China, Kuba, Finnland, Frankreich, Deutschland, Indien, Italien, Irland, Niederlande, Nicaragua, Norwegen, Polen, Russland, Spanien, der Schweiz und Venezuela.

Die Linke hatte bereits in der vergangenen Woche die Bundesregierung dazu aufgefordert, Snowden Asyl zu gewähren. Am Montag hatten dies auch die Grünen in Spiel gebracht. Snowden solle in der EU oder sogar in Deutschland “sichere Unterkunft haben, denn er hat Europa einen Dienst erwiesen”, erklärte Fraktionschef Jürgen Trittin.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Russia