Germany To Build Autobahn And Let Austria Pay For It

January 27, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Austria, Autobahn, German, Germans, Germany, Mexico, Tolls, Trump, USA, Wall 1 Comment

Outraged by years of illegal foreign automobile immigration into their country, irate German politicians have now announced the introduction of road tolls that purposely aim to discriminate against these foreign drivers. The money taken in here will then be used to build yet another autobahn to, uh, keep them out or something.

As one irate Berlin government spokesman noted: “We will build a great autobahn, and nobody builds autobahns better than us, believe me, and we’ll build it very inexpensively. We will build a great great autobahn on our southern border and we’ll have Austria pay for that autobahn.”

Furious and really, really pissed off, the Austrian prime minister has now cancelled a visit with chancellor Merkel planned for next week and Austrian companies have begun launching a series of boycotts of German companies.

Austrian Transport Minister Joerg Leichtfried on Wednesday said he was discussing with other countries whether to file a joint complaint against Germany’s proposed Autobahn toll, which he said violated the EU’s “principle of equal treatment”.

Der Aufstand gegen die Pkw-Maut beginnt

Who Am I? Where Am I? And Why Am I Reading This?

January 26, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Higher Education, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: America, German, Germans, Germany, Journalism, Media, Party Line, Propaganda, Trump, USA 1 Comment

My fellow Americans: We have lost our identity. Again already, or something. Or at least that’s what I just read down here.

But luckily for us, the folks over at Spiegel Online are going to give our identities back to us. Only this being Germany, and Germany being Germany, and what with Datenschutz (data protection) and all, we will have to properly identify ourselves first, of course (unless we’re Syrian refugees from North Africa, I mean, but we’re not, we’re Mericans). So… Wait a minute. How the hell is this supposed to work anyway?

Reporter Holger Stark spent the past four years as DER SPIEGEL’s Washington correspondent during a time in which the country changed radically enough to elect Donald Trump as its president. What led this once mighty nation into decline?

Megalomania & Small-Mindedness – How America Lost Its Identity

PS: Just read it, folks. They’re only trying to help us. This is NOT fake news, by the way, so don’t even THINK of looking for any alternative facts.

Germany Jubilant, Too

November 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Horror, Humor Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Language, Media, Polls, Trump, USA 4 Comments

Sort of.

German of the day: Ruhig Blut. That means keep your blood calm. You know, as in steady, there, keep your shirt on?

Überraschend und entgegen der meisten Umfragen heißt der kommende Präsident der USA Donald Trump.

Kissing Up To Iran 101

October 4, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Business, Diplomacy, German, Germans, Germany, Iran, Israel, Sigmar Gabriel, Trade, USA Leave a comment

I find it strange how such a super-smart (self-proclaimed, but still) German politician like German economy minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD), somebody so hot to do business with Iran that his pants are always wet, doesn’t seem to know the first thing about the finer points of diplomacy when it comes to dealing with the mullah state.

Sure, you can always get plus points by promising the Iranians to “remind the United States of the commitment to get to an effective dismantling of sanctions,” but every third grader knows that you can’t give interviews before your visit in which you say that you believe Tehran should recognize the right of Israel to exist. Pretty outrageous Scheiße, huh?

So that is why he is now getting snuffed big time during his current visit. There will be no meeting with Iran’s President Ruhani nor with foreign minister Sarif. The visit planned with parliament president Laridschani has now suddenly been cancelled, Laridschani’s brother commenting to the press “If I had been in the place of the government or foreign office I would never have allowed such a person to enter the country in the first place.”

Other than that, though, German business prospects with Iran are looking really promising.

“Ein normales, freundschaftliches Verhältnis zu Deutschland wird erst dann möglich sein.”

TTIP Demonstrators Refuse To Let Their Rotten Mood Be Ruined By The Rotten Weather

September 18, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Berlin, Canada, CETA, Demonstrations, Free Trade, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Protests, SPD, Trade Deals, TTIP, USA Leave a comment

Fearing that German goods bound for US-Amerika could soon be subjected to lower tariffs, less red tape and a much wider base of consumers to purchase them, tens of thousands of German anti-TTIP demonstrators have taken to the streets to loudly voice their concerns in an hysterical love-fest of classic anti-American blather.

Unfortunately, the demonstrators seemed to have dropped the ball when it comes to rabid outbursts directed against the smaller version of TTIP with Canada called CETA. But this is most likely because Canada (another moral superpower like Germany) is bekanntlich (generally known to be) not US-Amerika so that deal is OK or something and will therefore be signed in October.

EU Trade Commissioner Cecilia Malmstrom told Saturday’s Bild daily she was aghast at the “misunderstandings, urban myths and outright lies in the debate” on the merits or otherwise of the treaty.

German Of The Day: König Kunde

August 27, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hi-tech, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: China, Exports, France, German, Germans, Germany, Imports, Industry, Language, Trade, USA 1 Comment

That sounds a bit like King Kong but actually means king customer or the customer is king, if you prefer. And it’s nice to be the king, as you well know.

For decades, France was the single biggest importer of German goods. But that’s changed now. The United States has taken the pole position among clients for “Made in Germany” goods for the first time.

Seit dem Jahr 1961 kauft kein Land so viele deutsche Produkte wie Frankreich. Das hat sich nun geändert. Und auch damit zu tun, dass Amerika wieder mehr auf die Industrie setzt.

PS: But thank goodness Germany still has its trade with ten foot tall China, too.

More Negativity

June 25, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Anti-Americanism, Freedom, German, Germans, Germany, NATO, Polls, Studies, USA 2 Comments

But it ain’t nothing new, folks.

More than half of Germans (53 percent) said they did not believe the United States government respects the personal freedoms of its people, according to a Pew Research Center report published on Tuesday.

“The U.S. receives largely positive reviews among many of its key NATO allies. About two-in-three Canadians have a favorable opinion, as do large majorities in Italy, Poland, France, the UK and Spain. The outlier is Germany.”

German Of The Day: Alleingang

April 19, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Environment, Europe, Free Trade, German, Germans, Germany, GM Foods, Language, Paranoia, Protest, SPD, Trade, TTIP, USA Leave a comment

An ancient German tradition, Alleingänge are when Germans, as Germans, go it alone.

In this particular case it has to do with their Empörung (another traditional German word meaning indignation or outrage) about TTIP, a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Strangely, much like their hysterical reaction to Fukushima and subsequent Alleingang out of nuclear power, no one else in Europe really understands what their concern is all about.

These protestors aim to change that, however. Germany’s fellow Europeans, they feel, clearly do not seem to understand what this treaty is really about: It is a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Hello? Is anyone home out there? A trade deal with the United States? As in US-Amerika?

“The U.S. push for world domination is unacceptable. Obama sends out drones to kill people and wins the Nobel peace prize. This has to stop.”

Alarm In Germany: Esteem Level For Russia Now Sinking Dangerously Close To Esteem Level For US-Amerika

March 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Putin, Russia, Satire, Surveys, Ukraine, USA 2 Comments

German political scientists everywhere were stunned at the latest unexpected Infratest dimap survey findings in Germany. For some inexplicable reason, 81 percent of Germans asked have lost their trust in Russia and do not believe that the country respects basic democratic rights.

Unable to explain this unexpected finding, one scientist warns that if this drop in esteem were to continue and surpass the 96 percent mark “we will then have reached the lack of esteem level traditionally reserved for the United States of America, a country we all know to be much more deserving of our lack of esteem although none of us can rationally explain why that is, and this would be a real rotten deal for Russia. And none of us want that.”

Nur 13 Prozent der Deutschen glaubt an das Minsker Abkommen.

Buy Amerikan!

October 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Ancestry, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Industry, Investment, Satire, Takeovers, USA Leave a comment

These are not real Germans.

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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