Phase 1: AstraZeneca Vaccine Too Dangerous For Over-60s

It was made in Brexit England, after all. We don’t think we’ll be using it.

Phase 2: Hey! Where’s all the AstraZeneca vaccine we ordered from you in England? Are you holding it back to punish us for having purposely spooked everybody about using the AstraZeneca vaccine?

Phase 3: OK, so we didn’t order enough but you should give us the order we didn’t order anyway because we are Europeans.

Phase 4: Our studies now show that the AstraZeneca vaccine is OK after all. It’s OK to send us the freakin’ vaccine already. We’re waiting and it’s kind of important.

Phase 5: New studies show that one out of eight zillion can suffer complications after using the AstraZeneca vaccine even though its benefits far outweigh any possible danger so we don’t think we’ll be using any AstraZeneca vaccine after all, thank you.

Phase 6: Our studies now show that the AstraZeneca vaccine is OK after all and its benefits far outweigh any possible danger by taking it. It’s OK to send us the freakin’ vaccine already!

Phase 7. Actually, studies now show that the vaccine could possibly cause problems in one out of sixteen zillion anong the younger crowd so we are going to go back to Phase 1, only this time we’ll only be giving it to the over-60s. Where’s our vaccine?!?

Germany’s government said Tuesday it will restrict the use of AstraZeneca PLC’s Covid-19 vaccine for people younger than 60 following fresh blood-clotting incidents among recipients, potentially presenting the country’s sputtering vaccine rollout with fresh delays.

We’re Not That Efficient

Honest. It’s all a big misunderstanding or something. A stereotype.

Germans

Yeah, Germany. Chill. We know already. It’s particularly noticable these days but we recognized this a long time ago. Loser.

German efficiency: The roots of a stereotype – Germany has a reputation for getting things done in an efficient manner, even despite evidence to the contrary. Efficiency has played an important historic role in Germany — though not always a positive one.

“Confidence became arrogance, orderliness became mean-spirited pedantry, and the execution of one’s duties became pure inhumanity.”

Now That Orange Man Is Gone Alles Is Well

Right? Well, not really.

Biden

And it’s because of you, Germany. Not the Orange Man.

The German trade surpluses remain. And remain they will.

The promised German defense spending levels for NATO have still not been met – nor do the Germans have any intention of ever meeting them.

The Nord Stream 2 gas pipeline, Germany’s going it alone with Russia (going it alone – Alleingänge – is something Germans regularly swear up and down they will never ever do again), will still not be accepted by the United States – or from most of Europe, for that matter.

Dollar signs in German eyes make it overly eager to allow Iran to do anything it wants to continue it’s nuclear program (a country openly calling for the destruction of Israel).

Germany forced the European Union to complete an investment deal with China – Germany’s largest trading partner – without even bothering to consult the incoming American administration. Nor does it share everyone else’s concern about allowing Huawei to provide the German 5G network.

To name just a few.

How did someone once put it?

“The Germans are very, very bad.”

Roll Over And Die With Style

It’s as easy as climbing stairs.

Nord Stream 2

The Banana Republic’s Secretary of State may pretend like his country will see to it that Nord Stream 2 isn’t completed but it’s just empty posturing that won’t have any consequences and the Germans know it. Just like Vlad Putin and everybody else.

Germany is pushing for the pipeline’s completion, despite sustained U.S. opposition over more than a decade. The United States fears Russia could use Nord Stream 2 as leverage to weaken EU states by increasing dependency on Moscow.

“President (Joe) Biden has been very clear, he believes the pipeline is a bad idea, bad for Europe, bad for the United States, ultimately it is in contradiction to the EU’s own security goals,” Blinken said as he met NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg.

 

Fighting For Naked Survival Was Much More Invigorating

Like their grandparents or great-grandparents in the 1940s did, say.

Berlin

I doubt anybody complained much back then about being exhausted. But times change and people become more snowflakey and spending the day online or watching TV can be a real, I dunno, Belastung (burden) or something. It just doesn’t have that punch that real survival problems have, I guess. So let’s complain a little louder and see what’s on TV.

‘People are exhausted’: Germans grow weary of endless lockdown – Berliners are impatient for vaccines and the country is poised to tighten restrictions as the third wave hits.

“I’m really tired of it. Winter is always hard but now with the lockdown we don’t have anything to do, so it’s been awful.”

 

We’re All Going To Die!

So let’s go on vacation!

Vacation

And take the locals down with us in the process. It’s called European solidarity or something.

Mallorca braces for influx of German tourists after removal from risk list – Germans warned that Covid restrictions still apply as locals express frustration at Berlin’s move.

“The desire to spend the Easter holidays on the Mediterranean is significantly bigger than expected.”

Europe, That’s What Went Wrong

Germany’s COVID management: World wonders what’s gone wrong – A year ago, Germany was effusively praised for its coronavirus response. Nobody would think to do that now. If anything, the international view today is a mixture of astonishment and schadenfreude.

Germany

As reported earlier“Germany is the architect of the European failure because Germany and Merkel were behind pushing for the European process that was a failure from the beginning.”

Europe “ought” to work. But it doesn’t. Then the real world bites back.

Just What Do You Mean When You Say “Ethical Standards?”

Must have got lost in translation or something.

Masks

Hello? Is there anybody in there? These are politicians, people. Violating ethical standards is what they get paid for.

German mask scandal: ‘Unforgivable violations of ethical standards’ – Andreas Nick, a prominent member of Germany’s ruling CDU party, has strongly criticized the two conservative politicians at the heart of a damaging mask procurement scandal on DW’s Conflict Zone.

“Individual cases shouldn’t be used in a demagogue fashion to discredit parliamentarians and politicians who serve the public to its best interests.”

We’re From The Berlin City Government

The “red-red-green” city government. And we’re here to help.

Control

A disaster foretold – After a year, Berlin’s experiment with rent control is a failure. Rents may be down, but so is the supply of homes.

”I WORRY ABOUT Berlin,” says Rolf Buch, a born and bred Rhinelander. The chief executive of Vonovia, Europe’s biggest residential-property firm, thinks that the city’s policy of capping rents has achieved very little good, but caused severe collateral damage. Even if the federal Constitutional Court declares the rent cap unconstitutional in the next few months, as many expect it to do, Berlin will not go back to the status quo ante. Protests are here to stay, Mr Buch reckons.

 

German Of The Day: Gesichtskondom

That means face condom.

German

You know, face mask? I don’t make this up that German allows you to make this stuff up. It’s a popular national pastime.

Pandemic Inspires More Than 1,200 New German Words.

Like English, German also offers the possibility of combining of words, especially nouns. The resulting noun chains in English typically feature spaces or hyphens between the different elements, while German ones normally appear as one word. The German penchant for creating complex compound nouns has long been the stuff of comedy. Mark Twain devotes part of his essay on The Awful German Language to these “curiosities,” and many people are familiar with ones like “der Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän” (the Danube Steamship Navigation Company Captain).