Only In Germany Can You Emasculate A Traffic Light

May 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Quotas, Satire, Token Women, Traffic Lights 1 Comment

The city of Berlin may be poor but sexy, but it is not poor but sexy enough to not be able to scrape up enough needed tax euros to introduce a traffic light woman quota.

I don’t make this stuff up, people.

“Women need to be more present in the appearances of our capital’s streets,” Martina Matischok-Yesilcimen, Germany’s Social Democratic Party district leader who signed a recent motion (PDF) to introduce female walk signals, told Bloomberg News.

“We’re a diverse city, and that deserves to be seen.”

PS: And have a happy election day or something while you’re at it.

Alarms Red, White And Blue! Germans Have Successfully Infiltrated US World Cup Team!

May 24, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Football, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jurgen Klinsmann, Satire, Soccer, Sports, USA, World Cup 1 Comment

Or should this be alarms black, red and gold maybe? Damn. It’s all over but the cryin’ now. For thoze guyz who gots to go up against us. As in US, I mean (USA! USA!).

Five German-Americans, 21% of the entire team, made the U.S. 23-man roster for the World Cup in Brazil…

When he took over as coach in 2011, Jurgen Klinsmann (suspected of being a so-called German himself) said, “Soccer in a way reflects the culture of a country.”

Clearly Klinsmann’s celebrity status in Germany — as well as his boundless enthusiasm — are an asset when recruiting German-Americans. But these charms are helpful no matter where a player is from, and it just so happens that the largest concentration of U.S.-eligible players in Europe is in Germany.

What Conchita Wurst Tells Us About EU Identity?

May 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Conchita Wurst, Elections, EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Happiness, Humor, Identity, Putin, Satire Leave a comment

Why everything, doesn’t she?

Damn. This guy here sure hit the nail right on the head: “Europe has struggled for decades to forge a common identity — and now the Continent’s response to Putin, its battle against Google and the victory of drag queen Conchita Wurst at the Eurovision Song Contest all suggest that shared values are finally emerging.”

Well that certainly sums it up nicely for me.

PS: This doesn’t necessarily make Europeans all that happy, you must understand (Conchita doesn’t look all that happy up there, either). At least not the Germans. Germany came in 46th of the 138 countries examened for the “International Happiness Map.”

Germans Now Not Sure If Whistleblowing Is A Scientific Achievement After All

May 22, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Academics, Edward Snowden, German, Germans, Germany, Honorary Doctorates, Humor, NSA, Rostock University, Satire Leave a comment

Germans are very precise and proper and legalistic when it comes to, well, when it comes to just about anything you can possibly imagine so it shouldn’t surprise any of us out here all that much that the rector of the German university in Rostock, where academics have voted to award NSA leakmeister Edward Snowden himself an honorary doctorate, is now trying to have the decision reversed, his argument being that Snowden’s actions did not fulfill the the university’s required criteria. Dude, like what a party pooper.

It appears that there is some sticky little detail somewhere in their regulations about honorary doctorates only being allowed for “special academic achievement” and the rector, nitpicky like German rectors are, has now pointed out to everyone that Snowden’s leaking to the media of NSA documents doesn’t wirklich (really) constitute that.

This won’t be the last word on this, of course. But still. And there’s still the Nobel Peace Prize on its way, too. So take a chill pill, people. Your hero will get his honors yet.

Datenübergabe keine wissenschaftliche Leistung

Poll: Four In Five Germans Have No Problem With Germany Being World’s Third Largest Arms Exporter

May 20, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Arms exports, Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, Military Exports, Pacifism, Polls, Profit, Putin, Responsibility, Russia, Ukraine 1 Comment

No, wait. That was four in five Germans would like to see their armed forces take part in fewer military missions abroad. But still.

Damn. And almost two-thirds think Germany should show caution on foreign affairs. Even more caution than they are already being so overly cautious about already, I mean. Well the Germans certainly have been reckless these past few years, haven’t they?

Calls from abroad for greater German participation showed the respect Germany had won, but could also put Germany under too much pressure.

PS: Speaking of pressure, according to former German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer himself, “Russia is striving a major power role. That must not and will not be accepted by Europe.”

Die russische Strategie, verloren gegangenes Territorium zurück zu holen, könne man nur mit Entschlossenheit und Härte begegnen, nicht mit Verständnis. „Ein starkes Europa ist Voraussetzung für Sicherheit“, sagte der Ex-Außenminister.

What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

May 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, Bribery, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Payoffs, Political Parties, Social Democrats, SPD Leave a comment

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

OMG! 27% Of Germans Hold Anti-Semitic Views!

May 16, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Semitism, Distortion, German, Germans, Germany, Hype, Jews, Propaganda, Studies, Surveys Leave a comment

Damn. That’s getting dangerously close to the Austrian (28%), Spanish (29%), French (37%) and Greek (69%) levels.

The highest level of anti-Semitism was found in the Palestinian territories of West Bank and Gaza at 93 per cent.

“Our findings are sobering but sadly not surprising.”

German Word Of The Day: Bluff

May 15, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Crimea, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Godzilla, Humor, Leadership, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Satire, Ukraine Leave a comment

In German, “Bluff” means to mislead by a display of strength or self-confidence when in fact their is no strength or self-confidence there. To display, I mean.

But there’s one problem with this weapon (real sanctions): It can only be used if all EU members agree. In the EU, sanctions need to be decided unanimously. This worked for levels one and two, because they were primarily symbolic acts that affected people close to Putin and imposed no real burden on the EU. But level three would be different, making it unlikely that the EU would agree on sanctions that would have a strong effect on Russia. Europe’s strongest weapon is actually a bluff.

“Clearly there will be economic sanctions if Putin sabotages the vote, but it’s unclear what would constitute sabotage.”

PS: Personally, I think there is only one person on Earth who could possibly stand up to this Putin person. And he’s not even a person himself

500 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall, 500 Bottles Of Beer…

May 12, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Alcohol, Beer, Drinking, German, Germans, Germany, Health Leave a comment

And here I thought I was bad. And I am.

But Germans drink lots of booze, too. The Suffköppe (guzzlers).

According to a report by the World Health Organization, when it comes to alcohol consumption every German over 15 drinks the equivalent of 500 bottles of beer each year. They didn’t say how much the Germans under 15 drink.

Die Deutschen trinken unverändert viel Alkohol. Nach einem neuen Bericht der Weltgesundheitsorganisation (WHO) konsumierte jeder Deutsche über 15 Jahren im Jahr 2012 im Schnitt 11,8 Liter reinen Alkohol. Das entspricht gut 500 Flaschen Bier und ist ebenso viel wie zwischen 2008 und 2010.

That Guy Down There Works For The Telekom

May 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Big Brother, Eavesdropping, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spying, Telekom, Wiretapping Leave a comment

And it looks to me like they’re trying to save on energy these days or something.

Hey, who needs the NSA when you’ve got the Telekom right here at home in your own backyard in Germany? Doing the wiretapping, I mean.

Hello? Hello out there! Where’s all the excitement about this? The Telekom just got a little more transparent and admitted that it taps 50,000 phone connections a year. It hands out information on a million IP addresses annually, too. No, not to the NSA. To certain German “state agencies” that wish to remain unnamed.

Well there is a big difference here, you know. The difference being, of course, that the Telekom “sticks to the rules” and no one here has any reason to doubt them because the Telekom would not lie to us, I mean you, and besides, Germans snooping on Germans in a country like Germany when not following the rules precisely and to the letter is absolutely unimaginable and thoroughly ausgeschlossen (impossible). Here, I mean.

Die Telekom ist verpflichtet, in bestimmten Fällen mit Behörden zusammenzuarbeiten. Wie viele Anfragen es jährlich gibt, erstaunt dann doch. Neben tausenden überwachten Telefonanschlüssen gibt die Telekom Daten zu fast einer Million IP-Adressen preis.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hard Facts