Maybe this will help me keep my job…

I know. I’ll call Vladimir Putin and ask him to stop the war and pull out of Ukraine.

That’s never been tried before.

Zelensky accuses German chancellor of opening ‘Pandora’s box’ with Putin…

Facing a snap election on Feb. 23, Scholz’s Social Democrats are coming under pressure from Russia-friendly populist parties on both sides of the political spectrum that argue the government has not deployed enough diplomacy to end the war, according to Reuters.

Don’t choose between security and prosperity…

Because you won’t get either.

Scholz, fighting for survival, says Germans should not choose between security and prosperity – Chancellor Olaf Scholz on Wednesday appealed to parties to pass measures such as raising child benefits and lifting tax thresholds before a February snap election, stressing that Germans did not need to choose between security and prosperity.

Scholz was addressing parliament in political leaders’ first public head-to-head since the collapse of the chancellor’s ruling coalition last week forced the country into a snap election that will likely take place in February.

We don’t have enough paper…

For the ballots, you know?

So we can’t have that vote of confidence and early election you voters want. Even though our government doesn’t have a majority anymore and is more non-functioning than ever. Sorry, fellow citizens. It’s out of our hands.

Geez. These German SPD guys would make good Democrats.

Germany: Paper questions punctuate election date debate – As lawmakers jostle over the timing of a vote of confidence after Germany’s coalition collapse, preparations are already being made for a snap election. Officials have warned of logistical issues with ballot printing.

German of the day: Nostalgie

That means nostalgia.

You know, the sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time? Way back when? In the past?

Germany’s Volkswagen crisis: an ode to nostalgia – Germany’s car manufacturer and long-time economic powerhouse Volkswagen has shaped the lives and memories of generations of Germans. It’s current crisis gives pause to reflect on its importance in Germany’s history.

Sorry, we’re only firing at the moment

Hiring war gestern (was yesterday).

German companies’ hiring plans drop to four-year low, Ifo finds – German companies are less willing to hire new staff than at any point in more than four years, data from the Ifo institute showed on Monday, as weakness in Europe’s largest economy has left its mark on the country’s labour market.

Ifo’s employment barometer fell to 93.7 points in October from 94.0 points in September, the lowest level since July 2020.

Hey, somebody forgot their bag of triacetone triperoxide in the train!

So much for that planned terrorist attack.

Germany: Manhunt after explosives left at Berlin station – German police are looking for a man who left a bag of explosives at Berlin’s Neukölln train station…

A police officer told the daily Berliner Zeitung that “it seems as if an attack has been prevented,” as an explosion caused by the contents of the bag would have had “dramatic consequences” if it occurred near a group of people.

The man ran away after he was subjected to a check by police officers.

Breaking up is hard to do

But somebody has to do it.

Germany’s loveless coalition teeters on brink of break-up – Chancellor Olaf Scholz snubs partners, fuelling speculation of early elections in spring.

Chancellor Olaf Scholz held a much-vaunted “industrial summit” on Tuesday, sitting down with business leaders and union bosses to figure out how to pull Germany out its current malaise. Pointedly left off the guest list: his own finance and economy ministers.

Robert Habeck, the economy minister, responded by unveiling plans for a multibillion-euro, debt-financed investment fund — an idea not previously discussed with cabinet colleagues — while finance minister Christian Lindner simply scheduled his own, rival business summit on the same day…

Speculation is growing in Berlin that the alliance could soon collapse, pulled apart by its own internal contradictions. Several German media outlets have even named a possible date for snap elections — March 9, more than six months ahead of schedule.

Huge funeral attendance

At Germany’s automobile industry burial.

Volkswagen AG workers in Germany will pause production on Monday to join rallies about the automaker’s plans for unprecedented factory closures in the country.

Labor leaders plan to inform employees at 11 German sites about the latest on negotiations with the company. The events kick off a contentious week for Europe’s biggest carmaker, which is expected to post declining sales and profit when it reports third-quarter results on Wednesday…

The automaker has had a rough few weeks since it issued its second profit warning in three months in late September. While its premium brands including Audi and Porsche have been the carmaker’s biggest source of profit in recent years, they’re now struggling. Porsche AG on Friday said it’s weighing cost cuts and reviewing its model lineup after a demand slump in China hit its profits.