Monsanto Not Nearly As Evil As It Was Just A Few Hours Ago

May 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Hi-tech, Hideology, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Bayer, German, Germans, Germany, Monsanto, Reputation, The Green Shirts 2 Comments

That’s because a German company is now trying to buy it (although they do appear to be choking on it at the moment). Germans are like Green with a capital G or something, you see.

It (Monsanto) has been characterized variously as sinister, evil and a corporate bully. Surveys rank it among the most hated companies in America. And now Bayer AG wants to buy it…

“Monsanto has been better defined by the critics than they should’ve been. We see often times a company has a terrible reputation that often is not that they’ve done something horrendously bad. They’ve just let others define them.”

Von Monstermais und Frankenfood: Die Welt hat sich verändert. Vor hundert Jahren ernteten Getreidebauern in Deutschland je Hektar kaum ein Viertel der Menge, die die Landwirte heute einfahren.

Nazi Nuclear Bombs Found Underground Near Underground Nazi UFO Site

May 19, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Germany, Myths, Nazis, World War II 1 Comment

Near these, a Nazi gold train was also discovered. And the Amber Room. And the Loch Ness Monster.

It too had been buried deep underground right next to the underground Nazi Time Tunnel device that helped Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan win World War II and occupy the dystopian alternative history-like America we all live in today, albeit in an underground fashion.

“Eventually, it will decompose, and we will have a second Chernobyl on our hands.”

German Of The Day: Späti

May 18, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Beer, Berlin, Corner Stores, German, Germans, Germany, Kiosks, Language, Späti, Spätkauf 2 Comments

Speaking of Berlin… Finally there’s something this town can do really well: The Spätkauf or “open late” corner shop.

These late night places are everywhere in Berlin and, as the article linked to here rightly points out, “The Spätkauf in Berlin is not just an opportunity to go shopping, it’s also a social center for entire neighborhoods.” Or it’s an asocial center at the very least. There are guys at my Späti who seem to spend the whole summer hanging out around there, supporting the local beer industry in the process. Hey, somebody’s got to do it.

Mensch ist man dort, wo sie zu meinem Hund „meine Sonne“ sagen: Der Spätkauf ist in Berlin nicht nur Einkaufsgelegenheit, sondern auch soziales Zentrum ganzer Nachbarschaften.

I Can Smell The Coal In The Air Now

May 17, 2016 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, History Tags: Documentaries, Films, German, Germans, Germany, Movies, West Berlin 2 Comments

And hear the MiGs booming through the sound barrier high overhead. And see the Allied tanks rolling down Kaiserdamm.

The good old days? Not really. But kind of, I dunno, predictable?

Berlin in the 1980s was a time of wild parties and artistic creation – and a new documentary gathers the work of over 70 filmmakers to capture the essence of the city during that heady decade before the wall came down. BMovie, Lust and Sound in West Berlin 1979-1989 features unseen footage of musicians like Nick Cave and New Order. It was made by English musician Mark Reeder, who began by talking about bringing Joy Division to Berlin for their first gig

Latest Cultural Exchange Takes Place

May 16, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Asylum Seekers, Berlin, Cologne, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Immigrants, Karneval der Kulturen, Migrants, Rape, Refugees, Sex Manual, Sexual Harassment 5 Comments

This time at Berlin’s Carneval of Cultures. Like, duh. Where else?

Police have detained three suspects after two teens were groped and robbed by a group of young men during Berlin’s “Karneval der Kulturen” festival. The assault was reminiscent of the New Year’s Eve attacks in Cologne.

Germans everywhere immediately began apologizing for not having first properly explained to these young men how sexual harassment, rape and robbery are not generally viewed as being socially acceptable in their country and then immediately sought to make amends for their shameful oversight by referring them to the German government’s latest $136,000 porn site specially designed for sex-starved refugees like themselves who are desperately trying to integrate with German women or anything else out there that moves.

Hmmm. They could have at least explained to that guy (I’m assuming here he’s the asylum-seeker) that the two of them are going to have to take the rest of their clothes off first.

The site is adorned with cartoon illustrations of various sex acts that are equally graphic and clinical. (Imagine the stick-figure man and woman on a public restroom sign pictured in virtually every conceivable sexual position.)

What Part Of Last Place Don’t You Understand?

May 15, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Eurovision 2016, Germany, Kitsch, Music, Politics, Song Contests 3 Comments

I think I’m beginning to detect a pattern here. Didn’t Germany get last place at the Eurovision freak show last year, too?

And it’s not like the voting is ever politically motivated or anything, you guys. It’s strictly about the music. And that’s what makes this happening so, well, I dunno. Creepy?

But instead of seeing this last place as a badge of honor, it looks as though the Germans have hurt feelings about the results, yet again. So, in the end, I guess everybody wins after all, right?

Um das neue Punktesystem vollends zu begreifen, muss man vermutlich noch mindestens zwei Semester ESC-Wissenschaft studieren.

Sabine-Anna U.

May 14, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Beer, Bierkönigin, Sabine-Anna Ullrich Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

States Getting Safer All The Time

May 13, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Asylum, German, Germans, Germany, Immigration, Migrants, Refugees, Safe States Leave a comment

At least as far as Germany is concerned. Algeria, Morocco and Tunisia just got a whole lot safer than they were yesterday, for example.

How did this happen, you ask? It’s kind of like magic, I guess, but “safe countries of origin,” you see, are countries where asylum-seekers seeking asylum in Germany can be sent back to safely, in a safe manner. And this safes, I mean saves, Germany the trouble of having to deal with them.

The problem here being (and don’t tell anybody I told you this – it’s top secret or something) that most of the asylum seekers coming to Germany from these countries aren’t in need of asylum at all.

“A large number of people from the Maghreb states come to Germany for reasons that are not connected to asylum. The stay of such people must be ended quickly.”

Renewable Energy Actually Works In Germany

May 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Renewable energy, Solar energy, Wind Energy Leave a comment

But only if it stays REALLY sunny and REALLY windy ALL the time. Like even at night.

For those of us who live here, well… Let’s just say that they’re still working on that part.

Germany hit an incredible new high in renewable energy generation at the weekend – pushing power prices into the negative and allowing consumers to get paid to consume electricity.

At one point, the sunny and windy day weather propelling its solar plants and wind turbines supplied 87 percent of the power being consumed.

Meanwhile… Solarworld verdoppelt Verluste.

We Are Also The Two-Thirds Percent

May 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Immigration, Merkel, Migrants, Polls, Refugees, Surveys Leave a comment

OK, two-thirds isn’t a percent per se, but still.

Germans don’t want Angela Merkel to run for a fourth term, it seems. They just want her to run.

A poll published on Tuesday shows that just under two-thirds of Germans do not want Chancellor Angela Merkel to run for office again in elections next year.

The poll conducted by INSA for Cicero magazine asked people if they thought Merkel should run for a fourth term and 64 percent responded that she should not.

Other polling figures show that if an election were held now, Germany’s two main political parties would barely scrape together 50 percent of the vote between them.

“Wenn die Flüchtlingsthematik in die aus Merkels Sicht richtigen Bahnen gelenkt und aus der öffentlichen Aufmerksamkeit verschwunden ist, wäre ihre letzte große Aufgabe erfüllt.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”