Secret European Army Being Planned By The Same Folks Who Brought Us The Euro And Refugee Crises

So like what force in the universe could possibly stand in its way? Or even want to. Honey, where’s our white flag?

Army

British Brexit campaigners have been boosted with news from Berlin that Germany is once more pushing for an EU army encompassing all 28 member states with a joint HQ and shared military planning.

Along with judicial, tax and immigration issues, a Euro army has for long been one of the main irritants of anti-EU campaigners.  

“German security policy has relevance — also for beyond our country. Germany is willing to join early, decisively and substantially as a driving force in international debates … to take responsibility and assume leadership.”

Never Touch A Running System

Why on earth do the folks over at the Bundeswehr think that they need to have a new camouflage system? The old camouflage is working amazingly well already.

Bundeswehr

Just like that guy up there in the snow, I can hardly find any Bundeswehr soldiers anywhere these days as it is. Not in Iraq, Afghanistan, Mali, you name it.

I also think that they are using some kind of a Klingon Cloaking Device for their tanks and other heavy military equipment, too – for the few pieces of heavy military equipment that are still working. Only they call it a Colonel Klinkon Cloaking Device, of course.

Das Wehrwissenschaftliche Institut hat für die Bundeswehr einen Tarnanzug entwickelt, der auch Nachtsichtgeräte täuschen kann.

Bundeswehr To Become Even More Effeminate

Who would have thought that? Only eleven percent of German troops are currently women. This must change, of course.

Women

German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen, herself one of the eleven percent, has decided that in the medium-term, the percentage of women currently not doing anything that other soldiers in other armies do (some call it combat) must be increased to 20 percent.

The reason behind this appears to be that by effectively reducing the combat strength of an army, this will effectively increase the combat strength of an army. Not your own army or anything, but still.

The inglorious Bundeswehr: The German army was never meant to function on its own. Now it barely functions at all.

Elf Prozent der Truppe ist derzeit weiblich. Verteidigungsministerin Ursula von der Leyen will diesen Wert verbessern und ruft ein neues Ziel aus: “Auf mittlere Sicht” soll der Frauenanteil auf 20 Prozent steigen.

Good Point

“While there are genuine pacifists in Germany,” as German President Joachim Gauck recently noted at the Munich Security Conference, “there are also people who use Germany’s guilt for its past as a shield for laziness or a desire to disengage from the world.”

Gauck

Very true. But believe you me, if he or anybody else out there seriously thinks for one cotton-pickin’ minute that Germans are suddenly going to seriously consider “a more muscular foreign policy” (use their army for what armies are actually intended to be used for) just because of any good points he or anybody else out there might make, he and that anybody else out there should be tested for doping. Ain’t NEVER gonna happen here.

Es darf nichts kosten (it can’t cost anything).

“Germany is really too big to just comment from the sidelines.” Duh. So? How does that saying go again? Germany is too big for Europe and too small for the world.

PS: Germans are still really good at blowing up stuff, though.

Boom

German Women Lousy Combat Soldiers But Still Hot

A survey conducted among German men soldiers in the Bundeswehr has revealed that 34 percent of them do not believe that German women soldiers are up to life in the field. 52 percent say that women cannot physically carry out the demanding duties required of them. A third of the men asked believe that women in these positions have led to a reduction of something they refer to as “combat strength.”

Women

So maybe that’s why fifty-five percent of women in the Bundeswehr have reported some kind of sexual mistreatment on the job, with 47 percent citing verbal abuse, 25 percent saying they had been confronted with pornographic images and 24 percent telling researchers they had experienced “unwanted sexually motivated physical contact.”

But wait a minute here. That line up there about German combat strength just doesn’t fly. The real question here, if you ask me, is what does the Bundeswehr even need combat soldiers for in the first place? The Bundeswehr doesn’t “do” combat as all the world knows that Germans are pacifists and combat is strictly verboten.

Das Leben im Feld? Dem seien die Frauen nicht gewachsen, sagten 34 Prozent (2005: 28 Prozent). Körperlich anspruchsvolle Aufgaben? Die könnten Frauen nicht ausfüllen, sagen inzwischen 52 Prozent (2005: 44 Prozent). Über ein Drittel der Männer beklagt inzwischen durch Frauen den Verlust der Kampfkraft.

German Soldiers Just Can’t Take It Anymore

That’s why 6000 of them (half the German army?) have now put in for early retirement.

Soldaten

No war is hell, too.

Flexibles System der Kinderbetreuung, mehr Tagesmütter für Randzeiten, Teilzeitmöglichkeiten mit einer Drei-oder Viertagewoche in der Familienphase, ein Lebensarbeitszeitkonto für Überstunden. Auch will sie sich das System der nahezu automatischen Versetzungen alle zwei bis drei Jahre „genau ansehen“ und Schluss mit dauernden Ortswechseln machen.

PS: And thank goodness this just came in. Here are the top 10 places for Frührentner (early-retirees) and other retiree types to, well, retire around at (International Living Annual Global Retirement Index 2014).

“Smile and Wave”

What a perfect title for a graphic novel about the Bundeswehr‘s mission in Afghanistan.

German illustrator Arne Jysch has completed his first graphic novel. Congratulations. I’m sure it’s fantasy comic material at it’s finest (in some scenes German soldiers are actually seen doing some fighting, for instance).

“The advantage of fiction is that you can combine real experiences that different people have had (in other armies?) and mix them all up,” he explains.

Jysch has never been to Afghanistan.

PS: I read recently that German soldiers in Afghanistan, being frustrated about having to be German soldiers in Afghanistan, have their own definition for ISAF: I saw Americans fighting.