Russia Scared?

January 25, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Belgium, Crimea, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Lithuania, NATO, Russia, Ukraine 1 Comment

Of 17 German officers and 30 Belgian troops who have just arrived in Lithuania?

I’m scared, too. Or at least I was. That I hadn’t read that right, I mean. But now I’m scared again because I checked once more and I did read that right: German troops land in Lithuania amid Russia fears.

Though political parties within Germany – whose national history makes it a hesitant military leader – clashed over the deployment of German troops, Lithuanian President Dalia Grybauskaite greeted Germany’s decision to lead the NATO forces as a “breakthrough” for the future of European defense.

Moscow, on the other hand, has criticized the move as an example of NATO aggression against Russia.

Germans Worried American Tanks Could Be Dangerous

January 6, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Bulgaria, Crimea, Defense, Estonia, Germany, Military, NATO, Operation Atlantic Resolve, Poland, Russia, Tanks, Ukraine Leave a comment

The “risky roadshow” now rolling across Germany toward Poland could be, I dunno, an “embodiment of the United States’ commitment to deterring aggression and defending our European Allies and partners” or something.

And who could possibly want that?

Some 3,500 troops from the 4th Infantry Division in Fort Carson, Colorado, will join up with the equipment, which includes 87 tanks and 144 Bradley fighting vehicles, over the next two weeks… The new forces will gather first in Poland, then fan out across seven countries from Estonia to Bulgaria. A headquarters unit will be stationed in Germany.

Bedrohliche Musik, Bilder bewaffneter Milizionäre in der Ukraine, Karten eines sich nach Westen ausbreitenden Russlands: Die US-Armee in Europa hat auf ihrer Website ein Video über ihre Operation “Atlantic Resolve” (“Atlantische Entschlossenheit”) veröffentlicht: Die Botschaft: Nach der Besetzung der Krim und der Destabilisierung der Ostukraine könnte Russlands nächstes Opfer ein EU-Land sein, weshalb die US-Armee Europa zur Hilfe eilt.

NATO Picking On Russia Again

June 19, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Appeasement, Crimea, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, NATO, Pacifism, Putin, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

And warmongering. Just ask German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD).

“What we should not do now is inflame the situation with sabre-rattling and warmongering,” he said. The “situation” being Russia’s annexation of Crimea and its continued military intervention in Ukraine, which is apparently something other than sabre-rattling and warmongering when viewed from Berlin.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East. But despite all the rhetoric, the German foreign ministry assures the world that Germany’s mighty army, a formidable threat to Russia, will be there for its allies whenever it should be needed.

Was wir jetzt nicht tun sollten, ist durch lautes Säbelrasseln und Kriegsgeheul die Lage weiter anzuheizen.

German Soldiers To Put Even More Blitz In Blitzkrieg

April 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Army, Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Overtime, War 1 Comment

They have to. No more overtime will be allowed during regular wartime hours so get ‘er done quick, men. I mean persons.

The German military, once the most feared fighting force in Europe, is being forced to lay down its weapons by restrictive new overtime limits.

German soldiers taking part in a four-week Nato exercise in Norway earlier this year had to leave after just 12 days because they had gone over their overtime limits, it has emerged…

Under the latest reforms, in force since January, the military working week has been reduced to 41 hours and troops can no longer be paid for working overtime.

Stell dir vor, es ist Krieg, und die Bundeswehr muss Überstunden abbauen.

Never Touch A Running System

February 3, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Armies, Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jokes, Military, Satire, Soldiers Leave a comment

Why on earth do the folks over at the Bundeswehr think that they need to have a new camouflage system? The old camouflage is working amazingly well already.

Just like that guy up there in the snow, I can hardly find any Bundeswehr soldiers anywhere these days as it is. Not in Iraq, Afghanistan, Mali, you name it.

I also think that they are using some kind of a Klingon Cloaking Device for their tanks and other heavy military equipment, too – for the few pieces of heavy military equipment that are still working. Only they call it a Colonel Klinkon Cloaking Device, of course.

Das Wehrwissenschaftliche Institut hat für die Bundeswehr einen Tarnanzug entwickelt, der auch Nachtsichtgeräte täuschen kann.

Then We’ll Send Our Better Half

December 3, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, NATO, Syria 1 Comment

Syria conflict: Half of German Tornado jets ‘not airworthy’

Ain’t no big deal, as German Defense Minister Ursula von der Leyen has stressed, because Germany only needs to send six Tornado jets for the proposed mission against Islamic State (IS) militants in Syria. Six that maybe ought to be halfway operational, she means.

This German war machine, she is stll broken, señor (thank goodness weapons exports are still A-OK, though).

“Die Lage der fliegenden Systeme bleibt unbefriedigend.”

German Of The Day: Aufklärungstornados

November 27, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hi-tech, Hurt Feelings Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Paris, Syria, Terror, Tornadoes 1 Comment

That means reconnaissance Tornadoes.

The Paris attacks brought changes: Germany has pledged “any form of support” to France in its fight against terrorism. Right now, it looks like the German military will deploy its Tornado reconnaissance jets…

Reconnaissance jets have already been used in international military missions, for example, in the Balkans and Afghanistan. There, up to six German Tornados supplied their NATO partners with information about Taliban positions. The pictures are taken with cameras attached to the fuselage of the fighter bombers. After the planes have completed their mission and landed, the film must be developed and analyzed, which takes some time, but the images have a much higher resolution and are much more detailed than other types of aerial photography.

Deutsche Fotos für den Luftkrieg der anderen

Germany To Double Its Presence In Mali to 18 Men

November 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, France, German, Germans, Germany, Mali, Paris, Terror, Terrorism, War Leave a comment

Eager to help its neighbor France redistribute its military forces in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris, and keen to stay out of harm’s way while pretending to have a real military of its own, Germany has generously volunteered to increase the number of its already sizable forces presently stationed in Mali. Some sources close to the chicly coiffed head of the German war machine herself have even suggested that she may even actually double the number to a full 18 men (that’s a 1 and an 8). Personen (persons), I mean.

Meanwhile… Earlier on Tuesday, French President Francois Hollande said the French aircraft carrier Charles de Gaulle would head to the eastern Mediterranean offshore areas of Syria and Lebanon, instead of the Persian Gulf as previously announced, to support military operations against the Islamic State (IS) extremist group.

Die Bundeswehr beteiligt sich an der UN-Mission Minusma in Mali derzeit unterstützend mit neun Soldaten.

PS: When Germans say nein they mean nine, damn it.

Call Of Duty Gamer Accidentally Takes Over German Missile Battery

July 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Bundeswehr, Computers, Defense, Games, Hackers, Hacking, Humor, Patriot Missiles, Satire, Turkey Leave a comment

Or he’s just that good. Apparently the same guy who ruined the Bundestag’s computer network last month, an overzealous German Call of Duty gamer has now managed to get a German Patriot missile battery stationed in Turkey to carry out several strange and “unexplained” orders.

One of them was for pizza, too, I bet.

“I don’t think it’s actually happened, which is not to say that some of these systems are not hackable in some way. It is possible in some way perhaps to detect the presence of it, but anything more than that is going to take some serious skills.”

Germany Celebrates 60th Year In NATO

June 29, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Allies, Defense, German, Germans, Germany, Military, NATO, Responsibility, Spending Leave a comment

By maybe-possibly-perhaps increasing its current expenditure of 1.2 percent of German GDP on its military. Maybe, like I said. Hard to say for sure. They don’t want to overdo it or anything, just yet. Being newbies and all, I mean. And it’s not like Germany has ever gotten all that much out of being a NATO member or anything…

“I am speaking to all the allies. But as the biggest economy, Germany weighs more heavily than others. The USA spends four percent of GDP on defense, in Europe we’re closer to one percent. “That isn’t a fair distribution of the burden.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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