Germany Reassures NATO Partners It Will Continue To Miss Defense Spending Goals

Worried that the German government’s tax revenues are likely to decrease in coming years due to a slowing economy, German defense officials were quick to explain to their NATO partners that this will have absolutely no effect on the country’s continued failure to increase defense expenditures.

Defens

“Whether tax revenues increase or not is really not the issue here,” these officials stressed. “We have absolutely no intention of raising our defense spending under any circumstances. We do this to ensure that our NATO partners will be able to plan effectively for future increased defense spending on their part and thus continue to protect us as they have done so in the past, pretty much free of charge. For us, anyway. But still.”

“We have time until the end of March. Let us negotiate.”

German Of The Day: Milliardenloch

That means a billion-euro hole. You know, as in the ones that will be appearing in the coming German federal budgets?

Loch

The money has been rolling in to Berlin for years but it looks like those days are about to end. Germany’s current finance minister, Olaf Scholz (SPD), warns that the government will be missing some 25 billion euros by 2023. No new expenditures possible, folks. Not unless there are cuts somewhere else. Right. Good luck with that, pal. You’re with the SPD, for crying out loud (that stands for Spend other People’s Dough).

And it sure would be a shocker if Germany now used this as an excuse not to live up to its defense spending commitments, wouldn’t it? See how this works, folks?

Nach Jahren sprudelnder Steuereinnahmen droht dem Bund wegen der abflauenden Konjunktur ein 25-Milliarden-Loch im Haushalt bis 2023.

German Of The Day: Antidemokratisch

That means antidemocratic.

Quotas

Women in Germany won the right to vote in 1918, but a century later they still do not enjoy equal representation. Though the country is led by a woman — who will, most likely, be succeeded by another woman — fewer than a third of the members of the federal Parliament, the Bundestag, are female.

That’s why leading figures from all major German parties are now calling for parity: a 50-50 quota for male and female representatives in the Bundestag and the 16 state-level Parliaments. But is achieving a gender balance in Germany’s legislatures worth weakening another hard-fought accomplishment, the right to free electoral choice?

In a word, no.

Der gute Zweck heiligt nicht den Zwang.

This Is A Bad Hair Day

For hair everywhere. Especially in the Bundeswehr. German court rules goth soldier must get a hair cut.

Goth

Sorry, pal. But a man’s goth to do what he’s goth to do. At least those cute Bundeswehr chicks goth off the hook…

The soldier, a member of Germany’s Gothic scene who wants to wear his hair long, considered the armed services law discriminatory because it allows women to wear long hair, but not men.

Men in previous ages wore their hair long, argued the 51-year-old who works in the defense ministry in Bonn. He said ancient, long-haired warriors were thought to have a particular masculinity, so he did not understand why only women were currently allowed to wear their hair long.

“Fashionable hairstyles are allowed, provided they are not particularly conspicuous in cut or shape, such as mohawk, ornamental or sidecuts.”

How Sexist Or Something

The Berlin International Film Festival will sign the 50/50 by 2020 gender parity pledge,

Gender

So, like, let me get this straight. You are ASSuming that there are only TWO genders or what, Herr Dieter Kosslick with the dopey hat? You’re going to get letters, pal. Some might have explosives in them, too.

At first I thought they meant 50/50 with regard to the quality of the films they show here at the Berlinale. You know, 50 percent crappy and the other 50 percent really crappy? But I was way off, as usual.

The 50/50 by 2020 pledge does not mandate gender quotas, but calls for festivals to strive for gender parity in top management and for them to publish figures on the gender of the directors of films submitted every year.

Speaking Of Mangelhaft…

As reported yesterday, the guy in charge of inspecting the Bundeswehr has given it yet another inadequate (mangelhaft) rating.

Steinmeier

Now the President of Germany himself, that guy up there, forget his name, can  personally confirm this. He is currently gestrandet (stranded) in Ethiopia after making a state visit because his Bundeswehr One or whatever the hell they call it is, well, she is broken.

Anybody know anybody passing through Ethiopia the next few days who might be willing to pick up the President of Germany and bring him to the nearest bus station or something?

Die Unglücksserie bei den deutschen Regierungsfliegern reißt nicht ab. Nach Entwicklungsminister Müller sitzt nun auch Bundespräsident Steinmeier zeitweise in Afrika fest. Ein Defekt an seiner Airbus-Maschine muss erst noch repariert werden.

German Of The Day: Mangelhaft

That means inadequate.

Mangelhaft

And that’s what Germany’s Wehrbeauftragter (Defense Commissioner) has to say about the conditions of Germany’s Bundeswehr. It’s still inadequate. I know this isn’t news or anything but it’s a cool word, don’t you think?

Funny, the Bundeswehr has been inadequate for as long as anyone can remember. At what point can you safely conclude that this inadequacy is intentional?

“Die Lage der Bundeswehr als „nach wie vor mangelhaft.”

Exit? What Exit?

What Angela Merkel’s exit means for Germany — and Europe.

Merkel

Hilarious! Merkel’s announcement comes at a pivotal time when nationalism is on the rise in Europe and the continent is still reeling from the 2015 migrant crisis.

Whah? Huh? She caused the 2015 migrant crisis. She is therefore directly responsible for this rise in nationalism you are so concerned about. And she ain’t going nowhere, either. She’s already hand-picked her Mini-MErkel to take the reins should anyone ever figure out how to get her to actually go away (other than at gunpoint).

All I can say is… German oddity 5. Young adults in Germany have never known a chancellor other than Angela Merkel. She has been in office since 2005. It’s time to go. It’s been time to go for quite some time now even. Geh mit Gott (go with God) but go. And don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Germans Recycle Their Plastic, Right?

And this makes them feel good about themselves. They do it for the environment, you see. Their environment, it turns out. Because when all their plastic finally gets processed in their big plastic recycle machine thingy or whatever the hell it is, most of it has somehow ended up in… Souutheast Asia. It’s magic.

Plastic

Officially, the country’s recycling rate is 36 percent. But critics say this number is far from the ugly truth. A new packaging law even states that by 2022, 63 percent of all plastic waste should be recycled. But Peter Kurth, director of the Association of German Disposal-, Water- and Resource-Economy (BDE), said he considers this number utopian…

What cannot be economically recycled usually finds its way to the incinerator, for example in plants in the chemical or cement industries, Kurth said, where burning plastic becomes a substitute fuel for oil and gas. But there is more plastic waste than all cement and chemical plants in Germany need. Kurth said what is not sold to customers in Germany is sold to Asia.

“While Germans are world champions of trash separation, not everything they toss into the yellow bin reserved for plastic packaging gets recycled. It is often incinerated. Statistics show that only 15 percent will actually be reused.”

“Germany” To Protect Consumers From Rising Electricity Prices?

The rising electricity prices that “Germany” caused in the first place, you mean?

Consumers

Well, not quite. The “German taxpayer” will have to protect consumers from these rising prices, as usual. It’s a brilliant business plan that only governments like “Germany” can think up. The consumer/taxpayer pays twice, see? It’s not like anybody has to ask them.

Germany is planning to protect consumers and manufacturers from the impact of abandoning cheap coal-fired power, which Berlin is looking to ditch for environmental reasons, according to a government body’s draft paper.

The Coal Commission, which is tasked with organizing the exit from coal, said in a 133-page draft document seen by Reuters that companies and private households should be spared from heavy price increases.

“The necessary funds must be made available by the state to finance the recommended measures.”