This Is Not A Fake News Item

I just don’t get this stuff anymore. Are these people only confused or just plain stupid?

Confused

A young left-wing German politician has admitted she lied to police about the racial background of three men who raped her in case it triggered reprisals against refugees in her country.

Selin Gören, the national spokeswoman of the left-wing youth movement Solid, was attacked by three men in January in the city of Mannheim where she works as a refugee activist.

The 24-year-old was ambushed late at night in a playground where she said she was forced to perform a sex act on her attackers.

After the assault she went straight to the police – but she did not tell them the ethnic make-up of the men, that they were speaking Arabic or Farsi.

Eine junge Frau wird vergewaltigt und sagt es niemandem. Der Grund: Die Täter waren Männer mit arabischer Herkunft. Sie wollte den Rassismus nicht weiter befeuern.

Elfmeterhelden

Eleven Meter Heroes“?*

Germany

I’m there, dude. I just hope this flick is half as good as Attack of the 50-Foot Woman.

Woman

Germany had to negotiate the equal-longest penalty shootout in Euros history but they finally managed to overcome Italy in a competitive game to set up a last-four clash against hosts France or Iceland.

*Penalty kick heroes.

Whaddya Mean 501 German Oddities For Only 99 Cents?

Why that’s almost 5.060606060606061 oddities per penny!

Critics

What a steal.

Just ask Marina. If you happen to know her, I mean:

“Hermann, thank you for your blog and books, I am hooked. I recently picked up 501 German Oddities and couldn’t stop laughing. I am German, but live in Boston with my husband, who is from the area and grew up here. We cracked up so many times and just had a blast reading your book. It was actually eye opening at times to the both of us and explained some “odd” behaviors of mine to him. Super grateful for the book and can’t wait to see more blog entries. All the best, Marina.”

Limited time offer or something.

PS: Also available at Smashwords, iTunes, etc.

German Of The Day: Selbstmord

That means suicide. You could translate this literally as meaning self-murder. Or as the kids these days probably prefer to say, selfie-murder.

Selfie

German tourist at Machu Picchu plunges 100m to his death ‘after selfie goes wrong

Der 51 Jahre alte Mann, dessen Name mit Oliver P. angegeben wurde, war offenbar über eine Sicherheitsabsperrung geklettert, um zu fotografieren.

Good Question

Could Germans vote to exit the EU?

Dexit

In a word, no.

Germans could only vote on exiting the EU if they first change their constitution to include such “direct democracy” at the national level. Only then could the Berlin government or parliament call a referendum.

Now isn’t that convenient. You’re not asked if you want in, you’re  not asked about anything while you’re in and you couldn’t even ask to leave if you wanted to. So like why even ask?

And besides, what would you call the damned thing? A Dexet? A Gerexit? It just doesn’t have the right Klang.

Germany’s More Democracy organization has long called for making possible popular national referendums in the country. On its website, the group argues that the government merely presents “politics without any alternative” which parliament then “nods through.”

Germany Planning To Unveil Secret Hell-Freezing-Over Device

They must be. Otherwise they wouldn’t be so delusional about thinking that they could ever have the bittiest little chance of getting a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

UN

I don’t know what German foreign minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD) has been smoking these past few days but he has certainly been on a roll. This is the same guy, mind you, who just accused the NATO of warmongering by staging military exercises in support of its eastern NATO members (they appear to be concerned about some other types of exercises being carried out by another way big non-NATO country just a bit further down the road).

And now he thinks that a toothless, nay-saying nation like Germany somehow has the right to determine policy in the body that is at least nominally charged with the maintenance of international peace and security? Like I said. It must be some really good stuff.

Steinmeier, an honor graduate from the Neville Chamberlain Institute of Applied Appeasement, now specializes in mistaking cause and effect and is also branching out into the popular field of abandoning worried NATO neighbor countries in the East.

EU Threatens To Toss Great Britain Out Of The EU If It Has Not Packed Up Its Bags And Left By Tuesday

Or at the very least handed in its official resignation thingy by then, that is.

President

The unelected President of the European Parlament, Dingsda (what’s his name) is mad as hell at this Brexit Scheiß (crap) and isn’t going to take it anymore. After Great Britain’s sovereign decision to leave the EU last week he now demands that Great Britain leave the EU. If it does not do so immediately, he says, the EU will have no other choice but to toss Great Britain out of the EU. This is of course something that none of us want to do, he added, except for maybe Great Britain, that is, but believe you me we will do so anyway if we are forced to. Honest. So watch out already we mean business.

Der Präsident des Europaparlaments, Martin Schulz, sagte der “Bild am Sonntag”, der Gipfel am kommenden Dienstag sei hierfür der geeignete Zeitpunkt.

German Of The Day: Verantwortbarkeit, Verantwortlichkeit und Rechenschaft

Take your pick, all three mean accountability. Sort of.

Brexit

You know, like the kind of political accountability the British just voted to get back again? They soon won’t have to comply to the whims of unelected Eurocrats anymore.

Funny, but in German (and in other European languages, it seems) there does not seem to be a clear-cut translation for that very simple word.

Großbritannien wird aus der EU austreten und erschüttert damit den Staatenbund in seinen Grundfesten. Es ist die größte Krise der EU in ihrer bisherigen Geschichte. Jetzt greift Plan B, doch gibt es den überhaupt? Bislang scheint niemand genau zu wissen, wie es weitergeht, der Schock steht den führenden Politikern Europas ins Gesicht geschrieben.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Talk about crossing a red line. Now all bets are off, people.

Nudists

The influx of more than 1m migrants has already divided Germany. But the latest row casts it as a threat to the very heart of German culture: the right to walk around in public in the nude.

Nudists at a club near the historic town of Meissen were incensed when they received new rules from the local authority suggesting they would not be allowed to swim naked in the local lake where they have been skinny-dipping for over a century.

Neues aus Absurdistan. “Wir bewegen uns seit 1905 nackt im Gelände.”