German Of The Day: Zigeunersauce

You may think that the rest of the world hates us, my fellow Americans – and indeed they do – but they also blindly copy anything and everything braindead we do.

Sauce

Take Zigeunersauce, for instance. That means “Gypsy sauce.” And because the word Gypsy, like the names Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima and yada, yada you get where I’m going with this, is one of those names we do not speak unless we are racists, it can no longer be used as a product name here in good-old Germany. The firm Knorr will now be calling their racist Gypsy sauce Hungarian-Style Bell Pepper Sauce instead.

“Same great taste, half the racism!”

In ein paar Wochen finden Sie diese als „Paprikasauce Ungarische Art“ im Regal.

 

“Why The Name Mohammed Is So Popular”

In Germany. In Berlin, in particular. That’s the title of this article down here.

Name

I didn’t bother to read it. I’m pretty sure I know why that is and I don’t need a journalist explain to me why I’m wrong.

Mohammed is the most popular name for baby boys in Berlin… Bild, a German newspaper, reported data from the Gesellschaft für deutsche Sprache (GfdS), or German Language Society.

Mohammed in all its variants was the most popular name in Berlin, and the second most popular in Bremen, ahead of Ben but behind Elias.

Dass Mohammed in Berlin erstmals auf Platz eins der Vornamen-Hitliste steht, sorgt für Aufregung. Aber warum eigentlich?

If We Rename The Street It Never Happened

Berlin is set to rename streets linked to atrocities Germany committed during its 1884-1919 occupation of Namibia.

Streets

Local councillors agreed on new street names for the so-called African Quarter in the north-west of the German capital on Wednesday evening.

The resaoning goes like this, I think: Historical or cultural explanations for events that took place over 100 years ago by people who have absolutely nothing to do with the culture under strict supervision by today’s ultra-moralists cannot even be brought up much less considered as this would be, well, heretical. OUR moral truth is universal and transcends space and time so we, as in you, are responsible for everything everywhere at all times that ever happened, throughout all known dimensions even, except the modern parallel universes we have created here in town and elsewhere and refuse to address much less take responsibility for. So we, as in you, should be ashamed of yourselves already.

“The African Quarter still glorifies colonialism and its crimes,” council members from the Greens, Social Democrats and Left parties say in their joint motion.

German Of The Day: Entschädigung

That means compensation.

Fucking

Hey, what’s in a name, right? The sex site Pornhub has published a YouTube video in which it offers the Austrian town of Fucking – along with a few other towns also having interesting names (listed below) – lifetime free access to its content.

It’s called the Premium Places Program and is meant to help soothe the mental anguish these poor townsfolk must have to go through.

“Where were you born, son?” “You got married where?” “And just where is this cemetary located?”

“In Fucking, Austria, I said. You deaf or something?”

Auch La Vagina in Italien, Orgy in Frankreich, Rectum in den Niederlanden, Bitsch in der Schweiz (Kanton Wallis) und Cumming in den USA gehören unter anderem zu den auserwählten Orten.

Misleading AND Unsettling

That’s what German agriculture minister Christian Schmidt thinks about food names like “vegetarian schnitzel” and “vegan curry sausage.” He even thinks that names like these should be banned because they mislead and unsettle the public.

Wurst

And I almost agree – those two names unsettle me, for one. Only what do you do about all those other weird traditional German food names out there already? You know, like Leberkäse (liver cheese – neither liver nor cheese inside), Teewurst (tea sausage – no tea), Bierschinken (beer ham – no beer), Baumkuchen (tree cake – no tree), Armer Ritter (poor knight – no knight, poor or otherwise) and Amerikaner (there sure the hell better not be any Americans in there!)? I mean, how misleading and unsettling is that? Let’s cut our loses and call the whole thing off, Herr Minister Schmidt.

Niemand dürfe „bei diesen Pseudo-Fleischgerichten so tun, als ob es Fleisch wäre“, forderte Schmidt.

I’m Taking The Day Off

Bumgarner

“Ich bin jetzt doch ein bisschen müde”, sagte Bumgarner nach der Partie. Er stand einst nicht in der Schlange, in der Emotionen verteilt wurden; wahrscheinlich war er gerade damit beschäftigt, sich eine zweite Portion jener Fähigkeit abzuholen, einen Baseball möglichst schnell und möglichst genau werfen zu können.

Bumgarner. Hmmm. That’s got French roots, doesn’t it?

More German name problems

As you probably know, unless your name is Jihad, you can easily get discriminated against here in Germany. Especially here in grade school, or so I just read.

Kevin alone in Germany.

Sorry, that was a bit misleading about Jihad. There actually are a few other names that are still okay here too. A study just indicated that if your name is Sophie or Alexander or Maximilian or Katharina, for instance, German grade school teachers will treat you with a whole lot more respect than if your name is Justin, Chantal, Jaquelin or Marvin.

Or as one German teacher summed it up, involuntarily, when asked about one particular name: “Kevin is not a name, it’s a diagnosis.”

Funny, those names don’t sound all that funny to me. They almost sound, well, like American names. Hey, wait a minute…

“Eine Studie zeigt, dass Grundschulpädagogen Vorurteile gegen bestimmte Vornamen hegen – und manche Kinder deswegen sogar als besonders verhaltensauffällig einstufen.”