German Spy Etiquiette Initiative Fails For Now

But will most likely be introduced again at a much later date once hell freezes over.


The United States and Germany had been negotiating over mutual rules for intelligence-gathering aimed at each other, but there still appears to be “some gaps that need to be worked through.”

It seems Angie Merkel suddenly had more important things to say than talk about the NSA during her latest stay in the USA. Hey, that rhymes.

“We do not have a blanket no-spy agreement with any country.”

The Guy On The Right Is Clearly Larry


So the guy in the middle must be Curly.


Best Friends Again Thanks To Putin

Wie ernst ist einem US-Präsidenten, der mit einer zunehmend isolationistischen Heimatfront ringen muss, eine neue Annäherung an Old Europe?

Und wie ernst meint es Europa mit seiner neuen Geradlinigkeit in der Krise, etwa wenn es darum geht, scharfe Wirtschaftssanktionen gegen Russland zu verhängen?

Tsar Vladimir Vs. The Empire Of Peace

Gee, I wonder who is going to win? Or who just won, I mean.


Russia is back and intent to recoup its losses suffered at cold war’s end. Mr. Obama’s America is difficult to fathom as it disarms and turns inward (for “a little nation-building at home,” as the president keeps intoning). So suddenly, Europe – this self-proclaimed “empire of peace” – has to recalculate, and Germany is the best bellwether of change.

Germany? And the Pres himself? You can kiss Crimea goodbye for good, Ukraine.

Putin will go as far as he can get with minimal risk and effort.

Germans Bugging Americans About Bugging Germans Again

Well they’re sure bugging me.


I mean, the Pres already told the NSA to stop listening in on Angela Merkel, right? So like are they now supposed to stop listening in on everybody else out there, too? Why that’s, I dunno, unrealistic or something. Damned if you do. Damned if you still do.

The National Security Agency (NSA) has stepped up its surveillance of senior German government officials since being ordered by Barack Obama to halt its spying on Chancellor Angela Merkel, Bild am Sonntag paper reported on Sunday.

Was soll ich denken?”

PS: Looking at that picture up there makes me think that I could work for the NSA, too. I bet I could have cracked that password eventually myself.

Let’s Move Along Now, Nothing To See Here, Meine Damen Und Herren…

Former US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates has just published a book about “duty” or something, whatever that is.


The former defense secretary says Obama believed his own troop surge – the move of 30,000 troops into Afghanistan – would fail.

Hillary Clinton announced her opposition to Bush’s Iraq troop ‘surge’ just before entering the presidential race.

He also attacked VP Joe Biden, saying he “has been wrong on nearly every major foreign policy and national security issue.”

Ein Präsident, der seiner eigenen Afghanistan-Strategie nicht traut und sie mit wahltaktischen Erwägungen verwässert; ein Vizepräsident, der Obamas Verhältnis zu den Spitzenmilitärs “vergiftet” habe; ein Kongress, dessen Mitglieder zumeist “inkompetent” seien und “sich selbst (und ihre Wiederwahl) vor das Land” setzen.

Some Things Never Change

And this is supposed to be news? “Berlin is the European capital for secret agents.”


Or how about this one: “Most of the foreign agents active in Berlin enjoy diplomatic status and can therefore not be collared by German law enforcement authorities.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I’m living in Wunderland sometimes. In “the old days” everybody knew the deal and nobody ever even raised an eyebrow (“früher war alles besser“). Now everybody’s got hurt feelings all the time. I do wish someone would finally call their parents and have this all explained to them.

“Die meisten ausländischen Agenten, die in Berlin tätig sind, verfügen über einen Diplomatenstatus und sind damit für die deutschen Strafverfolgungsbehörden nicht fassbar.”

Germany Suddenly Causing Global Economic Instability Again Or Something

The United States reprimanded Germany on Wednesday, saying its exporting prowess was hampering economic stability in Europe and hurting the global economy…

The criticism comes at a tricky juncture in relations between Washington and Berlin. German envoys met the White House national security adviser in Washington on Wednesday following reports the United States monitored German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone.


Germany’s economic policies causing global instability? That would be nice and all but I smell a rat here somewhere. Although I must say that when it comes to instability, global or otherwise, I would certainly always take our current administration’s recommendations very seriously. They sure seem to know what they are talking about these days.

“Die Kritik ist nicht nachvollziehbar.”

Germans Push To Introduce Espionage Etiquette Manual

Folks in Germany are always very anxious about social etiquette and behaving correctly in public.


The „Knigge,“ for instance, is a famous book about social rules and how one should behave in practically all situations. When it comes to seating arrangements at table, for instance:

1. Couples that aren’t married always sit together.
2. Married couples normally don’t sit abreast.
3. Not until the homemaker wants to sit on the table the guests are allowed to sit, too.
4. The dish rests on the table until the last guest has eaten his meal.

Now, in the wake of all this undue excitement going on about the Obama administration’s benevolent “Merkelphone” eavesdropping program, Germany has decided to take the initiative when it comes to etiquette in certain private (or private eye) matters, too. During a two-day summit in Brussels, the Germans have suggested the introduction of an internationally recognized Espionage Etiquette Manual to be followed geflissentlich (studiously) by all superpowers on earth.

When it comes to spying on close nations and/or friends, for instance, the new “Spy Knigge” points out, among other things,  that:

1. Bugging cell phones used by heads of state is still allowed, but strictly for PRIVATE information gathering purposes only.
2. No fancy hi-tech spy stuff should ever be used against those using technology they are clearly clueless about.
3. State secrets are to be assumed to be secret for a good reason and are to be left secret and in the state said state secreted them in. But if they absolutely positively must be stolen, never ever let anybody out there find out about it. For crying out loud.

Bis Ende des Jahres wollen Frankreich und Deutschland bilaterale Gespräche mit den USA führen und ein “gemeinsames Verständnis für einen Kooperationsrahmen” erarbeiten.

NSA Not Monitoring Chancellor’s Cell Phone

Talk about your sleeper cell phone.


The Obama administration has denied that the NSA is monitoring the communications on chancellor Angela Merkel’s cell phone.

This was confirmed by NSA officials after Merkel had called to discuss the matter with Obama on her cell phone.

Merkel und Obama hätten in dem Telefonat übereingestimmt, die Kooperation der Geheimdienste beider Länder zu intensivieren.