Arresting One Of The Fourteen Would Have Been Enough

Why did German authorities fail to stop Anis Amri, Spiegel asks? Like, duh. Because they can. And boy oh boy can they ever.

Amri

I mean, what didn’t go wrong here? Now it’s come out that this guy was known to German authorities under fourteen different identities long before the attack in Berlin took place. Nothing suspicious there, right? That’s why nothing was undertaken, I guess. Now people are asking why but they already know why because that’s why German authorities are there. To do nothing. Except get reprimanded for using bad words. That’s why. Inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Aus einem Bericht des NRW-Landeskriminaldirektors Dieter Schürmann vor dem Ausschuss ging hevor, dass Amri den deutschen Behörden unter insgesamt 14 verschiedenen Identitäten bekannt war.

Everything Under Control

My. This certainly inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Terror

The guy German authorities are now looking for came to the country illegally (no passport). He had served four years in an Italian prison before that for burning down a school. He was wanted in Tunisia for other crimes. He has been committing other crimes since he arrived here in Germany but there have been no consequences. He was under surveillance for six months here because authorities feared he had become radicalized and may have been planning an attack but then they stopped the surveillance once they couldn’t get the specifics they needed to arrest him. He was due to be deported after the authorities finally got around to turning down his asylum application but they couldn’t send him back to Tunisia because he doesn’t have a passport, remember (Tunisia suddenly sent one for him, by the way – after the attack took place)? And then they lost track of him. And the only reason they even know who this guy is is because he was nice enough to leave an identification document and his fingerprints in the murder weapon truck he drove.

Well, at least they saved tons of time here in the chase by having so much information on film, right?

But other than that, the German government assures everyone that everything is under control. Now THAT is terrifying.

German Spies Don’t Spy On Friends

But only because they appear to have Laurel and Hardy doing it.

BND

An attempt to wiretap John Kerry’s personal cellphone number back in 2013 failed, for instance, because the agent trying to do the listening in mixed up the US country code with one from Africa.

The Germans apparently had better luck spying on the former foreign policy chief of the European Union, Catherine Ashton back in 2008, however, although I have to assume that they misdialed this number, too. Maybe they were tying to listen in on that Jose Manuel Barroso guy instead?

Laut „Spiegel“ hatte der BND auch die Handynummer von US-Außenminister John Kerry 2013 in die Erfassung aufgenommen. Dabei habe es aber wegen einer Panne keine Abhörergebnisse gegeben: Ein BND-Mitarbeiter habe angeblich statt der Ländervorwahl der USA versehentlich die eines afrikanischen Landes eingegeben.

“Friends Don’t Spy On Friends”

So that’s why Germany’s BND spied on EU neighbors and US-Amerika itself, I guess.

BND

The German magazine Der Spiegel has reported that Germany’s Federal Intelligence Service (BND) spied on European and American organizations until 2013.

To what depths have you sunk, Germany? A spy agency that actually spies on people? What will be next? A military that actually goes to war? A border patrol that actually protects your borders? Granted, all of this remains well within the realm of science fiction but we ARE still allowed to speculate about crazy un-German ideas like these in public here. Aren’t we?

So. I assume now that everybody in Germany is going to be REALLY REALLY empört (outraged) about this. Although you know what they say about you when you assume things. How you make an ass- out of u and -me?

Abhören unter Freunden – das geht doch: Ähnlich wie die NSA hat offenbar auch der BND die Kommunikation befreundeter EU-Staaten ausgespäht. Ziele der Spionage waren laut rbb Inforadio offenbar europäische und amerikanische Einrichtungen.

How Do You Want Your ID?

Rare to non-existent, many Germans will tell you. They place them in microwaves here to destroy the RFID chips inside, you see.

Or boil them – if they’re paranoid about microwave ovens, too.

Otherwise most of these folks appear to be able to live normal, somewhat productive lives.

When it comes to privacy, Germans can’t take a joke. After it was revealed that the U.S. National Security Agency had intercepted calls in Germany, sales of old-school typewriters were reported to have skyrocketed, as some Germans assumed that sending letters might make communications surveillance harder for U.S. officials.

It’s not only American surveillance that Germans are concerned about, however. On Tuesday, a 29-year old man was arrested at Frankfurt Airport after authorities noticed that he had microwaved his German identification card, reported German news agency dpa.

German Doves Demand Pigeon Deployment

As expected and secretly hoped for, the proposal to send German military-surveillance drones to monitor the cease-fire in eastern Ukraine has run into a thicket of legal problems.

Drones

To pacify Moscow and the German doves opposed to the deployment, German pigeon drones will now be used instead.

France and Germany said they would consider providing drones. But their request to send armed teams as well to safeguard the drone operators could run into resistance at the OSCE, a civilian organization that includes Russia, which would have to agree to the plan.

Germany To Introduce American Trust Level Advisory System

Outraged by allegations that a German employee of the German foreign-intelligence agency BND may have been a double-agent who passed along information to the CIA (about a parliamentary inquiry of NSA surveillance programs), the German public’s level of trust towards the USA has now reached such a new level of low that a color-coded trust level advisory scale will now need to be introduced.

Threat

Based on the American Homeland Security Advisory System, the coming German Trust-Amerika Level Advisory Scale will have a few fundamental differences, however. The “normal” green trust level will start out at Absolute Zero, for instance. It will then work it’s way down, or up, if you prefer, to Less Than Absolute Zero, Way Less Than Absolute Zero, Highly Less Than Absolute Zero and then to the Severely Less Than Absolute Zero It Doesn’t Get Any Less Absolute Zero Than This, People level.

It is unclear when the new system will be introduced as these plans are super-mega-ultra top secret and have not been officially leaked by the responsible double-agents yet.

“If the suspicion of a targeted attack on a German constitutional body is confirmed, just one year after the first Snowden disclosures, that would set the level of trust back to zero and result in political consequences.”

Ronald McDonald Could Take The Stand At Attempted Bonn Bombing Trial

After having placed charges against four alleged Islamist militants for plotting a failed bomb attack at the Bonn railway station in 2012, German authorities have now contacted the McDonald’s Corporation to try to find out how it could be so easy for them to deliver the incriminating video while the German security cameras aimed at the platform where the explosive device was found didn’t even, well, you know, like exist.

Bomb

“Our main interest is in establishing how the hell they got permission to install those things here in Germany, and from whom,” one authority said. “It would be really cool if we could do the same thing here too, you know?”

“Of course we also want to make sure that McDonald’s understands the complex implications involved when it comes to questions of video surveillance and matters of privacy in our country,” he continued. “They can’t just go around spying on people in their restaurants like that, you know.”

Die Ungläubigen sollen Blut weinen.

Germans Bugging Americans About Bugging Germans Again

Well they’re sure bugging me.

Merkel

I mean, the Pres already told the NSA to stop listening in on Angela Merkel, right? So like are they now supposed to stop listening in on everybody else out there, too? Why that’s, I dunno, unrealistic or something. Damned if you do. Damned if you still do.

The National Security Agency (NSA) has stepped up its surveillance of senior German government officials since being ordered by Barack Obama to halt its spying on Chancellor Angela Merkel, Bild am Sonntag paper reported on Sunday.

Was soll ich denken?”

PS: Looking at that picture up there makes me think that I could work for the NSA, too. I bet I could have cracked that password eventually myself.

The Thrill Is Gone

My how time flies. Especially when it’s only been fifteen minutes.

Snowden

For the rest of us, I mean. Edward Snowden still has a whole lot more time on his hands.

The European parliament is to ditch demands on Wednesday that EU governments give guarantees of asylum and security to Edward Snowden, the National Security Agency whistleblower.

In Brüssel ist ein Vorstoß von Grünen und Linken gescheitert, dem Whistleblower Schutz in der EU zu gewähren. Der Innenausschuss des EU-Parlaments stimmte gegen den Antrag.