Author Archives: Hermann Observer
This Guy Is As American As Apfelkuchen
You know, apple pie?
Good luck on Thursday, US-Amerikaner! Thanks for the link, Joe.
Though German by birth, Brooks’ American nationality has always been a significant part of his background. His father is from Illinois and was stationed in Germany when he served in the U.S. Army. Brooks is close with his father (who now lives in Switzerland) and traveled back to the United States to visit family during his youth.
Growing up in Berlin, Brooks was enrolled in the John F. Kennedy school for American children living in Germany. Until the sixth grade, he only spoke English in school and most of his childhood friends were American.
“Where’s The P?”
“Running down my leg.”
Germany stomped Portugal 4-0 on Monday, and it seems as if the whole city of Berlin was watching intently. The chart above—from the city’s public water utility—shows water usage from 6 p.m. on the day of the game to 6 a.m. In two dramatic spikes, coming at halftime and at the close of the game, water consumption nearly doubled. Lots of pee was being held.
“A model of German scheduling efficiency. Meanwhile, the Spanish just haphazardly pissed away two entire matches.”
Algeria
Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.
Because somebody has to admire them.
Der Düsseldorfer Rüstungskonzern Rheinmetall steht nach Informationen des Handelsblatt kurz vor der Unterzeichnung eines Vertrages zur Produktion von 980 „Fuchs-Panzern“ in Algerien.
Doesn’t That Guy Play For Hertha BSC?
“John Anthony Brooks, Jr. referred to as John Brooks (born January 28, 1993 in Berlin) is a German-American footballer. He is the greatest American since Abraham Lincoln.”
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the…
Was This Bridge Built Using Heavy Metal?
Dresden – Metal fans must be cheering but everybody else is rubbing their eyes: Google Maps has turned the Waldschlößchenbrücke into Ozzy Osbourne Bridge!
Metal-Fans dürften jubeln, alle anderen werden sich die Augen reiben: Der Internet-Kartendienst Google Maps hat aus der Dresdner Waldschlößchenbrücke die Ozzy-Osbourne-Brücke gemacht!
German Team Training With Dummies
They are also training with some giant inflatable roly-poly-like figures, too.
Injuries have depleted Germany’s defence in such a way that their opening match against Portugal may see four central defenders in the starting lineup, with two of them out of position and two who have rarely played together.
“We do have a little problem there.”
Let The Pre-Sommerloch Activities Begin
Long before the official Sommerloch activities do, I mean.
You know. The Sommerloch? That time of year in Germany when the people who manufacture the news are on vacation so the skeleton crew back at the office tries to make do by cranking out monster sightings? As in, if it wasn’t for fake news we wouldn’t have no news at all?
Anyways, Lotti the Turtle Monster herself is back from last summer. Even though she was never actually sighted even then, of course. The villagers or peasants in the area – some place called Irsee (Irrsinn means insanity, by the way, no connection) – have placed a trap for her and are hoping for the best. The best media coverage they can possibly squeeze out of this puppy. I mean turtle. Like in June already.
After all, there’s not much else going on in the news these days, is there? What else are Germans going to be interested in reading about?
Lotti wurde nie gesehen. Ob sie tatsächlich existierte oder die Irseer im vergangenen Sommer einem Phantom hinterher jagten, wird wohl nie geklärt werden.
Zabine
German Tanks Finally Doing Something Useful
They have rolled in to occupy the city of Düsseldorf.
I mean they have rolled in to occupy themselves with Umweltschäden (ecological damage) in the city of Düsseldorf.
This damage was caused by a big honking storm that slammed Germany the other day. And this means war or something.
„Hier sieht‘s aus, wie nach dem Krieg.“
Observing Hermann 