Speaking Of Construction Projects…

August 6, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Berlin Brandenburg International, Construction Projects, Egypt, German, German Efficiency, Germans, Germany, Klaus Wowereit, Language, Myths, SPD, Suez Canal Leave a comment

So just let me get this straight. After one year Egypt has opened a major expansion of the freakin’ Suez Canal, deepening the waterway and providing ships with a 22 mile channel parallel to it.

Meanwhile, in Berlin…

The non-working airport, Berlin Brandenburg International (some prefer to call it Klaus Wowereit International), should have started working three years ago. It may start working in two years’ time. No one knows.

The most important thing to remember is German efficiency – both the term and concept – exists in our English-speaking world but not in theirs. You never hear Germans talking about German efficiency. Anyone who lives in Berlin knows why… While Germany may have a system for everything, Berlin proves every day there’s no system for when the system fails.

Dumb Question

August 3, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, hitchBOT, Invasions, Philadelphia, Robots, Vandalism, World War II 2 Comments

“What Would Have Happened if Germany Had Invaded the U.S. During World War II?”

That’s easy. They would have ended up like this little Canadian robot dude who, like, just tried invading our country or something.

Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love, OK? Nobody ever said anything about robots.

Let’s be honest, whether fair or not, Philadelphia has a certain reputation. It’s a city where football fans booed and threw snowballs at Santa Claus. Baseball fans once threw D cell batteries (the big ones) at visiting outfielder J.D. Drew. And now, it’s where an adorable robot who was only counting on the kindness of strangers to hitchhike across the country was vandalized, effectively ending his summer trip.

German Sommerloch Update: Two New Mysterious Extraterrestrial Phenomena Found Near Berlin

July 31, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: Berlin, Crop Circles, Extraterrestrials, German, Germans, Kornkreise, Language, UFOs 2 Comments

No, not in Friedrichshain. NEAR Berlin. In a place called Großziethen. The Germans in this area call these phenomena “Kornkreise” and they appear to be designs or patterns laid down gently in a growing crop, leaving the surrounding crop untouched. By aliens.

Here is a picture of a German Kornkreis taken earlier this year.

Needless to say, German Kornkreise are not spread randomly across the countryside but always appear near roads, areas of medium to dense population and Ortschaften (places) like Großziethen where there is obviously very, very little to do.

Two new crop circles have recently appeared in a suburb of Berlin and Dave Keating reports…

First Sommerloch Monster Sighting Already Over

July 28, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Kangaroos, Monsters, Summer, Wallabies 4 Comments

They don’t usually catch them, this time of year. But they had this guy in the bag in no time.

Kangaroos in Brandenburg? Why not, they’re in Sauerland and Rheinland these days, too.

I do wonder if Germany’s nature engineers have thought this through thoroughly, however. Didn’t they just reintroduce wolves here reently?

Polizisten, ein Tierarzt und Anwohner haben in Teltow-Fläming stundenlang ein Buschkänguru gejagt. Erst Betäubungspfeile konnten es stoppen.

Freital

July 26, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Freital, German, Germans, Germany, Nazis, Paranoia, Racism, Refugees, Xenophobia Leave a comment

Ugly Germans of the week.

Because somebody has to detest them.

Sommerloch Tornado Coming This Way!

July 24, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Films, German, Germans, Germany, Horror Films, Humor, Movies, Sharknado, Sharks, Sommerloch, Storms, Tornados, Trash, Zeljko 1 Comment

The German Sommerloch is famous for being the time for scary none-news news reports. It is also famous for being the time for reports about scary non-animal animals, too.

That is why everybody is all hot and bothered right now about that scary low front “Zeljko“ approching Germany as you read this. Many Sommerloch weather forecasters are worried that this could be the beginning of a real live Sommerloch tornado (ignore the fact that Germany doesn’t actually do tornados, please).

Others who prefer to remain anonymous are going to go even further out on the limb and are predicting that “Zeljko“ could turn into the dreaded Sommerloch Sharknado ITSELF!

Im ersten Teil bekämpfen sie die fliegenden Haie in Los Angeles, in Teil zwei in New York und in „Sharknado 3 – Oh Hell No!“ macht sich der Raubtier-Tornado über der gesamten Ostküste der USA breit.

Speaking Of Posing With Animals…

July 22, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking Tags: Animals, FKK, German, Germans, Germany, Nudists, Summer, Vacation 5 Comments

What’s wrong with this picture?

Dogs are allowed on the beaches here.

Six odd things Germans do in the summer: These summer pastimes show that Germans’ reputation for being uptight and straight-laced sticklers for punctuality couldn’t be further from the truth. Many like nothing better than getting naked and drunk, and blocking up public traffic routes on the way.

Is This A Polar Bear Panda-emic?

July 21, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Exhibitions, German, Germans, Germany, Jean-Marie Donat, Knut, Photography, Polar Bears, TeddyBär 5 Comments

I’m not koala-fied to say.

But I think I’ll have a kodiak arrest if I have to look at anymore photos of Germans posing with polar bears.

Do you get this? Me, neither. But I think I understand this Knut thing a little better now, at least.

Germans Arrive In Tehran For Piece Talks

July 20, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Iran, Islamic Terrorism, Sanctions, Sigmar Gabriel, Terrorism, Trade 1 Comment

Piece of the pie talks, that is.

Roughly four minutes after a deal with world powers over Iran’s nuclear program was reached, Germany’s Economy Minister Sigmar Gabriel flew down to Tehran (and boy are his arms tired) in another selfless attempt to bring more love and understanding to the troubled region and make tons and tons of money selling German stuff to the moolah-mullahs again in the process.

German exports to Iran hit 4.4 billion euros in 2005 but then slumped to 1.8 billion by 2013 as the West tightened the sanctions imposed over Iran’s nuclear programme. However, the agreement between Iran and six world powers including Germany has opened the prospect that the sanctions will be removed.

More German “Universalization,” Please

July 15, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Bailouts, Banktruptcy, EU, Euro, Germany, Greece, Socialism 1 Comment

German policy-makers genuinely believe the harsh medicine for Greece and others is the right thing to do, he added. In some ways, Germany is “trying to universalize its own history,” Mr. Kundnani noted. That history includes an extreme leeriness of inflation and debt, plus more recent experience about a decade ago with a series of successful economic reforms, including an overhaul of its labour market.

“I don’t see Germany as being an outlier. I see it rather as someone who is in the middle ground and seeking a balance. Germany is taking a lead by managing the debate.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes