Snowden Hiding In Germany

Or maybe he isn’t. But he couldn’t have picked a better place to go underground if he is. Germany simply doesn’t exist like other places do — not online, I mean.

Google

One of my Berlin neighbors forced Google to pixelate the façade of my apartment building on its popular Street View service a few years ago in the name of Teutonic privacy. Whether I liked it or not, my home was pixel bombed into oblivion.

In fact, so many people have opted to blot out their houses that web guru Jeff Jarvis said at the time Germany had “digitally desecrated” its online landscape.

“Activists like Edward Snowden, Julian Assange and Bradley Manning need international support and our solidarity.”

Snowden: Enthüllungen von Anfang an geplant

No Contradiction Here

Not for the Spiegel, anyway. At the moment they are somewhere between…

Big Brother

Obama’s Soft Totalitarianism – Europe Must Protect Itself from America

and

The German Prism: Berlin Wants to Spy Too.

For those who don’t know any better, I could see how you could imagine calling this a form of German schizophrenia. For those who do know better, that’s most definitely what you’d call it.

A monitored human being is not a free human being. And every state that systematically contravenes human rights, even in the alleged service of security, is acting criminally.

Germans See Germans Do

Shocking, these Americans and their surveillance state. It’s good to know that that kind of thing can’t happen here.

BND

Despite the scandal concerning the US spy program Prism, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (Federal Intelligence Service) is planning to monitor the Internet more thoroughly. 100 million euros are to be invested with more technical equipment and up to 100 more personnel planned.

Meanwhile… Federal Minister of the Interior Hans-Peter Friedrich (CSU) is arguing for a flight passenger security check system similar to the American model for those who enter Europe. German security services should be able to check to see “if someone is on the wanted or prosecuting authority lists” before the start of the journey.

So geht man nicht mit Freunden um, die im Kampf gegen den Terrorismus unsere wichtigsten Partner sind”, sagte der Minister der “Welt am Sonntag”. Friedrich betonte, Deutschland sei von Datenzulieferungen aus den USA abhängig. Es sei bekannt, “dass es die US-Geheimdienste sind, die uns immer wieder wichtige und richtige Hinweise gegeben haben“.

Obama’s Popularity Rating Plummets To 82 Percent In Germany

Prism

Germans are still enamored of Obama: a poll last week showed 82 percent view him favorably.

It used to be 92 percent so this must have something to do with the time he recently spent in Prism.

Just kidding. The real reason is because there are “gute Amis, böse Amis” (good Yankees and bad Yankees) and the Pres clearly belongs to the good ones, NO MATTER WHAT. I mean, this guy could rape a turtle live on “Wetten, dass..?” and nobody would find anything wrong with it (except the turtle). He’ll be back up to 92 percent here again in no time, in other words.

The bad Yankees are the awful scumbag Republican NSA types who actually did the snooping, by the way.

Damn. Speaking of snooping… He and his crew sure are cool, you’ve got to hand it to them. Even when he’s having them monitor you for your own good (and that whether you’re a tea partier or not). I think I’m going to call them the Cyber Snoop Dogg Pack from here on out. Rat Pack had already been taken.

Germans accuse U.S. of Stasi tactics before Obama visit

Big Obama Brother Says Chill Already

What’s all the excitement about with these NSA surveillance programs, Germany?

NSA

Your, I mean our president himself has ensured everyone everywhere that he has not become a Big Brother with eyes and ears throughout the world of online communications.

“You can’t have 100 percent security and then also have 100 percent privacy and zero inconvenience,” the Pres says. And that applies to you too, Germany. This is only for your own good, or something.

So take a chill pill already. If Obama is behind all of this then everything is fine, right? After all, you voted for him.

Es ist kein Geheimnis, dass die USA weltweit Kommunikation überwachen. Die Programme haben immer neue Namen, ob sie nun Echelon, Total Awareness oder TrailBlazer heißen. Aber ihr Ziel ist immer das gleiche: So viel wie möglich davon mitzubekommen, was Menschen miteinander reden. Nun ist es also Prism.

“German System” Suffering From Irregularity

But only in other countries where “German system” weapons are being exported to, of course.

Guns

“How do these weapons end up in places they should not be?” a distressed Deutsche Welle asks with concerned Kulleraugen (big wide saucer eyes). They clearly don’t have proper gun control laws down there in those awful places. Not like we do here in Germany.

For example, in Mexico, police forces in states which are embroiled in a drug war are considered even by the central government as part of the security problem in their regions – nevertheless they have been issued with German-built G36 assault rifles, which can fire up to 750 rounds a minute. Germany’s Economics Ministry, which is responsible for export clearance, in fact sanctioned shipment of the weapons to Mexico – but not to the restive regions. The State Prosecutor in Stuttgart has launched an investigation into the German manufacturer of the G36 assault rifle, Heckler & Koch. The arms company told Deutsche Welle that individual employees, who have since left Heckler & Koch, were to blame for the irregularities.

Germany prides itself on having “strict, even restrictive regulations” for the export of weapons of war.

Germans Shocked To Learn That American Drones Are Not Being Used To Fight Graffiti

While Germans are in the process of introducing small drones to patrol railyards by night in a bid to fight graffiti spraying terrorists, many were shocked to learn that American drones (piloted by soldiers stationed in Stuttgart and Ramstein) are being used to fight terrorists of another caliber in Somalia.

Drones

This puts Germans in a moral dilemma (something they are not at all accustomed to), because this yucky business of using drones to kill people who are planning to kill you (as in you Americans) is wrong because we (as in you Americans) are somehow responsible for having turned these terrorists into terrorists in the first place and if yucky things like piloting drones absolutely positively has to take place then it should take place on American soil and nowhere near a pleasant and peaceful place like Germany were yucky things of this nature are ausgeschlossen (impossible) from the get-go. Except for a little graffiti here and there, maybe. You see, we (as in we Germans) are pacifists.

In other words go ahead if you must, but not here. Because we know nothing, Colonel Hogan, nothing!

“Die Tötung eines Tatverdächtigen mithilfe einer bewaffneten Drohne außerhalb eines bewaffneten Konflikts” könne, wenn die Bundesregierung davon wisse und nicht protestiere, die “Beteiligung an einem völkerrechtlichen Delikt sein.”