Michael Moore Moved By German Kindness

February 18, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hideology, High Art, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin Film Festival#, Berlinale, Documentaries, Films, Michael Moore, Migrants, Milton Friedman, Movies, Refugees, Videos, Where to Invade Next 2 Comments

But only about a centimeter or two.

He’s a really big guy, see?

In a special wide-screen video appearance made especially for this year’s crappy Berlin Film Festival (Moore’s own latest crappy film, “Who to Offend Next,” oops, I mean “Where to Invade Next” is being shown here but he unfortunately cannot attend due to pneumonia and being a really, honking hefty dude, like I said) the annoying loudmouth commended Germany for its “kindness towards refugees, which has moved me and millions of Americans.” But, hey. Somebody’s got to do it, I guess.

Wanna see an even better Michael Moore video? When he was skinny, I mean?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdyKAIhLdNs

Eure Großzügigkeit und Güte gegenüber Flüchtlingen haben mich und Millionen Amerikaner bewegt. Und ich weiß, es gibt Probleme.

You Can Still Bring Your Dogs, Though

February 17, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hate, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Bans, Child-free, Children, German, Germans, Germany, Hotels, Kids 3 Comments

As we all know, adults need their peace and quiet. Especially if they are German adults.

And German adults who need their peace and quiet can also be real innovators. That is why Germany is currently leading the field when it comes to the child-free hotel industry. No shirts, no shoes, no sixteen years of age? No service, junior.

“Your children are loud, annoying, disruptive, shrieky, poorly behaved and annoying as hell and ruin everyone else’s experience. Maybe it’s time breeders stop trying to force everyone else to bow down to their special snowflakes and realize that no one else loves your kid.”

Mit Ruhe für Erwachsene werben Hotels, die für ihre Gäste ein Mindestalter vorschreiben. Auch in Deutschland gibt es einige der “Ab 16” oder “Ab 18”-Hotels. Die Reaktionen von Gästen und Publikum schwanken zwischen Zustimmung und Hass.

German Angst Is Back?

January 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 1 Comment

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

Finding Friends Now Illegal In Germany

January 15, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, Data Privacy, Data Protection, Facebook, Frank Zappa, Friend Finder, Friends, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia 2 Comments

If you had any friends, you wouldn’t have to find them, right?

And trying to find friends who aren’t your friends yet would only be an imposition and a possible violation of their Gott-given data privacy rights.

So just why are you trying to find these friends, anyway? Do you have some hidden agenda we don’t know about? What are you really up to? And, more importantly, why are you standing on ze corner?

Germany’s Federal Court of Justice has upheld a 2014 judgement that Facebook’s Friend Finder feature is illegal under laws concerning both unwanted commercial promotions and data protection, following an appeal by the social media giant.

The album (Weasels Ripped My Flesh) also documents the brief tenure of Lowell George (guitar and vocals), who went on to found the country-rock band Little Feat with Mothers bassist Roy Estrada . On “Didja Get Any Onya?”, George affects a German accent to relate a story of being a small boy in Germany and seeing “a lot of people stand around on the corners asking questions, ‘Why are you standing on the corner, acting the way you act, looking the way you look, why do you look that way?'”

Stress Lady Back With A Vengeance

November 25, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Health, Humor, Hypochondria, Polls, Sickness, Stress, Studies, Work Leave a comment

Just like she already was here and here and here and here. And here.

Jeepers. What took her so long this time? I mean, what with all of this refugee-terror-soccer-match-cancellation-stress going on around here these days.

But as it turns out, she and her German compatriots don’t seem to be all that stressed out about those kind of things, believe it or not (believe it).

The latest stress survey indicates, for instance, that about one quarter of all Germans are primarily stressed out about the kind of stress that they put themselves under. These are Germans stressed out about being , well, German, I guess you could say. Damn. I wouldn’t want to live under that kind of stress, either.

Some 19 percent are stressed out about not having enough money.

Around 15 percent need more sleep and early retirement, I assume, because having to work for a living is a really big stress factor for them.

And 14 percent are stressed out by not having enough time to do what they want to do. You know, like being more stressed out about stuff?

The Germans remaining, I assume, were not able to adequately stress through verbal communication just how stressed out they really, truly are.

Wie die GfK in einer am Mittwoch veröffentlichten Umfrage herausgefunden hat, stellt der Druck, den man sich selbst macht, die hauptsächliche Stress-Ursache bei den Deutschen dar.

50,000 Demonstrators Expected!

October 7, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Communism, Demonstrations, Free Trade, German, Germans, Germany, Refugees, Rosa Luxemburg, Sahra Wagenknecht, Socialism, The Left Party, TTIP 1 Comment

Tens of thousands of Germans are ready to demonstrate in Berlin on October 10. Ready to demonstrate against their country being inundated by what will now be over 1.5 million refugees (this year), you ask? Nah. Langweilig (boring).

They’re foaming at the mouth about TTIP, that insidious US-Amerikanische “free trade” conspiracy that – according to leading Rosa Luxemburg lookalikes everywhere – will invariably lead to “lower standards of consumer protection, environmental protection and social standards on both sides of the Atlantic.” And it would also to more free trade, of course, which would be like the way grossest thing of all.

“I think someone wants the issue of the TTIP agreement to disappear from public view,” the politician said, referring to polls, according to which residents of those European countries where public debate on this issue is less intensive than, for example, in Germany or France, are less in favor of rejecting the contract.

Germans Outraged Over Russian Air Force Support For Assad

September 23, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Assad, Büchel, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear Bombs, Putin 2 Comments

And they’re demonstrating accordingly. No, wait. I got something mixed up here. Now I remember: They’re outraged about American plans to upgrade its nuclear presence in Germany and are demonstrating accordingly about that (the United States intends to place 20 B61-12 nuclear bombs at the Büchel Air Base later this year).

And set your watches on this one because it won’t be long before they will also be loudly supporting Putin’s “counter measures to restore the balance of power in Europe.” It’s like tradition or something.

Die Bundesregierung fordert seit langem einen Abzug der Amerikaner.

What To Do When You Get Your Next German Panic Attack

September 17, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Anxiety, Disease Mongering, Dyspnea, German, Germans, Germany, High Anxiety, Hypochondria, Panic Attacks, Tachycardia, Tinnitracks, Tinnitus 1 Comment

First of all: Don’t panic.

Then stick your fingers in your ears because you’re probably about to develop an acute case of tinnitus. Because of all off that repressed panic or something.

But don’t panic about that, either. I SAID BUT DON’T PANIC ABOUT THAT, EITHER!

Panikattacken: Einfache Ratschläge gegen Atemnot, Schwitzen und Herzrasen

Finally: An Imaginary Illness For The Rest Of Us

September 8, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria Tags: Bore-Out, Boredom, Burn-out, Disease Mongering, German, Germans, Germany, Imaginary Diseases, Retirement, Work 1 Comment

It might not be as severe as bummed-out disorder or as sexy as burn-out syndrome, but bore-out looks like the kind of imaginary disease that might just be right up my alley.

Germans just can’t wait to get it, either. Although they’ll still have to.

Whereas in US-Amerika bore-out might describe a a situation in which an employee’s zest for work has been extinguished by an unchallenging rather than an unmanageable workload, German bore-out has been specially redesigned to affect early retirees and others like them who have spent their entire working lives looking forward to doing just that (retiring early or otherwise) and are now bored to tears.

Sadly, there is no known cure for bore-out. Other than to stop being bored, of course. And to stop being boring while you’re at it.

„Täglich Zeitung lesen.“

The Problem With European Immigration Policy…

September 6, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: EU, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Immigration, Migrants, Refugees Leave a comment

Is that there is no European immigration policy.

There is a mish-mash of national policies, a patchwork of systems and criteria which are contradictory, incoherent, fragmented. Italy is very far way from Finland, not only geographically, but when it comes to immigration and asylum. France and Germany have quite different historical approaches to integrating newcomers. Sweden and Denmark are neighbours with a close shared history, but their immigration policies are chalk and cheese.

The seven countries of central Europe and the Baltic are being asked to take fewer than 30,000. It should not be a problem for big international cities such as Warsaw, Prague and Budapest. But the east Europeans are retreating into parochialism, digging into their national bunkers while nursing resentment at what they perceive to be German bullying.

Hungary’s prime minister, Viktor Orbán, is the cheerleader of the “Europe is useless” chorus, but Robert Fico, the Slovakian premier, and President Milos Zeman in Prague are not far behind. Ewa Kopacz, the prime minister of Poland, sounds more moderate, but she looks likely to lose an election next month to the nationalist right. Her hands are tied.

I wouldn’t worry about any of this, however. Think Greece: Europe always manages to get together in the end, when stalling for time is no longer possible, to not solve a problem by doing almost just enough to put it off until it does not go away by itself.

“If this is Europe, you can keep it.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hypochondria