First, Split Your Vote

September 15, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Home Cooking Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Voting Leave a comment

Then overhang it on a balance seat. That’s how Germans vote, folks. And they smirk at our electoral college? Of course we do, too when we lose. But still. No wonder they can’t vote Merkel out of office. Es ist einfach kompliziert. It’s simply complicated.

How are seats calculated in the Bundestag?

The system starts to get complicated when Germans split their votes, meaning they vote for a candidate from one party in the first vote and for a different political party in their second vote. That can throw off the balance of seats in parliament so that one party is more strongly represented than they should be based on the results of the proportionate second votes.

So Germans created “overhang” and “balance seats.” Those are extra seats in the Bundestag that ensure every candidate who was directly elected gets a seat while political parties are still proportionally represented based on the number of votes they received. A German state’s population is taken into consideration when votes are converted into seats.

After Germany’s 2013 parliamentary elections, there were 631 seats in the Bundestag, including 33 overhang and balance seats.

German Of The Day: PARTEI

September 11, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Political Parties, Satire, The Party Leave a comment

PARTEI officially stands for “Partei für Arbeit, Rechtsstaat, Tierschutz, Elitenförderung und basisdemokratische Initiative,” or “Work, Rule of Law, Animal Protection, Elite Promotion, and grass-roots democratic Initiative.”

Finally, a political party for the rest of us. I mean, you.

“If it doesn’t matter to you who sits in the Bundestag, wouldn’t it be great to be represented by someone who could care less that he does sit there?”

What I like about a satirical party like the Party is that its meaninglessness, as compared to the meaninglessness of a number of serious political parties here, has a meaning.

As for its campaign goals, Die Partei’s election manifesto is replete with meaningless political platitudes pushed to the edge of absurdity: “Die Partei supports the implementation of all-encompassing, universal, total justice, at least twice as much justice as the SPD (Social Democratic Party). Any complaints about supposed injustices will be suppressed with the utmost force.”

„Wenn es dir egal ist, wer im Bundestag sitzt, wäre es dann nicht schön von jemandem vertreten zu werden, dem es egal ist, dass er im Bundestag sitzt?“

The Anti-War Is Over (If You Want It)

September 10, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Anti-War Protests, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Ramstein 1 Comment

I certainly want it. Remember these guys? They travelled here in a DeLorean from the 1980s. A DeLorean station wagen or something.

They materialized again in front of Ramstein Air Base for an anti-war protest rally protest. US-Amerikan warmongering is warmongering again or something. I honestly had no idea. Hey, it’s election time in Germany again but I’m not sure which party is supposed to be getting the votes here. The Marxist-John-Lennonist-68-Internatinal-Front?

Zuletzt hatte die bundesweite Kampagne die Atomkrieg-Drohungen von US-Präsident Donald Trump gegen Nordkorea scharf kritisiert. Sie forderte die Bundesregierung auf, “öffentlich den USA jede Unterstützung für ihre Kriegsvorbereitung zu verweigern”.

Must Have Been The Reds

September 7, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Humor Tags: Angela Merkel, Elections, Germany, Puns, Tomatoes Leave a comment

Who threw those tomatoes at Angela Merkel, I mean.

They were probably just trying to catsup in the polls.

“Well, whoever did it,” one guy said. “I love you from my head tomatoes.”

Lettuce pray that doesn’t happen again.

German police say they’re investigating who threw two tomatoes at Chancellor Angela Merkel during an election campaign event in the southwestern city of Heidelberg. Police spokesman David Faulhaber told The Associated Press on Wednesday the tomatoes came from a group of hecklers on the sidelines. Witnesses Tuesday said they had been yelling things like “hypocrite” and “traitor to the people” in apparent criticism of Merkel’s migrant policies.

PS: What’s red and invisible? No tomatoes.

Plague Beats Cholera

September 4, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Debates, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Merkel, Schultz, TV 4 Comments

That was a debate? I’d say that’s debatable.

Aren’t these two the heads of the parties that form the current coaltion government in Germany? What on earth are two people who are condemmed to agree about everything they do going to debate about? That’s right. Nothing. And that’s what we got last night. A whole lot of it.

German of the day: Schnarch. That means snore.

The leaders of Germany’s two biggest parties went head to head on TV for the only time ahead of the September 24 vote. Merkel and Schulz sparred on topics ranging from migration to foreign policy.

Maybe The Taliban Could Run For Election Here, Too

September 3, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Horror, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, MLPD, PFLP, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

The German election system certainly is a transparent one. It is easy for anyone here who is interested to see, for instance, that Germany’s Bundeswahlleiter (Federal Election Commissioner), whoever that might be, has one hell of a sense of humor.

He/she has allowed the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), an Iran-backed terror group, to campaign as a political party in this month’s parliamentary election. The punch line, I guess, or one of them, is that the PFLP plans to run with the Marxist-Leninist Party of Germany.

No one here is interested, however. Why should they be? The PFLP is just another one of those boring, everyday German political parties that puts everybody asleep. Sure, it’s been linked to numerous terror incidents and killings and all that but it’s not like it’s the AfD or anything.

Die MLPD betreibt jetzt Wahlkampf als internationalistische Liste/MLPD, unter anderem mit der palästinensischen Terrororganisation PFLP, die durch Anschläge bekannt wurde.

Russians Hack German Vote-O-Meter In Futile “Trump For Chancellor” Bid

August 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor Tags: Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Political Parties, Voting, Wahl-O-Meter 3 Comments

Germany’s infamous Wahl-O.Meter app, a popular program that uses a series of questions to help undecided German voters (some 50 percent of the electorate) find the political party that suits them best, has been compromised by a group of mean and nasty Russian hackers, apparently in a vain attempt to get Donald Trump elected Chancellor of Germany.

Unfortunately, however, there is no such thing as a direct ballot for the office of German Chancellor so that “went into the pants” (was a complete flop), as the Germans like to say. But you can’t blame those clever Ruskies for not trying.

Since its inception 15 years ago, the Wahl-O-Mat’s main focus has been to mobilize younger voters. In fact, all 38 questions posed in the app chosen by a group of young and first-time voters. “Young people have contributed towards this product, which is aimed at furthering the political education,” Krüger said. “That is what lies at the very core.”

US-Amerika Somehow Behind AfD’s Rising Popularity

August 30, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Advertising, Advertising Companies, AfD, Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, Campaigns, Migrants, Political Parties, Refugees, Spiegel Online 3 Comments

Like duh. I suspected it all along. Who else could have possibly been behind it?

After all, as Spiegel Online reports in its inimitable fashion, the advertising company the Alternative for Germany party has now turned to “has worked with Donald Trump.” So there’s no need to read on. We don’t need to know anything more about them.

To assist in its efforts, the party has tapped Kunkel’s contacts to engage the services of advertising professionals in the United States with experience on the right-wing spectrum. The party is working together with the Texas-based agency Harris Media, which recently presented its plans to the AfD’s national committee. With its provocative and aggressive campaigns, the agency has already contributed to the success of a number of controversial politicians. In Britain, it worked with the anti-EU UKIP party; in Israel, it worked with the governing Likud party; and in the United States, news agency Bloomberg has dubbed company founder Vincent Harris “the man who invented the Republican internet.”

“Burkas? We prefer bikinis.”

Do They Have A Marxist-Leninist Animal Protection Party, Too?

August 28, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berln, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Political Parties 1 Comment

They are an endangered species, after all. Maybe not in Berlin. But everywhere else they are – aren’t they?

German political parties are not as boring as you think they are. They are much more boring than you can possibly imagine. But some of them are also just plain wacky. Wacky and boring. It’s a new level of boring. Wacky-boring, I guess. I can’t say if it’s higher or lower but it’s a new level.

Take the V-Partei³, for instance. Please. Voters almost across the board can vote for the V-Partei³ (the V-cubed party) – the party for “Veränderung” (“change” in English), Vegetarians and Vegans. Founded in 2016 at the Veggieworld trade fair in Munich, the party has about 1,200 members. By 2030, they’d like to see all butchers go out of business, true to their motto: “We love life.”

Germany’s election campaign is a snooze—just the way Merkel likes it.

Invite Unilaterally, Distribute Fairly

August 27, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Angela Merkel, Asylum Seekers, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 3 Comments

No, that is not an election campaign motto, although it sure could be. That, of course, is the well known thought process (for lack of a better term) behind Angela Merkel’s decision to open Germany’s borders to refugees back in 2015.

This thought process was not well thought out, however. To put it mildly. That Germany is located in the center of Europe and thus far away from Europe’s actual southern border, for example, a border which we have now learned does not even exist, is one itsy bitsy problem here.

Countries like Italy and Greece are completely swampted now, of course. This is because countries like Austria took care of Germany’s problem by closing their borders. Now Angela Merkel is calling once again for a fairer distribution of refugees. Like for the eighty-seventh time already. But it is not clear what she means (what part of no don’t you understand?). Does she mean Italy and Greece when she calls for EU countries to show more solidarity in taking in the refugees? Which refugees does she mean? The million or two who made it into Germany before reality made sure legality got switched back on again – or the latest batch?

Using a complex mathematical formula I have just worked out, I would say that the whole thing is an incredibly big ugly mess caused by no one other than the German chancellor and that it is up to Germany now to take care of this problem. But that’s just me. Elections are approaching in Germany and her popularity here is as high as it has ever been. And no, I don’t have a complex mathematical formula to explain that. I am not in that league.

“I would take all the important decisions of 2015 the same way again.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Helections