And Yet Another Leap Forward Already

October 11, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: China, Ecologists, Future, German, Germans, Germany, Green Shirts, Greens, Idioms, Language, Maglev Trains, Progress, Technology, Transrapid Leave a comment

Back to the past, I mean.

Step one: Develop a a maglev train technology that any ecology-minded tree hugger and profit-minded industrialist ought to have been thrilled about.

Step two: Go out of your way as ecology-minded German tree huggers to make absolutely sure that this technology is a complete failure at home.

Step three: Give up as a government years later by auctioning off the technology to the lowest bidder. Fine, to the highest bidder. But they’ll be giving it away “for an apple and an egg,” as the German idiom goes.

Jahrzehntelang stand der Transrapid für die Mobilität der Zukunft – die in Deutschland aber nie Gegenwart wurde.

Germany Leaps Forward Again

October 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Bans, CO2, Emissions, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Industry, Nuclear power 2 Comments

In the saving the world game, I mean.

And here you thought the Germans shutting down their nuclear power plants after an accident in Japan was hardcore enough (and it was). Now they’re going to outlaw internal combustion engines (albeit not until the year 2030).

Amazing Scheiße, I find. It does make me wonder what they’re going to be outlawing next, however. I would have bet on the wheel but it’ll be pretty much taken care of as soon as the internal combustion engines go so I’m now going to put my money on fire itself. Do you have any idea how much CO2 cooking your food releases into the atmosphere? Me neither, but you can be sure that it’s way too much. At least in Germany.

Being a subscriber to Mad Magazine, when I first saw the title of this article at Gizmodo recently, I assumed I’d mixed up my bookmarks and gone to the wrong site. “German Lawmakers Vote to Ban the Internal Combustion Engine.” Oh, come on, man. That can’t be right, can it? The home of some of the higher performance engines in the history of fine cars can’t seriously be talking about this, can they? Well color me embarrassed because, with a few caveats, it turned out to be true.

Germans Worried About TTIP

October 9, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Chemnitz, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Islamic Terror, Merkel, Migrants, Refugees, Syrians, TATP, Terror Leave a comment

Oops, I meant TATP, of course.

TATP stands for triacetone triperoxide and is an extremely powerful explosive substance that was found in the Chemnitz apartment of a Syrian refugee, an apartment German police raided just minutes after the suspect escaped.

This is the same stuff that was used by the suicide bombers in Paris last November. German state media is therefore going to go way out on the limb here for once and speculate that this particular refugee “might” have been involved in a so-called “terrorist” plot. Details at eleven or something.

Stunned residents reacted to the incident last night, with one neighbour slamming Albakr as an ‘a*******’ for his alleged plot – what a racist, xenophobic a******* that neighbour must be.

Die Polizei überwachte die Chemnitzer Wohnung, in der Sprengstoff gefunden wurde. Doch die Beamten konnten Jaber A. nicht stoppen, als der das Haus verließ.

Germany To Block Welfare Tourism?

October 7, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: EU, Fraud, Germany, Government Waste, Hartz IV, Welfare Leave a comment

It’s all over now, folks. What will be next? The next thing you know the Germans will be demanding that Syrian refugees from Pakistan and North Africa enter the country with actual passports.

EU citizens who move to Germany without employment are to be denied social welfare for five years, according to the Funke media group. The news chain says draft law curbing entitlements goes to cabinet next week.

And yes, one could do this – up until now, at least.

Ohne Arbeit kein Hartz IV.

This Just In: Governments Waste Money

October 6, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Spending, Taxes, Taxpayers, Waste 1 Comment

In Germany, too? You bet.

The latest “black book” has been published by the German Taxpayers Federation and here – not counting your regular, every-day kind of wasteful government spending – are just a few of the more special ways in which government tosses money out the window:

Garbage cans in the city of Leverkusen that cost 1,258 euros a shot.

A fish ladder near the town of Lauterbach that cost taxpayers 100,000 euros. The only problem is that the fish can’t reach the ladder.

Or how about a townhouse in an exclusive location in Manhattan, owned by the Federal Republic of Germany. The only problem here is that it’s been empty since 2009 and costs taxpayers over 80,000 euros a year in upkeep.

“Politik und Verwaltung gehen verschwenderisch, sorglos oder leichtsinnig mit Steuergeldern um.”

Kissing Up To Iran 101

October 4, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Business, Diplomacy, German, Germans, Germany, Iran, Israel, Sigmar Gabriel, Trade, USA Leave a comment

I find it strange how such a super-smart (self-proclaimed, but still) German politician like German economy minister Sigmar Gabriel (SPD), somebody so hot to do business with Iran that his pants are always wet, doesn’t seem to know the first thing about the finer points of diplomacy when it comes to dealing with the mullah state.

Sure, you can always get plus points by promising the Iranians to “remind the United States of the commitment to get to an effective dismantling of sanctions,” but every third grader knows that you can’t give interviews before your visit in which you say that you believe Tehran should recognize the right of Israel to exist. Pretty outrageous Scheiße, huh?

So that is why he is now getting snuffed big time during his current visit. There will be no meeting with Iran’s President Ruhani nor with foreign minister Sarif. The visit planned with parliament president Laridschani has now suddenly been cancelled, Laridschani’s brother commenting to the press “If I had been in the place of the government or foreign office I would never have allowed such a person to enter the country in the first place.”

Other than that, though, German business prospects with Iran are looking really promising.

“Ein normales, freundschaftliches Verhältnis zu Deutschland wird erst dann möglich sein.”

German Of The Day: Spießrutenlauf

October 3, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hate, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Demonstrations, Dresden, Gauck, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Merkel, Migrants, Protest, Refugees, Reunification Leave a comment

That means running the gauntlet. You know, like the kind Angela Merkel and other politicians had to run through today during the German Reunification Day celebrations in Dresden?

Several hundred angry protesters confronted German Chancellor Angela Merkel outside Dresden‘s majestic Frauenkirche church on Monday morning, bringing Europe’s most powerful leader face-to-face with criticism of her migration policies on the 26th anniversary of German reunification.

Merkel arrived in Dresden to celebrate German Unity Day, the national holiday that marks the official reunification in 1990 of West Germany and former communist East Germany following the fall of the Berlin Wall.

But the chancellor was met with blaring whistles and hundreds of angry protesters chanting “Traitor of the people!” and “Merkel must go!” as she entered the church, which was surrounded by hundreds of protesters behind metal barricades that were lined with police officers.

Auch wenn viele Menschen friedlich feiern konnten, die rund 2600 Sicherheitskräfte die Situation bislang unter Kontrolle behielten: Stellenweise ging es gar nicht gut.

German Government Fears Trump Would Ravage American Economy

October 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Banks, Debts, Deutsche Bank, Economy, Enigma, German, Germans, Germany, Trump Leave a comment

But I happen to have access to a German code breaking machine here called the Enigma-Not and it tells me that what this actually means is that the German Government fears Trump would ravage the German economy.

When I ran “shrinking gross domestic product, fewer jobs and higher unemployment in the United States” through the Enigma-Not, for instance, it gave me “NATO countries like Germany, Trump has said, have to pay more of the costs for their own security in the future. Otherwise, the US would withdraw its troops.”

Meanwhile… Trump’s biggest lender is Deutsche Bank. He owes about $300 million to the bank, nearly half of his outstanding debt.

Berlin: The Future Is Ours

September 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Cities, German, Germans, Germany, Rankings Leave a comment

It has to be because the present is kind of, you know, sucky? And we don’t even want to talk about the past.

Berlin may have moved ahead a bit in the current ranking of German cities the magazine Wirtschafswoche and the real estate site Immobilienscout 24 put out (it moved up to place 39) but, alas, when it comes to economic power, jobs, real estate and quality of life, its still got a long way to go before it catches up to the winner, The City Whose Name Cannot Be Spoken (Munich).

Die Hauptstadt landet im Städteranking der Wirtschaftswoche und des Immobilien-Portals Immobilienscout 24 wie im Vorjahr auf Platz neun von 69 Großstädten, wenn die Dynamik am Standort gemessen wird. Wird das erreichte Niveau angegeben, kommt Berlin auf Rang 39 und hat sich somit um vier Plätze verbessert.

German Of The Day: Albtraum

September 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Banks, Debt, Deutsche Bank, Finances, Fines, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Lending Leave a comment

That means nightmare. You know, like Nightmare on Elm Street? Or Nightmare at Deutsche Bank?

Read my lips, the usual suspects are saying: Everything is fine, the German government is not preparing a bailout, there have been no secret talks with the chancellor and there is nothing here that needs to be rescued in the first place. Now say that ten times really fast.

The German government denied it was working on a rescue of Deutsche Bank as Germany’s biggest lender boosted its balance sheet by selling its British insurance business on Wednesday.

Deutsche is facing a $14 billion fine from the Department of Justice, and concerns over its funding pushed its shares to a record low on Tuesday and heightened concerns about the health of the financial sector in Europe’s largest economy.

“Die Situation des Konzerns ist viel besser, als sie von außen wahrgenommen wird.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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