Whereas the number of working Germans who put in a 48-hour workweek back in 1995 was 1.3 million, some 1.7 48-hour workweek Germans are needed today to get the same amount of work done. Or so I assume…
Was für Luschen. What a bunch of duds.
Während 1995 etwa sechs Millionen Beschäftigte regelmäßig am Samstag oder Sonntag gearbeitet haben, waren es im vergangenen Jahr bereits 8,8 Millionen und damit jeder vierte Beschäftigte.
Attempting to calm current fears that Germany could possibly turn into France, Mexico or even Lithuania, German Líder Máximo Angela Merkel herself has assured her nervous countrymen that this will most definitely not be happening.
Not any time soon, at least. “It is not being actively pursued at the moment,” she elucidated.
These irrational fears came about after the population discovered well over a million foreign residents living next door to them who seem to have suddenly materialized out of nowhere, fueling speculation by some that they could be from one of those three countries. “They don’t speak French very well, though,” said one member of the population when asked. “And nobody is wearing a sombrero. I’ve never been to Lithuania myself so maybe they’re like from there or something.”
“Change is not a bad thing — it is a necessary part of life,”
The German army is shrinking fast. After a recent purge of right-wing extremists, left-wing extremists and now Islamists, the number of able combat soldiers the Bundeswehr keeps on hand to never actually use has dropped to a dangerously low level indeed. Below is a picture of the entire remaining German army in non-action.
“This has gone far enough already,” said one disgruntled spokesman for the pitifully anemic somewhat military-like force. “If they ever make us kick out the common criminals and other unsavory types we won’t have anyone left to not go to war with at all.”
More than 60 Islamists are suspected of sneaking into the ranks of the Germany army to undergo military training and carry out attacks in the country, it has been reported.
An ex-Miss Germany friend of an el wacko former Mister Germany (who denies the existence of the Federal Republic of Germany) has confirmed that he was shot while being evicted from his home (a little place he calls “Primeval Nation”) during a police action in a town that goes by the name of Zeitz.
Adrian Ursache apparently had started a group of so-called “Reichsbürger”, or citizens of the Reich, who do not recognize the current government of the Federal Republic of Germany and therefore do not believe they should pay taxes or fines.
Up until the cops came to evict him Ursache apparently also refused to recognize the existence of German police weapons, too.
“Adrian war ehrlicherweise immer schon ein bisschen durchgeknallt*, aber dass es so eskaliert, macht uns sprachlos.”
* German of the day: Durchgeknallt. That means cuckoo.
When it comes to Olympic soccer gold, I mean.
Neymar scored the deciding spot kick in a riveting penalty shootout to give Brazil its first Olympic championship in men’s soccer at the Rio Games on Saturday. The host nation won the shootout 5-4 after goalkeeper Weverton blocked Nils Petersen’s fifth-round penalty to keep it at 4-4.
After being harassed at a swimming pool in a place called Bad Saarow in Brandenburg. All bads sarrow* on whether she’ll be getting legal satisfaction or not. And no, it wasn’t an itsy bitsy teenie weenie burkini kind of burkini she was wearing. That’s the whole problem, I guess.
And speaking of teenies (just barely)… Are the hundreds (thousands?) of child brides in Germany going to sue next? To not have to be forced to go through with these ordeals, I mean? Stupid question. They’re way too young to be allowed to do that.
An anonymous teacher told newspaper Welt am Sonntag that young girls often suddenly stop showing up to school after getting married.
In Deutschland verschwinden immer öfter Mädchen aus der Schule, weil sie verheiratet wurden. Der Kinderschutzbund fordert, das Ehealter grundsätzlich auf 18 Jahre festzulegen – ohne Ausnahmen.
* Bets are off. Get it?
I mean like that spy kind of intelligence intelligence, you know what I mean?
A top official at Bavaria’s department of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution has gone way out on a limb and said that ISIS sleepers “may have arrived as refugees” in Germany. “We have irrefutable evidence that there is an ISIS command structure that makes an attack in Germany highly possible.”
He also said in a later comment that “The risk is abstract, but very high that the Pope is a Catholic.”
“Das Risiko ist zwar abstrakt, aber sehr hoch. Wir müssen akzeptieren, dass wir Hit-Teams und Schläferzellen auch hier in Deutschland haben.”
The times they are a changin’ in Berlin.
“Residents on Soldiner Straße in Gesundbrunnen (Wedding) called the cops on Monday night because children were playing inside a car and had started up the motor repeatedly. A crowd of some 70 people formed around the officers and began behaving aggressively, threatening them. In the early afternoon two days later, also in Gesundbrunnen, a 23-year-old man began interfering with officers who were investigating an infringement. The conflict got physical and one officer was injured. During the arrest, some 30 people began protesting loudly against the police action.”
Nobody is allowed to mention in this article just who these people are, but I’ll give you a hint: They’re not Germans.
Are we having a no-go area yet? I think these folks need more therapy or something.
Erst vor kurzem bedrohte und bedrängte ein aufgebrachter Mob Berliner Polizisten im Wedding. Nun haben sich in demselben Problembezirk abermals Dutzende Menschen der Polizei in den Weg gestellt.
Those were the days. Berlin used to be just (arm aber sexy) poor but sexy.
Now Berlin is poor but sexy, but poor. At least when it comes to trying to earn a living here.
The German capital pulls down the per capita income for the entire country. According to Eurostat (the European statistics office), Germany’s gross national product (with an emphasis on gross) would climb 0.2 percent if they could just find a way to factor out losers like us here in Berlin.
Poor? Yo capital is so poor it can’t afford to pay attention.
Die Hauptstadt drückt auf das Pro-Kopf-Einkommen der gesamten Bundesrepublik: Das Bruttoinlandsprodukt je Einwohner würde um 0,2 Prozent steigen, wenn man Berlin und seine Einwohner ausklammert, wie das Institut der deutschen Wirtschaft (IW) auf Basis von Daten des Europäischen Statistikamtes Eurostat errechnete.
To get the ISIS-ones-now-operating-in-Germany kind, I mean.
The two refugees who launched terror attacks in Germany last month were in contact with suspected members of the militant group Isis, including one with a Saudi phone number, according to reports in the German media on Saturday.
Records of internet communication now in the hands of German investigators show both men, the Afghan teenager Riaz Khan Ahmadzai, and Mohammed Daleel, a 27-year-old Syrian, were advised and directed by Isis, which provided tips on ensuring the maximum number of casualties.
“This area will be full of people. Kill them all.”
Attentäter sollen Anweisungen per Handy erhalten haben.
