Poll: Four In Five Germans Have No Problem With Germany Being World’s Third Largest Arms Exporter

May 20, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Arms exports, Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, Military Exports, Pacifism, Polls, Profit, Putin, Responsibility, Russia, Ukraine 1 Comment

No, wait. That was four in five Germans would like to see their armed forces take part in fewer military missions abroad. But still.

Damn. And almost two-thirds think Germany should show caution on foreign affairs. Even more caution than they are already being so overly cautious about already, I mean. Well the Germans certainly have been reckless these past few years, haven’t they?

Calls from abroad for greater German participation showed the respect Germany had won, but could also put Germany under too much pressure.

PS: Speaking of pressure, according to former German Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer himself, “Russia is striving a major power role. That must not and will not be accepted by Europe.”

Die russische Strategie, verloren gegangenes Territorium zurück zu holen, könne man nur mit Entschlossenheit und Härte begegnen, nicht mit Verständnis. „Ein starkes Europa ist Voraussetzung für Sicherheit“, sagte der Ex-Außenminister.

German Word Of The Day: Bluff

May 15, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Crimea, EU, German, Germans, Germany, Godzilla, Humor, Leadership, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Satire, Ukraine Leave a comment

In German, “Bluff” means to mislead by a display of strength or self-confidence when in fact their is no strength or self-confidence there. To display, I mean.

But there’s one problem with this weapon (real sanctions): It can only be used if all EU members agree. In the EU, sanctions need to be decided unanimously. This worked for levels one and two, because they were primarily symbolic acts that affected people close to Putin and imposed no real burden on the EU. But level three would be different, making it unlikely that the EU would agree on sanctions that would have a strong effect on Russia. Europe’s strongest weapon is actually a bluff.

“Clearly there will be economic sanctions if Putin sabotages the vote, but it’s unclear what would constitute sabotage.”

PS: Personally, I think there is only one person on Earth who could possibly stand up to this Putin person. And he’s not even a person himself

Germans Already Lining Up To Be Forgotten By Google

May 13, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, Europe, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Law, Paranoia, Privacy, Satire, Search Engines Leave a comment

Europe’s top court ruling that Google and other Internet companies can now be made to remove “irrelevant or excessive personal information” from search engine results has triggered a virtual stampede of excited Germans demanding that their irrelevant and excessive personal information be removed from the Internet immediately.

“Irrelevant and excessive personal information is the only kind of information I produce,” said one soon-to-be-forgotten Google skeptic. “Or consist of, if you will. So you can bet that I just can’t wait to be wiped out of virtual existence for good!”

“The ruling will help certain people hide their past, making it difficult to access certain information, but not when it concerns public figures, or people in whom there is a genuine public interest. This will result in added costs for Internet search providers who will have to add to their take-down policies the means for removing links to an individual’s data, and develop criteria for distinguishing public figures from private individuals.”

American Internet Security Expert David Hasselhoff Speaks at Berlin’s re:publica

May 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hypochondria Tags: Berlin, David Hasselhoff, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Internet Security, re:publica, Satire Leave a comment

And honestly, folks. What would a digital natives summit to tackle surveillance be without him?

He’s been looking for digital freedom or something. And damned if he didn’t find it. Here of all places. Hey, just because you can’t read or carry a note doesn’t mean you can’t keynote.

Der Saal ist gut gefüllt, voll ist er nicht.

That Guy Down There Works For The Telekom

May 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Big Brother, Eavesdropping, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Government, Humor, NSA, Satire, Spying, Telekom, Wiretapping Leave a comment

And it looks to me like they’re trying to save on energy these days or something.

Hey, who needs the NSA when you’ve got the Telekom right here at home in your own backyard in Germany? Doing the wiretapping, I mean.

Hello? Hello out there! Where’s all the excitement about this? The Telekom just got a little more transparent and admitted that it taps 50,000 phone connections a year. It hands out information on a million IP addresses annually, too. No, not to the NSA. To certain German “state agencies” that wish to remain unnamed.

Well there is a big difference here, you know. The difference being, of course, that the Telekom “sticks to the rules” and no one here has any reason to doubt them because the Telekom would not lie to us, I mean you, and besides, Germans snooping on Germans in a country like Germany when not following the rules precisely and to the letter is absolutely unimaginable and thoroughly ausgeschlossen (impossible). Here, I mean.

Die Telekom ist verpflichtet, in bestimmten Fällen mit Behörden zusammenzuarbeiten. Wie viele Anfragen es jährlich gibt, erstaunt dann doch. Neben tausenden überwachten Telefonanschlüssen gibt die Telekom Daten zu fast einer Million IP-Adressen preis.

German Spy Etiquiette Initiative Fails For Now

May 4, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Merkel, NSA, Obama, Spying 1 Comment

But will most likely be introduced again at a much later date once hell freezes over.

The United States and Germany had been negotiating over mutual rules for intelligence-gathering aimed at each other, but there still appears to be “some gaps that need to be worked through.”

It seems Angie Merkel suddenly had more important things to say than talk about the NSA during her latest stay in the USA. Hey, that rhymes.

“We do not have a blanket no-spy agreement with any country.”

I’m The Stress

May 2, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Disease Mongering, Fake Illnesses, Frank Zappa, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, I'm The Slime, Satire, Science, Stress Leave a comment

Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig have just found out that stress is not only stressful, it is even contagious.

But it doesn’t stop there, folks. It is so contagious that you can even get it just by watching German TV.

And this is supposed to be news? I’ve known about this for years. The German TV part, I mean.

“I am gross and perverted. I’m obsessed and deranged. I have existed for years, but very little has changed. I’m the tool of the government and industry too, for I am destined to rule and regulate you. I may be vile and pernicious, but you can’t look away. I make you think I’m delicious, with the stuff that I say. I’m the best you can get. Have you guessed me yet? I’m the stress oozing out from your TV set.”

Wer den Fernseher einschaltet, um abzuschalten, sollte das mit Bedacht tun.

Google Street View Time Travel To Offer Germans Blurred Out Views Of The Past

April 24, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Data Security, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Paranoia, Privacy, Satire, Street-View, Time Travel Leave a comment

Google Maps Street View has released a revolutionary new “time travel” feature that will allow, among other things, German users the novel opportunity to “go back in time” and see how the blurred out images of their homes in the past compare to the blurred out images of their homes in the present.

Google spokesmen regret that time travel to blurred out images of homes in the future is not yet available but will certainly be introduced as soon as googly possible.

Aus Datenschutzgründen ist die neue Funktion in Deutschland nicht abrufbar.

Unbearable, Insupportable, Unendurable, Etc.

April 8, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Burnout, Disease Mongering, German, Germans, Germany, Scams, Teachers, Teaching, Working Leave a comment

The latest study only confirms what many of us have suspected all along: Very, very, very many of those hard-working, dedicated and self-sacrificing German teachers everywhere out there (German teachers, not teachers of German) just can’t take it anymore.

Thirty percent (30) suffer from “burnout” and exhaustion and, although certainly none of them would want to openly suggest such a shameful thing, it is obvious to most of those many of us that they may all have to seriously consider going on early retirement. Earlier than the normal early retirement German teachers usually go on, I mean. Early early retirement, so-to-speak.

By the way… Burnout is not a recognized disorder in the DSM although it is recognized in the ICD-10[2] and specified as a “State of vital exhaustion” (Z73.0) under “Problems related to life-management difficulty” (Z73), but not considered a “disorder.”

30 Prozent der Lehrer und Erzieher leiden unter Burn-out und Erschöpfung, die Zahl der Krankheitstage hat sich verdoppelt.

Even The Germans Are Figuring Out That ADHD Is A Hoax

April 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: ADHD, Disease Mongering, Doctors, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Medication, Ritalin Leave a comment

The use of Ritalin for ADHD (ADHS in German) in Germany is now sinking for the first time in 20 years. And this despite the fact that more and more adults are now using it.

German families and even German doctors themselves are now coming to the shocking conclusion that not every German child with the fictitious disease needs to be prescribed a real medicine for it. So like, what do they do now? And how are they going to break it to the kids?

Some sociologists consider ADHD to be an example of the medicalization of deviant behavior, or in other words, the turning of the previously non medical issue of school performance into a medical one.

“ADHD is a prime example of a fictitious disease.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hypochondria