Rich Germans Actually The Euro Zone Po Folks

April 9, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Bailouts, Berlin, Cyprus, Economy, EU, Euro Crisis, Euro Zone, European Union, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, Savings, Wealth 2 Comments

As recently reported, rich Germans have suddenly and inexplicably become the poor men of Europe, relatively speaking.

According to the latest ECB Vermögensstudie (wealth study), the Cypriots, of all people, are among the richest citizens in the euro zone. Germans, on the other hand, have come in at last place.

Wait a second. Wasn’t there something recently about Cyprus striking a 10-billion euro bailout deal with the European Union? I must have got that wrong (or the Cypriots certainly got that right).

Ausgerechnet die Zyprer gehören zu den reichsten Bürgern der Euro-Zone, Deutschland steht am Ende der Rangliste.

This Gives Russian Bare A Whole New Meaning

April 8, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Hotness, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Femen, German, Germans, Germany, Hannover, Merkel, Protest, Putin, Topless Women, Trade Fairs 1 Comment

Vorsicht! They might be carrying concealed weapons!

You know, like packing them?

The Russian leader added that the protesters were pretty girls and said he couldn’t hear what they were screaming.

Berlin Brandenburg Airport Finished After All

April 7, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Airports, Berlin, Berlin Brandenburg International, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, LEGO, Politicians, Politics, Project Management, Satire, SPD, Willy Brandt International Airport Leave a comment

And in a record time of six months, too!

Now located at the city’s LEGOLAND Discovery Center, Berlin’s stunning new Willy Brandt International Airport is said to be made up of some 100,000 bricks.

Critics say that that the difficulties with handling today’s complex technology have been compounded by hasty, negligent work due to the intense time pressures. Underlying these problems appears to be a culture of political dishonesty. “Many politicians want prestigious large-scale projects to be inseparably connected with their names.”

Katja R.

April 6, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Katja Riemann Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Rookie Dictator Just Can’t Get Anybody To Take Him Seriously

April 5, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Health, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Communism, Dictatorships, Diplomacy, Humor, Implosion, Kim Jong Un, North Korea, Nuclear weapons, Satire, Totalitarianism, War 2 Comments

In the latest feeble attempt to get the entire world to cower in fear before him, AZUBI (apprentice) communist dictator Kim Jong Un has now warned the German embassy in Pyongyang (and other foreign embassies as well) to consider evacuating their employees ASAP.

North Korea will not be able to guarantee their safety in the event of the imminent conflict and subsequent Weltuntergang (Armageddon) which is about to take place honest I swear it is, he said.

And if these employees of yours are not evacuated real soon like, Kim Jong Un then went on to say, he may then have to seriously consider airing a live worldwide television broadcast (OK, YouTube) in which he will hold his breath until his face turns blue. No, he means red.

Nordkorea, das wegen seines Atomwaffenprogramms international isoliert ist, reiht seit Wochen militärische Drohungen insbesondere gegen die USA und Südkorea aneinander. Am Donnerstag hatte der Generalstab der nordkoreanischen Volksarmee mitgeteilt, ein Atomangriff auf die USA sei nun “offiziell genehmigt.”

Tanks For The Memories

April 4, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, History Tags: Abrams Tanks, Allied Forces, Berlin, Cold War, German, Germans, Germany, Military, Tanks, US Army, World War II 3 Comments

Or if you combat ’em, join ’em?

The U.S. Army’s 69-year history of basing main battle tanks on German soil quietly ended last month when 22 Abrams tanks, a main feature of armored combat units throughout the Cold War, embarked for the U.S.

“There is no [U.S.] tank on German soil.”

Every German Drinks 137 Liters Of Alcohol And Smokes 1008 Cigarettes

April 3, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Addiction, Alcohol, Berlin, Cigarettes, Crystal Meth, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Health 1 Comment

Not all at once, however. They mean on average.

But don’t be alarmed. These numbers are bound to drop soon because crystal meth is getting more and more popular here all the time, too.

Der Stoff macht aggressiv, fördert die Gewaltbereitschaft, kann zu Wahnvorstellung führen und endet mitunter im Suizid. Vor allem macht die Droge sehr schnell psychisch abhängig.

Justin Bieber Must Be Retrieved From Germany Within Four Weeks Or Else

April 2, 2013 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Hamburg, Humor, Justin Bieber, Pets, Saitre Leave a comment

Or was it his pet monkey? I forget.

German media report that several zoos have offered to give the Canadian singer a home if he isn’t reclaimed in time.

Berlin Far-Left Left Party Partiers Believe American Fashion Doll Wrong Role Model For German Girls

April 1, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Barbie, Berlin, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Political Parties, Protest, Role Models, Toys Leave a comment

“The Barbie Dreamhouse is the expression of a conventional role model that isn’t OK.”

Barbie is a fashion doll manufactured by the American toy-company Mattel, Inc. and launched in March 1959. American businesswoman Ruth Handler is credited with the creation of the doll using a German doll called Bild Lilli as her inspiration.

Literally Hundreds March For Peace Again In Germany This Easter

March 31, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Demonstrations, Easter, Easter Marches, Egotism, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Military, Peace, Satire, Self-centeredness, The Peace Movement, War, Weapons Exports Leave a comment

Literally hundreds of German peace activists spent several hours this weekend in numerous German cities protesting against one or two (or even three) important peace-related issues like…

1) German “killer drones” that don’t exist,
2) Bundeswehr recruitment at German schools and
3) Countries like Mali and Syria that should stop being so warlike already (although everybody knows that Germany will NEVER EVER be involved there militarily in any meaningful way EVER) and just go away and leave us, as in them, alone.

Es ist an der Zeit: Sagt Nein!

Die westdeutsche Friedensbewegung hat ihre Wurzeln im Protest gegen das atomare Wettrüsten während des Kalten Krieges. 1983 erlebte sie ihren Höhepunkt mit Hunderttausenden Demonstranten in Bonn, die gegen die Stationierung von amerikanischen Atomraketen protestierten.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”