The Next Giant Leap For Womankind

Peeing standing up. And people like you said it couldn’t be done.

Urinals

The future will be taking place right here in Berlin, too. If Berlin’s breathtakingly progressive left-wing coalition government can succeed in pushing their zukunfstweisend (forward-thinking, groundbreaking) “toilet concept” through, that is.

It’s a common problem when you’re out and about. Nature calls – but the queue for the ladies is bladder-testingly slow to advance. Meanwhile your male companion waltzes in and out with what often feels like unfair speed. Now, the Berlin city authorities plan to address the issue of gender equality in public toilets, as they seek to redevelop the city’s conveniences. All locations that currently have a male-only “pissoir” (public urinal facility) should only exist in combination with unisex toilets, a 99-page city strategy paper called “the toilet concept” concludes.

Today the urinals, tomorrow the, I dunno, jock straps. Womankind marches on.

Hat das rot-grüne Berlin keine anderen Probleme?

Don’t Mind The Mind Police

You don’t have to. They’re minding you. Before you even noticed that you minded, too. But once you do start minding, remember to remind yourself that they are only minding you for your own good. So never mind.

Sexism

Progress at last, I must say. Berlin’s Left party has taken another step forward into the past by banning what they have deemed to be sexist advertising with of half-naked women on city billboards. I couldn’t agree more. I want them all naked. Completely naked. Now.

That image above would also fall under that sexism category, by the way. Like I said, never mind.

“You don’t have to hide your pugs.”

First We Take Leipzig, Then We Take Berlin

That didn’t take long. After planning to introduce “Herr Professorin” or Mr. Madame Professor at the University of Leipzig for both men and women professors, the FU Berlin is now thinking about doing the same.

Professorin

Did Delta House dump some LSD in the faculty water cooler over here or something?

“All are equal in Leipzig. All women, that is.”

In Leipzig sind jetzt alle gleich, nämlich Frauen. Professoren gibt’s nicht mehr, nur noch Professorinnen, gemeint bleiben damit natürlich auch noch die männlichen Akademiker, die jedoch nur noch in einer Fußnote erwähnt werden.

Emasculation 101

If you have your doubts and worries about where your language is going in matters of political correctness, just be glad that you don’t speak German.

Professorin

Squirming as everyone does these days to find a way to neuter anything and everything that can be neutered because, well, I’m still not quite sure why that is… The University of Leipzig has now made a very important contribution to this valiant endeavor, I think.

In German, calling a man a Professor and a woman a Professorin simply isn’t as geschlechtsneutral (gender-free) as it needs to be in this complex time we live in, it seems. That’s why the head smart folks what’s in charge of proper correct-type language usage here have decided to simply matters drastically. From now on Leipzig professors of either sex will be referred to as “Herr Professorin” or Mr. Madame Professor.

I know, I know. You think that I’m pulling your leg and that this is some kind of a prank or a punk or whatever it is they call it these days, but it isn’t. Honest. It’s here. We’ve come a way long way baby. And this is where we are now.

Mit “Professorin” können somit künftig auch Männer gemeint sein, “Dozentinnen” umfasst sowohl männliche als weibliche Personen.

Barbie Must Die

And the “Barbie Dreamhouse Experience” must be wiped from our collective memory. And said dreamhouse must be razed to the ground, too. This is because Barbie is a clear and present danger and a real threat. At least here in Berlin it is.

Barbie

And as far as I can tell, these are the German feministic reasons for this:

Everything is pink. Barbie and her Dreamhouse are a “pink-colored, sparkling world of beautiful illusion.”

There is an “endless” closet, cupcake baking kitchen, fashion runway and pop-star karaoke stage” inside (OK, I’m with them when it comes to this part).

The Dreamhouse gives “children the chance to taste the sweet nectar of life as a doll” and the protestors don’t like “pretty propaganda” like this.

They find it unfair that “not many women have the possibility of creating such a life for themselves.”

They think that Barbie is a role model that makes young girls want to “always look good, and to cook and clean.”

Barbie and her Dreamhouse “lead to eating disorders,” too.

And on and on and on. The head feminist, Michael Koschitzki, a member of the far-left Left Party’s youth organization, has spearheaded the protest movement against the Dreamhouse, printing thousands of flyers and calling on fellow feminists to gather outside for speeches and protest outside the temporary attraction on Thursday.

I’m speechless, almost. And I’m not making any of this stuff up, either. And these aren’t little girls cranking out this nonsense. These are real live feminist grownup human beings openly calling to picket a Barbie house, albeit a “Barbie Dreamhouse Experience” kind of house, but still. And the worst part of all this? The Barbie Dreamhouse Experience will be charging adults €15 just to get in.

“Barbie has again become a tool for some to advance their own agenda.”

Angry Radical Femen Women Showing Their Feminist Thingies All Over The Place These Days

Even in Berlin, of all places. And I, for one, find it shocking and disgraceful.

Femen

But on the other hand… If this is the only way to unite young women in their striving for the democratic principles of social awareness, political activism and social development, who am I to stand in their way?

„Wir als Frauen erobern die Hoheit über unsere Körper zurück und setzen sie für politische Ziele ein.“

Can We Have Them Back On International Men’s Day?

Oh yeah, I forgot. There’s no such thing as International Men’s Day.

So much for tradition. The emasculated male staff at Germany’s Bild newspaper not only gave the women employees the day off on International Women’s Day this Thursday, they must have had too much to drink afterwards, too, because later that day the crazy bastards announced that the paper would be removing its trademark pictures of topless women from the front page.

How sweet or something. Sickening sweet. Now 28 years and 5000 topless women later we, I mean you, will be forced to turn to page three if you want to see them again (and we all know who they are). I feel so disgusted. And degraded.

So this is like progress marching on?

“I’m pleased that the pictures have finally disappeared from the front of the paper but the question is how long it will stay away. It was very degrading but we will have to wait and see whether this is permanent,” said Monika Lazar, women’s spokeswoman for the Green party.

Degrading, lady? Hell yeah, it’s degrading. Why degrade these women by putting them on page three?