One For All And All For One

Or twenty-six to one, if you prefer.

Deutschland

Figures released Tuesday by the EU statistics office, Eurostat, show that around 420,000 asylum requests were processed in Germany in the first nine months of 2016 – more than in all other 27 EU countries combined.

Those are just the ones that have been processed, by the way. They’re kind of behind at the moment for some reason.

And always remember the essence of German policy-making: The last thing that Germany ever wants to do at any time ever like as in absolutely never is to go a Sonderweg (separate path).

In Deutschland sind in den ersten drei Quartalen 2016 einem Bericht zufolge mehr Asylanträge gestellt und bearbeitet worden als in den übrigen 27 EU-Staaten zusammen.

German Of The Day: Nafris

That’s short for North African men.

Nafris

And the police in Cologne “did good” on New Year’s Eve by aggressively questioning, detaining and expelling the roughly thousand (1000) North African men who came to Cologne’s central station to try to raise hell with German women again, just like they had done the previous year (Why are these multiple offenders still in Germany, you ask? Practically everybody else in Germany is asking themselves that same question these days, too.).

But the police in Cologne “did bad” by using the word Nafris, German Green women tell us. Because, well, that’s short for North African men.

Get it? Me, neither.

Am HBF werden derzeit mehrere Hundert Nafris überprüft. Infos folgen.

Whose Fingers Are These?

Happy New Year already.

Fingers

Police in Leipzig found two fingers somebody had blown off last night that nobody had claimed yet so they called Sherlock Holmes for help, I assume. He must have suggested that they call the emergency medical service number because when they did they were able to locate a patient matching the description perfectly. Missing two fingers, that is.

Somebody in Duisburg blew off three fingers. I haven’t got the missing finger count here in Berlin yet but there were fourteen serious incidents so I’m betting on a least a dozen. The main thing is that everybody has a good time, I say.

Alkohol und Schwarzpulver – eine fatale Mischung für einen Mann, der am Hauptbahnhof gefeiert hatte.

German Of The Day: Böller, Pfannkuchen, Pfefferspray

Silvester (New Year’s Eve) preparations are in full swing here in Germany, folks. So for any of you who might be enjoying the New Year’s Eve celebrations here tomorrow please keep these German words in mind.

Mace

Böller are firecrackers, usually big honking firecrackers, that Germans love blowing up for hours and hours and hours and hours on end, preferably blowing off a finger or two in the process. This is an ancient Germanic tradition that goes back to the Roman era. In Germania, Tacitus tells us, the Germanen often flipped off Roman soldiers during New Year’s Eve celebrations but, being drunk, were easily captured and then got their Stinkefinger cut off as punishment. After the Romans left new ways of removing fingers had to be developed.

Pfannkuchen or Berliner Pfannkuchen or just Berliner are pancakes, eaten in massive amounts around midnight. This tradition goes back to the 1950s when a Berlin housewife messed up an American doughnut recipe by forgetting to add the hole and putting way too much jam filling inside instead.

Pfefferspray is pepper spray or mace and is a new tradition that began shortly after last year’s Silvester celebrations, introduced in Cologne by another Kulturkreis (cultural circle), origins unknown.

In Sicherheit feiern – Mit Pfefferspray durch die Silvesternacht?

Misleading AND Unsettling

That’s what German agriculture minister Christian Schmidt thinks about food names like “vegetarian schnitzel” and “vegan curry sausage.” He even thinks that names like these should be banned because they mislead and unsettle the public.

Wurst

And I almost agree – those two names unsettle me, for one. Only what do you do about all those other weird traditional German food names out there already? You know, like Leberkäse (liver cheese – neither liver nor cheese inside), Teewurst (tea sausage – no tea), Bierschinken (beer ham – no beer), Baumkuchen (tree cake – no tree), Armer Ritter (poor knight – no knight, poor or otherwise) and Amerikaner (there sure the hell better not be any Americans in there!)? I mean, how misleading and unsettling is that? Let’s cut our loses and call the whole thing off, Herr Minister Schmidt.

Niemand dürfe „bei diesen Pseudo-Fleischgerichten so tun, als ob es Fleisch wäre“, forderte Schmidt.

Next Delay For Berlin Airport Opening Postponed Until 2018

German newspapers are reporting that the latest delay announcement expected for the opening of Berlin’s troubled old new airport will now push the currently planned postponement back until the spring of 2018.

Airport

Disappointed Berliners had been hoping that the next delay announcement could have come as late as the spring of 2017 but this will now have to be moved forward as a new round of cost overruns and construction errors have caused yet another delay for that next planned delay.

Rumor has it that the Berlin Brandenburg Klaus Wowereit International Airport had originally been set to open in 2011 but no one can be located who can verify this with any certainty anymore.

The official announcement for the delay of the delay has been postponed until next year.

“Mir ist keine Entscheidung zwischen Weihnachten und Neujahr bekannt.”

Is There A Pattern Developing Here?

A group of six men, suspected of trying to set a homeless man on fire in a Berlin subway on Christmas Eve have turned themselves in to police. A seventh man, believed to be the main perpetrator, has been arrested.

U-Bahn

What the Deutsche Welle refuses to tell you here, however, is that six of these men were from Syria and the seventh from Libya, most of them already “polizeilich bekannt” (known to the police). Here illegally (they won’t have any passports, either), known to the police and out and about to participate in lively cultural exchange activities? Didn’t we just have something like that in Berlin recently?

Wie die B.Z. weiter erfuhr, soll es sich bei sechs Verdächtigen um Syrer handeln. Ein weiterer Mann soll aus Libyen stammen.

German Communities To Expand Use Of So-Called “Cameras”

Apparently as a reaction to the latest outcry for better public TV programing, many German municipalities are now suddenly calling for the more wide-spread installation of so-called closed-circuit television “cameras” to offer their captive audiences a more interactive and rewarding viewing experience.

Cameras

They are also calling for a more realistic reevaluation and better treatment methods for the German obsessive-compulsive disorder commonly referred to as “Datenschutz” here, although what that has to do with better public television programming remains unclear to the author as of this writing.

“Derzeit wird in Deutschland vieles, was möglich wäre, mit Hinweis auf den Datenschutz verhindert.”

Everything Under Control

My. This certainly inspires confidence, doesn’t it?

Terror

The guy German authorities are now looking for came to the country illegally (no passport). He had served four years in an Italian prison before that for burning down a school. He was wanted in Tunisia for other crimes. He has been committing other crimes since he arrived here in Germany but there have been no consequences. He was under surveillance for six months here because authorities feared he had become radicalized and may have been planning an attack but then they stopped the surveillance once they couldn’t get the specifics they needed to arrest him. He was due to be deported after the authorities finally got around to turning down his asylum application but they couldn’t send him back to Tunisia because he doesn’t have a passport, remember (Tunisia suddenly sent one for him, by the way – after the attack took place)? And then they lost track of him. And the only reason they even know who this guy is is because he was nice enough to leave an identification document and his fingerprints in the murder weapon truck he drove.

Well, at least they saved tons of time here in the chase by having so much information on film, right?

But other than that, the German government assures everyone that everything is under control. Now THAT is terrifying.

Terror Fails In The Failed State Of Berlin

Nothing works here, you know. Think airport, or any of the other construction sites around town that have been built to last forever. Or try getting something done at your local Bürgeramt (no, that’s a “citizen’s office,” not a hamburger joint). And Berliners can boast about having a whole army of brilliant city planners and administrators who are known to have made their counterparts in Venezuela green with envy. And broke? Berlin is so broke that even the debt here is in debt.

Berlin

And yet, nobody seems to care. I don’t know if stoic is the right word, long-suffering is more like it, but Berliners just don’t care. Nothing really shakes them. So now we have the situation where even international terrorist types come up against a brick wall here (another Berlin Wall?). These ISIS or whatever-they-call-themselves-this-week guys are just going to have to come to grips with the fact that Berliners aren’t particularly terrorized by their terror. In fact, they remain “maximally unperturbed” by the attack here yesterday, as Spiegel Online put it. And that pretty much sums it up.

Sad, in a way. If it weren’t all so sad. That these guys are failures goes without saying but to fail in a failed state like Berlin takes a very special kind of loser. Talk about adding insult to injury. What Luschen (duds).

“Eure Stadt fühlt sich sehr ruhig an. Ist Berlin eigentlich immer so?”