Now It’s Getting Surreal

You know, as in having that disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream and being all like, well, unreal or fantastic?

I just stumbled across a German commentary in German published by a German in Germany entitled: Vielleicht ist Mitt Romney die bessere Wahl für die USA (Maybe Mitt Romney is the better choice for the USA).

Toto, you bullshitter, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.

Der republikanische Präsidentschaftsbewerber hat als Gouverneur bewiesen, dass er pragmatisch regieren kann. Obama blieb unter den Erwartungen.

US-Amerika In Decline Yet Again

Clearly disappointed in last night’s debate for some inexplicable reason, one leading German mind policeman has hurried to remind his countrymen that the United States is still, after all, a “global power in decline” which now appears to be “stuck in the Bush worldview,” whatever that is.

A buddy of his at the same German news organ also rushed to explain that President Obama, being a man of peace or something, did not want to have to fight and get all rude during the debates like he did but that the “unexpectedly close race” forced him to. I tell ya, life just ain’t fair sometimes.

With his centrist policies, Barack Obama tried to be a president for all Americans. But few in Washington were enthusiastic about his attempts to reach bipartisan compromise.

The Trend Is Republican?

Reported in a German newspaper? Openly? No sinister conspiracy theories? No ifs, ands or buts? I’ve seen it all now.

President Obama is under pressure: Surveys indicate that he is losing one state after another to Romney. He doesn’t have many chances left to turn the trend around.

Romney hat den Trend auf seiner Seite.

Romney Still Bad

Germans weren’t fooled one minute by Mitt Romney’s impressive performance during the first presidential debate (just see photo below).

And now they are being reassured by German Presseorgane (press organs) that the sudden, completely unexpected and, well, near miraculous drop in the American unemployment rate to 7.8% will ensure that the right guy (as in left guy) will get re-elected after all.

Alles wird gut (everything will fall into place). Alles wird gut… Oder?

Noch nie wurde ein US-Präsident bei einer Arbeitslosenquote über acht Prozent wiedergewählt.

Germans Concerned That Obama Maybe Could Might Not Be Reelected Doch Nicht (After All) Perhaps

Germans everywhere are all aflutter these days at the prospect of their United States President maybe not being automatically reelected after all, like which ought to be selbstverständlich (understood) or something but isn’t irgendwie (somehow).

German political scientists have namely just discovered that the unemployment rate in the US of Obama is well over 8 percent (and has been during the entire Obama administration), poverty levels are way up (3.6 million more Americans live off state support than before he entered office), the rate of founding new companies is at a thirty year low, government spending and debt have risen to incredible levels and the economy will simply not kick into gear, with no recovery or White House plan to change any of this in sight (and with no George W. Bush in sight to blame anymore, either).

Otherwise though, Obama is still the perfect guy for the job. So alles wird gut (everything will fall into place), they HOPE (way cool slogan from somebody a few years back).

Gouverneur Martin O’Malley geriet in Verlegenheit. Ob es den Menschen besser gehe als vor vier Jahren, wollte ein Reporter von dem demokratischen Gouverneur Marylands wissen. “Nein”, hatte O’Malley geantwortet.

Well I Thought It Was Real News, Too

German news is reporting that Iranian news is reporting that American news is reporting that a Gallup poll is reporting how rural white Americans prefer Ahmadinejad  to Obama.

Unfortunately (did I just write unfortunately?), this was just another satirical piece by The Onion. Dumb Iranians.

“I like him better,” said West Virginia resident Dale Swiderski, who, along with 77 percent of rural Caucasian voters, confirmed he would much rather go to a baseball game or have a beer with Ahmadinejad, a man who has repeatedly denied the Holocaust and has had numerous political prisoners executed, than spend time with Obama. “He takes national defense seriously, and he’d never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does.”

Are We Having A Middle East Policy Yet?

Some German commentators argue that the violence shows that Obama’s Middle East policies have failed.

“US President Barack Obama’s Middle East policy is in ruins. Like no president before him, he tried to win over the Arab world. After some initial hesitation, he came out clearly on the side of the democratic revolutions. … In this context, he must accept the fact that he has snubbed old close allies such as Israel, Saudi Arabia and the Egyptian military. And now parts of the freed societies are turning against the country which helped bring them into being. Anti-Americanism in the Arab world has even increased to levels greater than in the Bush era. It’s a bitter outcome for Obama.”

“Obama was naive to believe that one only needed to adopt a new tone and show more respect in order to dispel deep-seated reservations about the free world. In practice, the policies of the Obama administration in the region were not as naive as they may have seemed at times, and the Americans have always been much more involved in the Middle East than the passive Europeans. But Washington has provided the image of a distracted superpower in the process of decline to the societies there. This image of weakness is being exploited by Salafists and al-Qaida, who are active in North Africa from Somalia to Mali.”

“One thing is clear: If jihadists believe they can attack American installations and kill an ambassador on the anniversary of Sept. 11, then America’s deterrent power has declined considerably. For a superpower, it is not enough just to want to be loved. You have to scare the bad guys to keep them in check.”

Another In-Depth Spiegel Analysis

And it goes like this: “Romney dumb” (meaning “Obama smart”).

When it comes to objective, thorough and even-handed journalism (and the American presidential campaign) few international tabloids can compare with the quality reporting reported by Spiegel reporters.

The latest scoop for the German nation: Mitt Romney said “sheik” instead of “sikh.”

OMG. This is an issue, I guess. And shocking, or something. And proves something, I suppose.

Geepers creepers, that would be almost as inappropriate as saying these sorry Spiegel reporters are full of “Schiet” instead of “Scheiße” (Schiet, albeit correct, is a much more vulgar term here, I think).

Knapp drei Monate vor der US-Präsidentenwahl liegt Amtsinhaber Barack Obama in Umfragen weiter deutlich vor Romney.

Speaking Of Presidents… You Call This Being “Increasingly Disillusioned” With Obama?

Well, there’s disillusion and there’s disillusion.

A new survey indicates that German disillusionment with the US president is “widespread.” Wow, like what a surprise or something. Even the Germans catch on eventually.

But wait, please look a little closer. The real news story has to do with the numbers behind this so-called disillusionment. “Disillusionment with Obama” over here means:

Nevertheless, they (the Germans) still have overwhelming confidence in Obama’s overall international leadership. In fact, at 87 percent, Germans are the most supportive in Europe… And nine out of 10 Germans want to see Obama re-elected.

Huh? OK. Unbelievable as usual. It never ceases to amaze me. In a nation so openly sensitive to the concept of Gleichschaltung (enforced political conformity, as in the Third Reich kind), how can you get more gleichgeschaltet than that?

In retrospect, hopes for an Obama presidency were unrealistically high, especially among Europeans.

We Still Love Him Because…

Well, let us count the ways. We know, because his hands are tied (and his fingers are pointing?) and he would do better if he could but he can’t so he won’t.

President Obama just can’t turn out to be an ineffective loser. No he can’t. We are the world and we won’t accept it. We elected him, after all. Along with America too, of course.

Here are a few of this article’s lowlights:

In Europe, where more than 200,000 people thronged a Berlin rally in 2008 to hear Barack Obama speak, there’s disappointment that he hasn’t kept his promise to close the military prison at Guantanamo Bay, and perceptions that he’s shunting blame for the financial crisis across the Atlantic.

In a world weary of war and economic crises, and concerned about global climate change, the consensus is that Obama has not lived up to the lofty expectations that surrounded his 2008 election and Nobel Peace Prize a year later.

But many Germans give Obama too much of the blame because they don’t understand the limits of his powers. “There’s a lack of understanding both of how the system of checks and balances works — or doesn’t work any longer — and a lack of understanding of how big the socio-economic problems in the United States are, which cause the gridlock.”

“I think people see through his game to put the blame (for the financial crisis) on Europeans — I think Germans and Europeans still know where the economic crisis had its beginning,” Braml said. “That’s just finger-pointing, not doing a fair analysis of the dire situation in the U.S., but I can understand Obama is doing that because he wants to get re-elected so they need to shift blame around on the Republicans or the Europeans.”

And elsewhere:

“When Democrats, including Obama, are in power, we lose the sympathy and support from America,” said Carawan Ahmed, a high school teacher in Iraq’s northern Kurdish capital of Irbil. “To be frank, the Republicans protected the Kurdish people, while Obama’s administration is not.”

Obama has been the U.S. president “least involved in the Palestinian issue,” said Mohammed Ishtayeh, an aide to Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. Since Obama made his Cairo speech, Ishtayeh added, “he found his hands tied and couldn’t make much progress.”

Obama also has a strained relationship with Israel. Obama’s Mideast envoy, former U.S. Sen. George Mitchell, made no progress during two years of frequent meetings with both sides before quitting last year.

Many in Asia, Africa, the Middle East and Latin America were also taken aback by his support for gay marriage, a taboo subject among religious conservatives.

And on and on it goes. But the main thing is that the world still loves him because, well, he means well. And he has so much promise, or something.