Category Archives: Habitudes

Germans Can’t Stop Laughing These Days

May 7, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

This is a real shocker, folks. A new study indicates that 29 percent of Germans laugh less than five times a day or not at all.

Lachen

Wow. They really seem to have made great progress here these past few years. I remember when it used to be 79 percent, or higher.

But, sadly, this is also an indication of the sorry state our troubled world is in: The study also shows that Germans are mostly amused by others’ bad luck (Schadenfreude).

Lachen ist gesund – ein Gemeinplatz. Doch wenn eine Krankenkasse jetzt 15 Minuten herzhaftes Lachen pro Tag empfiehlt, kann das sehr anstrengend sein. Dann sind wir doch lieber unlustig.

Berlin May Day Protesters Too Bourgeois For This Anti-Bourgeois Nonsense

May 1, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

And too old, I guess. Everything is “relatively calm” yet again. Boring.

May

In 1987, far-left rioters battled with police for 12 hours, looting shops and burning cars. They were fighting against what they called a “bourgeois” celebration of the 750th anniversary of the founding of Berlin.

Rioting on May 1 then became a regular tradition in Berlin, starting in West Berlin and spreading to the East following reunification in 1990. In 1989 protests 364 police officers were injured. In 2000 the extent of the violence led to an attempted ban on protests the following year. In 2009 after a few years of relative calm, 273 police were injured with some rioters facing attempted murder charges for throwing Molotov cocktails.

Walpurgnisnacht und 1. Mai verliefen bisher weitgehend ruhig – trotz zahlreicher Demonstrationen. Tausende Menschen sind außerdem in Kreuzberg auf dem Myfest unterwegs.

The Case Of The Missing SPD Candidate

April 26, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Horror, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

New properties of the Schulz effect have been discovered by political scientists in Germany.

Martin

Similar to the Doppler effect, the Schulz effect is also characterized by a a distinct change of pitch (in this case hype) heard when the media vehicle (in this case Schulz himself) sounds its horn when approaching, passing and then receding from the observer (preferably forever). You can hardly hear a sound from him these days, in other words. And this is a good thing.

Der Hype um Martin Schulz lässt nach, die CDU liegt in Umfragen vor der SPD, die Mehrheit in NRW wackelt. Noch muss sich Schulz nicht sorgen, aber was ist da passiert?

German Of The Day: Unmutsbekundungen

April 25, 2017 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

That means protest. In this particular case it means hissing, however.

Ivanka

But as far as I can tell, this has something to do with moving forward the cause for women or womanhood or femaleness or whatever. So it’s necessary or something.

Ivanka Trump defended her father at a women’s panel in Berlin Tuesday after attendees hissed and booed when she attempted to champion her father’s commitment to women’s issues.

„Einige Sichtweisen ihres Vaters über Frauen in der Vergangenheit lassen es fraglich erscheinen, wie er Frauen wirklich stärken will.”

German Of The Day: Exportüberschuss

April 20, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

That means export or trade surplus. In this case the German trade surplus, of course.

Export

Also see: Böse Buben. That means bad boys.

Christine Lagarde (IMF) and Donald Trump may not have much in common at first glance but one thing they seem to agree upon is Germany’s trade surplus. That is, Germany exports more to, say, the USA than it imports from that country (same procedure with practically every other country Germany deals with, too). And it’s been like forever already.

So Germany, just in case you didn’t know it, you’re being a very bad boy.

Deutschland wird zum bösen Buben des Welthandels.

Rotten Administrative Watchdog Worried About Lack Of Lousy Public Service Officials

April 19, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Germany’s Bundesverwaltungsamt (Federal Office of Administration), responsible for overseeing the lousy service traditionally inflicted upon defenseless German citizens by the crappy public service officials they administer so poorly, has expressed concern that the number of said officials is much too low to guarantee the continued level of awful service these citizens have become accustomed to and therefore insists that tons more of these losers be hired in the near future or sooner. Or else.

Offcials

“That’s right,” said the only incompetent high-level and ridiculously overpaid official anybody could locate who wasn’t home playing sick or out getting a Kur (a well-loved “treatment” scam here). “Hire a whole bunch more of folks like us or the service gets even worse. Any questions?”

In der Verwaltung droht der Personalnotstand: Das befürchtet der Präsident des Bundesverwaltungsamtes Christoph Verenkotte und fordert ein “riesiges Einstellungsprogramm.”

Take From The Rich

April 18, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

And give it to the SPD, Left party, Greens, etc. They’ll give it to the poor later, right?

Earn

This is getting increasing more difficult to do in Germany, however, as a recent study reveals that the top ten percent of the working population (those who earn the most) already pay half of all income tax the country takes in.

And as recently reported, an average earner here already has to give up nearly half of what he earns. Sheesh. Crime just doesn’t pay anymore. If you’re a dyed-in-the-wool Robin Hoodlum kind of criminal, I mean.

Die Studie zeigt auch, wie stark Gering- und Durchschnittsverdiener durch Steuern und Sozialabgaben belastet werden. So zahle zum Beispiel ein Single mit einem Bruttogehalt von 1.940 Euro im Monat 46 Prozent Steuern und Abgaben. Ein alleinstehender Durchschnittsverdiener mit 3.250 Euro monatlich müsse 51 Prozent abführen, also mehr als jeden zweiten Euro.

Leading Purveyor Of Nazi Analogies Explains Why This Is A Really Dumb Thing To Do

April 13, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

A government spokesman for a country in which Nazi analogies are passed about daily like warme Semmeln (hot cakes) has explained to White House spokesman Sean Spicer that this is a really counterproductive and stupid thing to do.

Spicer

The spokesman for the chancellor of said country then went on to explain that comments about chemical weapons Spicer had made comparing gas-happy Syrian President Bashar Assad to Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler could never be a wise idea “because we in my country have been making comparisons like these for ages already, calling practically anyone who annoys us in the slightest way a Nazi, and yet we still can’t seem to figure out how pointless and senseless it is. Leads to nothing. A total waste of time. Believe me, I know. I do it on a regular basis myself. Like when that guy took the parking space I wanted this morning. It’s genetic or something. Not racial or anything, OK? Genetic.”

Die Bundesregierung hat sich zum Assad-Hitler-Vergleich von Trumps Sprecher Sean Spicer geäußert. So etwas führe “zu nichts Gutem”, sagte Regierungssprecher Seibert.

German Of The Day: Netto vom Brutto

April 12, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

That means net pay from the gross. And gross is it ever. Only Belgium (think Land of the EU) does it better. Meaning worse, of course.

Netto

According to a report just published by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), Germany has the second biggest tax burden worldwide. And we’re talking about middle-income people here, people. Not millionaires or anything.

The OECD calculated each country’s tax wedge – the gap between what employers take home in pay and what it costs to employ them, including personal income tax and social security contributions. Germany had a tax wedge for single, childless workers of 49.4 percent, behind Belgium at 54 percent. That means nearly half of a single person’s income goes towards taxes and social security contributions in Germany.

Please remember this the next time somebody starts telling you again how wonderful everything over here in ze Europe is (“socialized medicine” and all that). There simply is no free Mittagessen (lunch).  You can go broke eating free lunch over here.

„Die Belastung der Bürger ist deutlich höher, als uns bewusst war.”

Remember: Germans have more words for taxation than Eskimos have for snow.