Berlinale Increases Security To Protect Crappy Films

February 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, Berlinale, Film, Film Festivals, German, Germans, Germany, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, Satire, Security, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

With the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe on the rise, organizers at the Berlin International Film Festival are worried that frustrated patrons might actually take action for once and are beefing up security big time this year.

“All measures essential to ensure the safety of these pretentious films of ours from any possible attacks carried out by radicalized festivalgoers and other unwanted guests are being implemented as we speak,” a spokesperson said, more like snarled. “Albeit in an inconspicuous and unobtrusive manner. Not like the way we organize the rest of our awful festival, I mean.”

Wird es auch spezielle Vorführungen für Flüchtlinge geben?

Alles wie Immer*

January 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Hype, Journalism, Keywords, Language, Media, Refugees Leave a comment

When it comes to reliable news sources, I mean – ‘Refugee’: A keyword that gets German media every time.

Let’s see. Here’s what’s coming out of German media outlets these days: A dead refugee who isn’t, a thirteen-year-old girl raped by refugees who wasn’t and a hand grenade attack at a refugee facility done with a hand grenade that doesn’t explode… Tell me when to stop or something.

Police said the grenade still contained its explosives but it was not clear whether it still had a detonator. Forensics experts are investigating.

* alles wie immer means the same as always.

German Angst Is Back?

January 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 1 Comment

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

The Freak Show Must Go On

January 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin Fashion Week, Berlin Mode Salon, Catwalks, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Language 4 Comments

Runway? No way. Me prefer run away instead.

At the Berliner Mode Salon, a sub-event at Berlin Fashion Week , established and young German designers are putting their best face, and designs, forward.

But remember to wear some Mundschutz (a surgical mask) if you attend, folks. There’s some really gross sounding contagious disease spreading like wildfire over there. It’s called gender fluidity. And I, for one, DO NOT want anybody to tell me how I can tell if my fluidity has become gender or not.

Gender fluidity is at the heart of Berlin’s style, ethos, and history. Unisex garments, cross-dressing, and celebrations of androgyny have been prevailing statements in Berlin’s ateliers and on its streets since the city’s cultural inception.

German Tornadoes Useless At Night?

January 20, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Afghanistan, Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Julian Reichelt, Syria, Terrorism, Tornadoes, Ursula von der Leyen, War 1 Comment

So what? They’re pretty worthless during the day, too.

In a new humiliation for Germany’s defense ministry, the six Tornado airplanes that had been touted as a much-needed German contribution to the fight against “Islamic State” terrorism are outfitted with lighting far too bright for pilots’ eyes.

Meanwhile… Ursula von der Leyen: “The Bundeswehr fights against ISIS in Syria and the Taliban in Afghanistan.”

Fights?

Germany stands in the way in the fight against ISIS!

In Syria the Bundeswehr does not “fight” at all. The Bundeswehr leaves the fighting to others (politically intended), for instance to the Kurds or the Americans, the French and the British. Kurdish troops fight on the ground against ISIS, having been furnished arms by Germany…

Nor does the Bundeswehr “fight” in Afghanistan, not for a long time now. It has pulled out of all contested areas. Since then the Taliban rules there – undisturbed by the Germans…

Many German soldiers have fought and died or ruined their health in Afghanistan. It is simply not fair to them to claim that the Bundeswehr “fights” anywhere against the Islamic threat.

Finding Friends Now Illegal In Germany

January 15, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Court Rulings, Data Privacy, Data Protection, Facebook, Frank Zappa, Friend Finder, Friends, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Paranoia 2 Comments

If you had any friends, you wouldn’t have to find them, right?

And trying to find friends who aren’t your friends yet would only be an imposition and a possible violation of their Gott-given data privacy rights.

So just why are you trying to find these friends, anyway? Do you have some hidden agenda we don’t know about? What are you really up to? And, more importantly, why are you standing on ze corner?

Germany’s Federal Court of Justice has upheld a 2014 judgement that Facebook’s Friend Finder feature is illegal under laws concerning both unwanted commercial promotions and data protection, following an appeal by the social media giant.

The album (Weasels Ripped My Flesh) also documents the brief tenure of Lowell George (guitar and vocals), who went on to found the country-rock band Little Feat with Mothers bassist Roy Estrada . On “Didja Get Any Onya?”, George affects a German accent to relate a story of being a small boy in Germany and seeing “a lot of people stand around on the corners asking questions, ‘Why are you standing on the corner, acting the way you act, looking the way you look, why do you look that way?'”

Finally, A German Non-Word Of The Year For The Rest Of Us

January 12, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Language, Non-Words, Unwort des Jahres, Word Of The Year, Words 1 Comment

Please, someone please have this 2015 winner introduced into the English language ASAP, please (did I say please?): Gutmensch.

A Gutmensch is a do-gooder or a starry-eyed idealist. Or the term can also be seen as a blanket reproach for being “naive, dumb and worldly innocent, or being someone suffering from helper syndrome or moral imperialism.”

Or if you want a more concrete example of what this kind of non-word ailment can lead to, take a look at what’s going in in Germany right now. That’s right. The Gutmenschen are behind all of this.

Wer Gutmensch sagt, verdient sich seinen Shitstorm.

The Recklinghausen Connection

January 10, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Asylum Seekers, Films, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Language, Movies, Paris, Refugees, Terror, Terrorism, The French Connection 1 Comment

No, not staring Gene Hackman. This thriller stars an asylum-seeker French police killed as he tried to storm a Paris police station last week.

This guy was registered at a German asylum center in the city of Recklinghausen, had a phone with a German SIM card and carried a paper on him in which he pledged allegiance to the leader of the Islamic State. He had also been registered under four different names in Germany.

I don’t think that’s fair. That a poor refugee gets welcomed to Germany four times like that, I mean. Then there are fewer welcomes left to go around for the next wave of folks that comes in. And the next, and the next…

Der Mann posierte in seiner nordrhein-westfälischen Flüchtlingsunterkunft mit einer IS-Fahne. Die Landesbehörden stuften ihn demnach als Verdachtsfall ein, doch im Dezember 2015 verschwand er spurlos aus Recklinghausen.

PS: There’s this German turn of speech I really like: Ich glaub ich bin im schlechten Film. That means I think I’m in a bad movie. I’ve been hearing it more and more these days, too, for some reason.

Evil US-Amerikan-NSA-CIA-Creeps Still Invading German Privacy (Along With Their French Counterparts)

January 1, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hi-tech Tags: Bombings, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, ISIS, Munich, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

And kept the new year from starting off with a bang in Munich.

“According to information obtained by the ZEIT the warning was also based upon information that came out of the USA. The French authorities were then of the opinion that these warnings fit the information they themselves had gathered.”

Nach Informationen der ZEIT beruht die Warnung auch auf Informationen, die aus den USA kamen. Die französischen Behörden seien demnach der Ansicht gewesen, dass diese Warnungen zu Informationen passten, von denen sie selbst gehört hätten.

No “High Abstract Threat” Here

December 31, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Home Cooking Tags: Berlin, Brandenburg Gate, Firworks, New Year's Eve 1 Comment

These puppies will blow your fingers clean off.

You folks have a Happy New Year anyway!

In der Hauptstadt werden mehrere Hunderttausend Menschen auf einer rund zwei Kilometer langen Feiermeile zwischen Brandenburger Tor und Siegessäule erwartet. Hinweise auf konkrete Anschlagsplanungen in Berlin gebe es nicht, betonte ein Polizeisprecher. Es herrsche aber eine hohe abstrakte Gefährdung.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Habitudes