VW, Audi, Porsche, Daimler, BMW…

Then come the Corleones, the Camorra, the Yakuza, the Sinaloa Cartel, etc.

VW

German car makers Volkswagen (VW), Audi, Porsche, BMW and Daimler secretly worked together from the 1990s onwards on issues including polluting emissions from diesel vehicles, news magazine Der Spiegel reported on Friday.

VW, facing tens of billions of dollars in compensation and fines after admitting to cheating on diesel emissions in 2015, had reported the cartel to German competition authorities in a letter seen by the weekly, as did Mercedes-Benz maker Daimler.

“The German car industry agreed in secret working groups about technology in their vehicles, costs, suppliers, markets, strategies and even about the emissions treatment of their diesel vehicles.”

Mercedes Recalls 3,000,000 Diesel Cars For Cheat-Software Update

Citing strong dependencies between the false emission readings gathered by environmental authorities and the false emission readings measured in their own laboratories, Daimler has recalled millions of their diesel automobiles to update the illegal cheat-software used in their products and thus ensure that future false emission readings will result in the same false readings for everybody.

Mercedes

“The public debate about diesel engines is creating uncertainty – especially for our customers. We have therefore decided on additional measures to reassure drivers of diesel cars and to strengthen confidence in diesel technology.”

600,000 Jobs

More or less.

According to a study conducted by the ifo economic institute, some 600,000 jobs in the German automobile industry would be lost if the planned ban on combustion engines in Germany in 2030 goes through, which of course it will and must (this is Germany, after all).

Morgenthau

Damn. The Greens & Co. have developed a little Morgenthau Plan of their own. A little late, but still. Germany as Agrarland (agricultural country)? Why not? Germany first or something.

Mehr als 600.000 deutsche Industriearbeitsplätze wären laut einer Studie direkt oder indirekt betroffen, wenn ab 2030 keine Autos mit Verbrennungsmotoren mehr zugelassen werden dürften.

Volkswagen, Audi, Daimler…

There seems to be a connection here somewhere but I just can’t find it.

Daimler

Oh, yeah. Now I know: Diesel.

A German media research consortium reported Wednesday that German automaker Daimler, the maker of Mercedes-Benz cars, had for almost 10 years cheated emissions tests on two of its lines of engines. The allegations prompted a series of raids carried by German authorities on a number of Daimler locations back in May.

And all of this was financed by the Deutsche Bank, right?

“Wir kooperieren vollumfänglich mit den Behörden. Spekulationen kommentieren wir nicht.”

German Of The Day: Deutsche Bank

That means German Bank.

Deutsche Bank

And it’s getting hard to find a financial scandal that this bank is not involved in. When it comes to corruption and criminal activity, it’s the Volkswagen among the banks, you could say. Or the Audi, if you prefer.

Today’s criminal activity: U.S. authorities have tried to seize millions of dollars associated with several companies that deal with North Korea, including the country’s military, from eight large international banks, according to court filings made public on Thursday. Deutsche Bank is among them.

Some of the transactions were processed for Dandong Zhicheng Metallic Material Co and four affiliated “front” companies that prosecutors said tried to evade sanctions through transactions that would benefit North Korean entities, “including the North Korea military and North Korea weapons programs,” according to the filings.

Amerikanische Staatsanwälte haben die Deutsche Bank und sieben weitere Banken im Visier. Der Grund: Sie sollen Geschäfte mit nordkoreanischen Tarnfirmen gemacht haben.

Who’s Your Daddy?

The German birth rate is suddenly spiking or something. I knew you could do it, guys.

Pregnant

German officials say growing numbers of pregnant immigrant women are paying German men to pose as fathers so that they can qualify for residency.

German broadcaster RBB found up to 700 cases in Berlin alone. “There are many unreported cases,” said Ole Schröder, a top interior ministry official.

Some pregnant immigrant women are reported to have paid fake fathers and solicitors as much as €5,000 (£4,356; $5,628) to get paternity registered. Once that is done, the baby automatically becomes a German citizen and the mother has the right to stay.

“Wir haben teilweise Personen, die über zehn Vaterschaften annerkannt haben.”

Paris?

Germany can’t even reach the climate targets it has set for itself (see objective media coverage below).

Earth

A thirty-three page report has just confirmed what most German global climate saviors already knew: There is no way in hell that the more than ambitious climate target set by the federal government some ten years back will ever be reached. Emissions were to drop 40 percent the year 2020. They haven’t quite dropped 28 percent yet. The main problem – now get this – being German cars. Like, duh. Ever hear of Volkswagen & Co.?

Ein wesentliches Problem: Der Verkehrsbereich hat seine Emissionen kaum reduziert. So notwendig ein allgemeines Umsteuern beim Autoverkehr ist, so unpopulär sind die Maßnahmen im Einzelnen.

“We in Germany, in Europe and the world will band together to take more decisive action than ever to confront and successfully surmount major challenges to humanity such as climate change.”

German Of The Day: Schlecht

That means bad. Or böse. That means worse. You know, like in “bad, very bad.”

Trump

President Donald Trump has reportedly reignited tensions with his EU counterparts after calling the Germans “very bad” for their trade surplus with the U.S. The president vowed to block German car exports to the U.S. during a meeting with top EU leaders on Thursday, according to German news magazine Der Spiegel.

I don’t know, folks. Whether this is true or not, I have a very böse feeling about all of this. Not.

“The Germans are bad, very bad. Look at the millions of cars they’re selling in the U.S. We will stop that.”

It’s Not Just About The Two Percent We Promised To Spend On Defense As A NATO Country

And still aren’t spending (1.3 percent the last time I checked), Angela Merkel explained to Donald Trump.

Trump

It’s also about “what a country makes available to NATO and what capabilities we have,” whatever that means. The Oktoberfest and world class table tennis talent or what?

Citing this week’s attack in the English city of Manchester, Trump told fellow alliance leaders including German Chancellor Angela Merkel that NATO should focus its efforts on combating terrorism. Yet of the 28 member nations, 23 “are still not paying what they should be paying and what they’re supposed to be paying for their defense,” he said.

“Wir freuen uns auch, dass in Zukunft nicht nur gefragt wird, wie viel wird für Verteidigung ausgegeben, sondern auch, was stellt man als Land der Nato zur Verfügung, welche Fähigkeiten haben wir und welche Beiträge leisten wir. Ich glaube hier kann sich Deutschland sehen lassen, und das werde ich auch hier deutlich machen.”

Germany Not To Reach Its E-Car Goal

Nope. Sadly, chancellor Angela Merkel has just announced that Germany will not be able to reach its goal of having at least 20 e-cars on German roads by the year 2020.

E-Car

This extremely ambitious goal, mocked from the start by gas-guzzling German automobile experts everywhere (some 97 percent of the German population), has now been scrapped for a more realistic goal of a nice round non-dirty dozen.

Chancellor Angela Merkel said that Germany will likely miss the government’s target of bringing one million electric cars onto the roads by the end of the decade. The sale of electric vehicles (EVs) has remained sluggish in Germany despite discounts introduced last year and granted to buyers of green cars. In 2016, there were less than 80,000 electric cars on German roads. Experts say German consumers remain reluctant to buy EVs because of relatively high prices, limited driving range and restrictions due to the low number of charging stations.

Merkel: Ziel für E-Autos nicht zu schaffen.