I Got Your FIFA For You Right Here

The German government sent a shipment of rocket-propelled grenades to Saudi Arabia in order to secure support for their bid to host the 2006 World Cup, according to the latest sensational claims in the FIFA scandal.

FIFA

German newspaper Die Zeit say the country’s Football Association arranged for then Chancellor Gerhard Schroder’s administration to supply the arms in order to swing the Saudi vote from Morocco to Germany ahead of the vote in 2000.

Die Regierung von Gerhard Schröder beschloss eine Woche vor der WM-Vergabe die Lieferung von Panzerfäusten an Saudi-Arabien. Deutschland habe “kurzfristig das Waffenembargo aufgehoben”, sagte Guido Tognoni, damals Fifa-Mitarbeiter, später.

Stop TTIP! Save The Climate! Fight Poverty!

And while you’re at it down there, folks… Faster horses! Younger women! Older whiskey! And more money!

Elmau

It’s time to gear up for G7 demonstration time. Jeepers creepers. This is going to be like Blockupy, Burning Man and Woodstock all rolled up into one! And to really give that special psychedelic touch, let’s do it in German.

The main demonstration was due to kick off at 1200 GMT in the state capital Munich, around 100 kilometres (60 miles) north of the Alpine venue where Chancellor Angela Merkel is to welcome leaders from the club of rich nations from Sunday.

Stop G7 Elmau!

Redistribution Is Da Solution (Again)

The next step backwards: Berlin has a new law prohibiting landlords from demanding rents that are more than 10 percent higher than the area average, in an attempt to keep housing affordable in a city that’s attracting 50,000 new residents a year. The rule relies on a disputed index — known as the Mietspiegel — that critics say is a statistical crapshoot.

Rents

“The rent brake is essentially a transfer of wealth from landlords to tenants. Berlin will become less of a destination for international investors because capital doesn’t like to be constrained.”

We’re Number One!

When it comes to not having children.

Baby

A new study has determined that Germany not only has the lowest birth rate in Europe, it has the lowest birth rate on Planet Earth itself. In the past five years Germany has managed to produce a less than whopping 8.3 children per 1000 inhabitants. That edges the country past the previous Japanese champions who apparently couldn’t keep their hands off each other during the same period and now squeeze out some 8.4 children per 1000 inhabitants.

But what’s this with these .3 and .4 kids, gals?

Meanwhile, in an unrelated story… Another study indicates that Germany will face a massive labor deficit by the year 2030. In a mere 15 years, that is, between 6.1 and 7.8 million workers will be missing in the country.

And it could get worse. Large sections of the German population just disappear out of nowhere here from time to time, too.

Danach wurden in den vergangenen fünf Jahren im Durchschnitt 8,3 Kinder je 1000 Einwohner geboren. Das liegt unter dem Niveau des bisherigen Schlusslichts Japan von 8,4 Kindern je 1000 Einwohner.

German Film May Have Foreshadowed Hitler…

As claimed in the book “From Caligari to Hitler: A Psychological History of the German Film.” But no force in the universe could possibly have foreshadowed, much less foreseen this latest greatest new and refreshing delicious taste treat snack: Hitler Ice Cream.

Hitler Ice Cream

From India. I guess you had to have been there. To get it, I mean.

Hitler Ice Cream. Mad, I mean made like no other. This gives “you scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream” a whole new meaning.

The ice cream packaging has a photo of Hitler along with a Swastika-shaped top hat, which is somewhat at odds with his furious expression and full military paraphernalia.

It’s Not Easy Being Optimist-In-Chief

When it comes to dealing with Europe, I mean. Optimism is suspekt (makes suspicious) here. There is always an angle to everything, you see.

Larry Page

For him (Larry Page), the real danger is opposing technological progress and greater efficiency. Such dangers lurk particularly in the Old World: “Especially in Europe, it appears easy to ignore the fundamental physics of a question in order to claim everything is just fine when things here cost twice as much as elsewhere. This attitude worries me greatly, because it hinders the work of entrepreneurs.”

But should not a society also have the right to say “No” to a superior technology? Certainly, agrees Mr. Page. But that’s not particularly clever. “If you make everything twice as expensive, you reduce people’s quality of life.” And do you really want to keep local entrepreneurs from making their contribution to the global economy? Naturally it’s great when citizens have the feeling they can decide. “I’m merely saying that when they make decisions contrary to a global system of capital, then they have to do that consciously and seriously. And I don’t believe anyone is doing that.”

“If I were a young entrepreneur today and I had the choice of starting my Internet firm in Germany or Silicon Valley, it wouldn’t be a hard choice. And regulation will only get worse in Europe. It will be very hard to build a company of global import there.”

Gerade die Europäer neigen in den Augen von Larry Page offenbar zu falscher Nostalgie. “In Europa scheint es leicht, die grundlegende Physik einer Frage zu ignorieren und zu behaupten, es ist schon in Ordnung, wenn Dinge hier doppelt so viel kosten wie anderswo”.

Forget Mediation

What these guys need is some meditation. Or maybe some heavy medication.

Strikes

Don’t worry. These GDL train drivers will be back for strike number ten before too long. And not that anybody cares anymore or anything, but the post office employees and kindergarden cop-people are still on strike here, too.

Remember when Germany used to be a “first world” country?

The latest strike is the ninth walkout in just 11 months and follows a five-day train strike earlier in May, which was the longest in Deutsche Bahn’s 21-year history.

Next Big US-Amerikan Internet Giant Soon To Threaten The German Way Of Life Again

Whatever that is. It’s called Postmates and it’s an on-demand courier service that is sure to ruin everything Germans hold to be hoch und heilig (holy) in the realm of quick and easy albeit expensive pick-up and drop-off service.

Postmates

It’s despicable and it’s nasty and it’s wait a minute… A German invented it. Well, a little German innovation never hurt anybody, right?

Postmates has set itself an ambitious goal — to be the Uber of goods, with a vast network of couriers, linked, like Uber’s drivers, via a sleek app, waiting for users to hit a button on their smartphones and send them forth to pick up anything that money can buy. Like Uber’s drivers, Postmates couriers aren’t employees but “independent contractors.” Anyone with a bike, car, truck, scooter or motorcycle can register and decide exactly when they want to work.

“In Germany, if you have an idea like mine, people think you’re deluded.”

Even When We Win We Lose

Or so it goes with SPD these days.

SPD

Germany’s Social Democrats, Chancellor Angela Merkel’s coalition partners, on Sunday suffered their worst-ever electoral setback in regional polls in Bremen, raising questions about party leader Sigmar Gabriel’s hopes of gaining ground nationally on Ms Merkel’s conservative Christian Democrats.

So sehen Sieger aus (this is what winners look like):

FDP

In Bremen ändern 6,5 Prozent für die FDP nicht viel. Im Bund aber eröffnet ihre Wiedererweckung Gedankenspiele für die Wahl 2017.

Do They Strike This Much In Greece?

European travelers have contended for weeks with the possibility that Greece’s dwindling finances might lead to empty ATMs. They should have concerned themselves instead with Germany.

ATM

While cash machines in Athens are still operating without any trouble, striking couriers in Berlin this week stopped filling ATMs, leading to a crunch for those trying to make withdrawals. And the open-ended labor dispute with a local security company means there’s no end in sight.

Berlin’s strike is the latest in a series of walkouts that have riled a nation more accustomed to mocking the labor strife which has so often beset neighboring France. A strike by train drivers that began Tuesday is paralyzing travel and clogging highways throughout Germany. That action follows a March walkout by pilots at Deutsche Lufthansa AG that led to flight cancellations for 220,000 people.