Maybe The Turks Could Build One Of These New-Fangled Airport Thingies In Berlin, Too

June 8, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Airports, Berlin, Berlin-Brandenburg Airport, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Istanbul, Projects, Satire, Technology Leave a comment

The construction of the world’s largest airport began on June 7 in Istanbul with a massive groundbreaking ceremony. When fully completed in 2018, the 10 billion-euro airport will be able to carry 150 million passengers a year, making it one of the world’s busiest airports.

Meanwhile, back in Germany…

Berlin’s disastrous airport project (groundbreaking so long ago nobody can remember anymore, at one time planned to open in June 2012 Anno Domini) was hit with another scandal after its technical director was suspended pending an investigation into alleged corruption. A “leading employee” responsible for awarding contracts during the on-going construction of the hopelessly-delayed Berlin Brandenburg airport (BER), is suspected of having demanded €500,000 bribes from a prospective contractor.

Berlin’s airport is already too small.

All The Butts. All The Time.

May 27, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hotness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Butts, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Journalism, Kate Middleton, Nudity, Satire, Tabloids 4 Comments

Enraged by the German Bild‘s publication of Kate Middleton’s bare butt…

several British newspapers have retaliated by publishing butt shots of just about anybody’s butt you can imagine who’s a girl. Butt really, isn’t it time for us to leave all of this behind behind us?

The revealing snaps were taken when Kate’s blue dress blew up in an unfortunate ‘Marilyn moment’ during her official tour of Australia last month.

No British magazine or newspaper would print the photo so they were sold overseas in a move which will no doubt deeply dismay Prince William and Kate.

Only In Germany Can You Emasculate A Traffic Light

May 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Hideology, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Quotas, Satire, Token Women, Traffic Lights 1 Comment

The city of Berlin may be poor but sexy, but it is not poor but sexy enough to not be able to scrape up enough needed tax euros to introduce a traffic light woman quota.

I don’t make this stuff up, people.

“Women need to be more present in the appearances of our capital’s streets,” Martina Matischok-Yesilcimen, Germany’s Social Democratic Party district leader who signed a recent motion (PDF) to introduce female walk signals, told Bloomberg News.

“We’re a diverse city, and that deserves to be seen.”

PS: And have a happy election day or something while you’re at it.

What Kind Of SPD Do You Want?

May 19, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Arms exports, Bribery, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Payoffs, Political Parties, Social Democrats, SPD Leave a comment

They’re switch-hitters, you know. You can have the Squeaky-Clean Party of Doves SPD that has been making a whole lot of noise these days about curbing German arms exports but hasn’t wirklich (really) taken all that much action up until now and of course never, ever, ever will.

Or you can have the Sweet and Plentiful Dough SPD that boasts of having two former lawmakers who are said to have raked in over five million euros in commissions from the German defense contractor Krauss-Maffei Wegmann for two big honking tank deals.

This little tidbit, that nobody here is particularly interested in, was uncovered during an investigation being made by Pricewaterhouse Coopers looking into charges of payoffs made to Greece.

Wurde Einfluss auf die Auftragsvergabe genommen?

Let It Rot

May 18, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Counter-Culture, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Initiatives, Parks, Propositions, Protest, Tempelhof Airport, Tempelhof Feld Leave a comment

It’s voting time in Berlin again. This time it’s about whether or not good old abandoned Tempelhof Field should be developed or not (for housing, a library, etc.). You know, to actually maybe use it for something other than flying kites?

But as usual we have learned that this would be a terrible thing and that the field needs to be “saved” from such an awful fate, or at least that’s what opponents on the left insist. Urban Romantics need more room to move, especially if they are German ones (“the richest kind”) and being that saying no is so popular and comes so naturally to Germans in general and Berliners in particular, I am quite sure these opponents will win yet again.

Der stillgelegte Berliner Flughafen liegt brach. Nicht weil der Ort belasteter wäre als andere, sondern weil es leichter ist, mit dem “Luxus der Leere” zu kokettieren, als die Geschichte anzunehmen.

Das Tempelhofer-Feld ist eine Oase mitten in Berlin.

This Detergent Will Get Your Clothes Whiter Than White

May 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hate, Heconomy, Helplessness, Higher Education, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Advertising, Ariel, Detergent, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler, Humor, Nazis, Neo-Nazis, Satire Leave a comment

A detergent just got pulled in Germany over a neo-Nazi code? Uh, OK.

The use of Nazi slogans in public is banned in Germany, which neo-Nazis often try to circumvent by using codes. They use “88” to represent the phrase “Heil Hitler,” because “H” is the eighth letter of the alphabet. Similarly, “18” is used to stand for “A.H.” or Adolf Hitler.

Wow or something. I’ll wait until they come out with a product labeled “23-7-1-19” before I start getting all excited. That’s code for “W.G.A.S” or “Who gives a shit?”

“Für ein reines Deutschland.”

Gerd Congratulates Vlad

April 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Corruption, Crimea, Gerhard Schroeder, German, Germans, Germany, Politicians, Putin, Russia, SPD, Ukraine 2 Comments

No, wait. Or is it Vlad congratulating Gerd? At any rate, there sure is a whole lot of Schroeder-Putin schmoozing going on around here these days.

Photos of Vladimir Putin and Gerhard Schroeder sharing an embrace have caused the German government to quickly distance itself from the former Chancellor.

“He does not represent the German government,” a senior government official said when asked about the pictures of Mr Schroeder’s meeting with Mr Putin. “It should be clear to everyone that Mr Schroeder left active politics some time ago.”

Mitten in der Ukraine-Krise wird Altkanzler Gerhard Schröder geknipst, wie er den russischen Präsidenten Wladimir Putin herzlichst umarmt.

Eat More Rich People!

April 28, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Satire, Taxation, Taxes, Wealth 2 Comments

Germans should be ashamed of themselves. Again, I mean. The amount of personal wealth just keeps on rising here – another 79 billion this past quarter – and has reached yet another historic level. The Germans, it seems, have never been richer. And this, as we all know, is a bad thing.

Haven’t you people ever heard of Umverteilung (redistribution) over here? What do you need all that damned money for? It’s not like it’s yours or anything. Well it is but it isn’t, if you know what I’m sayin’. And who says it doesn’t stink? It stinks that you still have it. What you folks need is leadership like we have now been graced with in New York City itself. You’ve already got all the tax loopholes you’ll be needing so roll up your sleeves and let’s get this party started!

Im vierten Quartal 2013 wuchs das Vermögen der privaten Haushalte in Form von Bargeld, Wertpapieren, Bankeinlagen oder Ansprüchen gegenüber Versicherungen im Vergleich zum Vorquartal um rund 79 Milliarden Euro oder 1,6 Prozent auf den historischen Höchstwert von 5,15 Billionen Euro, teilte die Deutsche Bundesbank mit.

Germans Show So Much Understanding For Putin Russia It Hurts

April 25, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, German, Germans, Germany, Propaganda, Putin, Russia, Ukraine 3 Comments

It sure hurts to read some of this stuff, anyway.

Dear Mr. President, you have called for an economic community from Lisbon to Vladivostok for almost four years. It would be the economic basis for the“common European home”. Ukraine could make a perfect bridge for future cooperation between your intended Eurasian Union and the European Union, not least in cultural terms. We are persuaded that the purpose of the massive influence of the USA is to prevent the Ukraine from becoming such a bridge. The forces which have prevailed in the European Commission are supporting the policy of the United States against Russia.

“The aggression against Russia always comes from the West, Germany should exercise restraint.”

I Just Knew That Oettinger Pils Would Win

April 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Beer, Bier, German Beer Day, Germans, Germany, Oettinger Pils, Tag des Deutschen Bieres Leave a comment

Not Krombacher, not Bitburger, not Beck’s, not Warsteiner.

Oettinger Pils is Germany’s favorite beer.

Nope, I never heard of it either, but on “German Beer Day” anything can happen, I guess. Do they have to taste test those 5000 different brands of German beer, too?

Jahr für Jahr wird der Erlass des bayerischen Reinheitsgebotes aus dem Jahr 1516 gefeiert. Mittlerweile gibt es in Deutschland über 5000 verschiedene Biersorten. Der durchschnittliche Pro-Kopf-Konsum von Bier lag im vergangenen Jahr in Deutschland bei etwas über 100 Litern.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Heconomy