Category Archives: High Art

Republicans Hurting European Feelings Again

January 9, 2012 By in Habitudes, Helections, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

And when they’re not doing that they’re hurting each other’s feelings – by calling each another too European. Yikes. Talk about hitting below the belt (but somebody’s got to do it).

It’s a scandal or something. And I’m shocked, I guess (I really thought they would have more powerful stuff than this). But some of these are pretty good, actually:

“Obama wants to turn the US into a European welfare state.”

“I don’t believe in Europe. I believe in America.”

“I don’t think Europe is working in Europe. I know it won’t work here.”

“You want to see America after the Obama administration is through, just read up on Greece.”

“Obama has a European social democratic vision.”

“American elites are guided by their desire to emulate the European elites. As a result, anti-religious values and principles are coming to dominate the academic, news media and judicial class in America.”

“The president said he wants to fundamentally transform America. I kind of like America. I’m not looking for it to be fundamentally transformed into something else. I don’t want it to become like Europe.”

Recently, RC Hammond, the spokesman for Newt Gingrich’s campaign, commented on Mitt Romney’s alleged support for a value added tax. “The fact that he’s willing to look at European Socialism shows just how far out of the conservative mainstream he is.”

Nix Flashmob Here, Buddy

December 15, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

As Wikipedia informs us, a flash mob (or flashmob) “is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, artistic expression.”

Well, Munich officials clearly aren’t in the mood for entertainment, satire or artistic expression these days (it is Christmas season here after all, bah, humbug) and are threatening with 1000 euro fines anyone who decides to follow a Facebook flashmob call to stand still at the city’s famous Marienplatz for five full minutes this coming Saturday.

It’s pretty clear that they don’t want the flashmob to interfere with the Christmas mob because this could lead to mob warfare and we all know who would win that one, right? Man do I ever pity the flashmobbing fool who gets in the way of those folks.

Uns geht es nicht um das Stehenbleiben, sondern um Blockaden.

Toss Out Them There German Wetbacks Now!

November 20, 2011 By in Habeas Corpus, Helplessness, High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Well it’s about freakin’ time somebody did something about the German illegal alien menace to the U s of A, I say.

Go Alabama. Run with it. That state’s tough new law targeting illegal immigrants seems to be working even better than expected. A German Mercedes-Benz manager thought he’d try and outsmart us (as in US) by driving around the countryside without a proper driver’s license. When an officer of the law stopped him and asked to see one, the German tried pulling a fast one by pulling out his namby-pamby German identification card. Needless to say he was immediately arrested and taken downtown for questioning (if there is such a thing as downtown in Alabama).

Dumm gelaufen (tough luck), pal. We ain’t the boy scouts here, mein Freund. We’re the Alabama State Police.

The 46-year-old executive was charged with violating the immigration law for not having proper identification, but he was released after an associate retrieved his passport, visa and German driver’s license from the hotel where he was staying.

British Selfish, Germans Bossy

November 18, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, History, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

British Prime Minister David Cameron just can’t wait to visit German Chancellor Angela Merkel in Berlin today. Honest.

They really like each other. Really. Despite the clashing views on the euro and the suspicion and the reproaches and the German bashing and the Schadenfreude and those behind the scenes upbraids and the secret plans and those numerous ugly encounters on the football field (some call it soccer) we have all had to watch because we just can’t look away.

Geez. Why can’t everybody be more down-to-earth and even-keeled and well-liked like us Americans?

“We are sick of you criticizing us.”

What Do Bushido, Bambi And Heino Have In Common?

November 14, 2011 By in High Art, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I’m not sure, but whatever it is has got to be bizarre.

Bambi is not Bambi here, it’s an award. Heino, however, is Heino. And so is Bushido (as in being Bushido). They are both singers, kind of. Heino is now like way totally beleidigt (offended) because Bushido got a Bambi (the award) and has now sent his (Heino’s) back in protest. Heino thinks that Bushido is not volkstümlich (folksy) enough, I think, and Heino of all people should know what volkstümlich enough is or not. Bushido, being a criminal German Hip-Hop kinda guy with the bad lyrics and all that, was born offended. So now everybody is happy, I think. Hey, this is Schau business or something.

“Ich bin zutiefst empört, dass man einem gewalttätigen Kriminellen wie Bushido den Bambi verleiht. Mit diesem Mann möchte ich nicht auf eine Stufe gestellt werden.”

Staunch Communist Seeking Deluded Socialist For Meaningful Progressive Relationship, Common Starry-Eyed Idealist Undertakings And Hot Passionate Sex

November 13, 2011 By in Hard Facts, High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

And just when you thought the Left Party freak show couldn’t get any freakier.

Now when former Left Party boss Oskar Lafontaine and Sahra “The Stalinist” Wagenknecht aren’t working on plans to redistribute other people’s wealth and ensure that the means of other people’s production are at the service of the whole of society, they’re – you might want to look away here – gettin’ it on.

Like how revolting can revolution get?

“Es ist alles gesagt.”

Colonization From Outer Space Denied

November 8, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Although the Obama administration has taken the time and effort to officially announce that the US government currently has no credible evidence backing up the claim that aliens have secretly colonized our planet, other sources point to a secret economic colonization of Europe now taking place by Germans, like currently already, as we speak so to speak.

These sources say: What we are witnessing is the economic colonisation of Europe by stealth by the Germans.

Once, it would have taken an invading military force to topple the leadership of a European nation. Today, it can be done through sheer economic pressure: it might be that within a few days the Germans — along with their French allies — will have secured regime change in the two most tiresome countries in the eurozone (Greece and Italy).

Perhaps the Germans, as the new masters of Europe, have been lulled into a false sense of security by Ireland’s response to the savage austerity measures imposed upon it in return for its bailout.

But there’s more: “Opinion polls now indicate more than 50% of the American people believe there is an alien-like German presence secretly taking over Europe and more than 80% believe the government is not telling the truth about this phenomenon. The people have a right to know. The people can handle the truth.”

So stay tuned or something.

Bank Bad But Accounting Worse

October 31, 2011 By in Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

This is government regulation in action, folks. Nationalize the banks? You betcha. State-owned banks are clearly the way to go.

“Germany is €55bn richer than it previously thought because of an accounting error at state-owned bank Hypo Real Estate Holding.” You see? The government really can make money out of nothing (and the chicks for free).

To be fair though, what’s 55 billion euros these days? And this mistake could have happened to anybody: “Collateral for derivatives wasn’t netted between the asset and liability side.” In other words, a government expert mixed up the + with the -.

The finance spokesman didn’t directly comment on the accounting error.

A Leaner Non-Fighting Force

October 27, 2011 By in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Germany has announced 31 military base closures and the significant scaling back of 90 others as part of a major overhaul of the country’s armed forces which everybody here knows will never be used in any real combat situations anyway.

“Cuts or not, the German military must remain able to not deploy in an entire range of situations,” one high-ranking, unnamed Bundeswehr official said.

“This includes in particular missions in dangerous armed conflicts as well as high-intensity combat missions our government will regularly forbid us to participate in.”

When asked if these cuts might have a negative effect upon German defense industry firms involved in the extremely lucrative production of systems like the Eurofighter combat jet, the A400M military transport plane and the Leopard 2 and Puma tanks, to name just a very few, the official reassured all who cared to listen that the German military will do all in its power to seek other options to extend the orders for such weapons and will most certainly continue to order more of the same in the future.

“Our function as alibi army for the German defense and weapons export industry will continue to be our number one priority,” the official said, clicking his heels loudly or something.

The elimination of the draft will require making a career in the military more attractive in a country where part of the population is skeptical of military interventions. Germany didn’t support the international campaign in Libya.