Berlinale Increases Security To Protect Crappy Films

February 2, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, Berlinale, Film, Film Festivals, German, Germans, Germany, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, Satire, Security, Terror, Terrorists Leave a comment

With the threat of terrorist attacks in Europe on the rise, organizers at the Berlin International Film Festival are worried that frustrated patrons might actually take action for once and are beefing up security big time this year.

“All measures essential to ensure the safety of these pretentious films of ours from any possible attacks carried out by radicalized festivalgoers and other unwanted guests are being implemented as we speak,” a spokesperson said, more like snarled. “Albeit in an inconspicuous and unobtrusive manner. Not like the way we organize the rest of our awful festival, I mean.”

Wird es auch spezielle Vorführungen für Flüchtlinge geben?

Water Now At Ankle Level

January 31, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, CDU/CSU, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Politics, Polls, Popularity, Refugees Leave a comment

And rising, captain.

The chancellor and her party’s (and partner party’s) popularity poll ratings: Not wirklich (really) so good at the moment. Some think this might possibly maybe have something to do with her refugee policy.

A current election poll indicates that the popularity of the Union (CDU/CSU) has dropped to its lowest level since July, 2012. The weekly “Sunday trend” by the Emnid opinion research institute taken for the “Bild am Sonntag” newspaper indicates that the CDU and the CSU now have an approval rating of only 34 percent, two percentage points lower than the previous week.

Die Union kommt in einer aktuellen Wahlumfrage auf den schlechtesten Wert seit Juli 2012. Im Emnid-“Sonntagstrend”, den das Meinungsforschungsinstitut wöchentlich für die “Bild am Sonntag” erhebt, erreichen CDU und CSU nur noch 34 Prozent, zwei Prozentpunkte weniger als in der Vorwoche.

Alles wie Immer*

January 29, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Hype, Journalism, Keywords, Language, Media, Refugees Leave a comment

When it comes to reliable news sources, I mean – ‘Refugee’: A keyword that gets German media every time.

Let’s see. Here’s what’s coming out of German media outlets these days: A dead refugee who isn’t, a thirteen-year-old girl raped by refugees who wasn’t and a hand grenade attack at a refugee facility done with a hand grenade that doesn’t explode… Tell me when to stop or something.

Police said the grenade still contained its explosives but it was not clear whether it still had a detonator. Forensics experts are investigating.

* alles wie immer means the same as always.

You Can Only Buy So Much Pepper Spray

January 28, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Gun control, Guns, Language, Refugees, Self-Defense, Sweden Leave a comment

Damn. These are gettin’ to be purty near amerikanische Verhältnisse, folks.

For weeks arms sellers and regulatory agencies have seen increased demand for gun permits. Enrollment in self-defense courses is also up. Police say that is not yet a problem…

Germany has strict gun laws which stipulate that weapons may only be purchased under very specific circumstances. But with the so-called small arms permit, citizens are allowed to own weapons, such as gas cartridge guns or signal pistols. These may also be carried outside the home. The permit costs between 50 and 60 euros and the only restriction is that the applicant be a minimum 18 years of age.

PS: Dead refugee who died waiting in line outside a Berlin government office yesterday turned out to be not nearly as dead as originally reported. Uh, why is everyone in Germany prepared to believe a story like that and nobody wants to hear about a story like this?

And speaking of Sweden…

German Angst Is Back?

January 27, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Migrants, Refugees 1 Comment

What do you mean, back? Did it like step out for a quick cigarette when nobody was looking or something? I certainly never saw it leave.

I mean, Germans have angst when they don’t even need to have any angst (it’s “the German lifeblood“). That’s why they qualify German ‘angst’ with the ‘German’ part. They’re sure as hell going to have some angst whenever there’s a good reason to have angst. Talk about your no-brainer.

Here, help me answer these:

– Do we react more skittishly to change than others?

– What unnerves the Germans so much about this large influx of refugees? Is it fear of terror, or concern about rising crime, or diluting the culture?

– Are we being overcome by a fear of the future?

– Is there a typical anxious German?

– Is the political landscape in Germany fundamentally changing?

I’m glad you asked me that, Deutsche Welle. The answer here is, of course, yes.

Speaking Of Driving…

January 26, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Health, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Der Spiegel, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Merkel, Migrants, Refugees, Sedation 1 Comment

I don’t think the question they should be asking here is “What is driving Angela Merkel?”

It ought to be “What kind of industrial strength hallucinogenics is she on at the moment and where can I get some, please?” Let’s face it, folks. Whatever that stuff is it’s working REAL GOOD.

Or maybe they’re just really, really, really strong sedatives?

Chancellor Angela Merkel spent a decade amassing political capital. Now, with the refugee crisis showing no signs of abating, she has decided to spend it. With her legacy in the balance, she has finally found an issue to fight for. But why now?

Germany Not Personality-Driven?

January 25, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Angela Merkel, German, Germans, Germany, Leadership, Migrants, Politics, Refugees Leave a comment

Not off the cliff yet, you mean? Let’s stay tuned.

One potential explanation for Merkel’s boldness is that the German political system offers more shelter from public opinion than some others, particularly the American one, according to David Art, a political-science professor at Tufts University who focuses on comparative politics. In Germany’s “plodding” parliamentary democracy, political parties stand between the public and politicians. They choose which politicians to place on the ballot rather than relying on primary elections as in the United States. “Germany did not want to have, after Hitler, any sort of [personality-driven political] system,” Art said…

“Merkel needs success in the European negotiations about how to split the immigrants to different countries. If they find a way to organize immigration … then she won’t have to pay a price.”

Good luck with that.

German Of The Day: Antanzdiebstahl

January 24, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Cologne, Crime, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Migrants, Pickpockets, Refugees, Thieves Leave a comment

Antanzan = to “dance” up, as in to show up, make an appearance. Diebstahl = theft or robbery.

Antanzen + Diebstahl = Antanzdiebstahl. This new German word refers to a new method of pickpocket robbery that certain new arrival-types to Germany are now using all across the country, “a type of con in which thieves approach victims and hug or otherwise surprise them, with the aim of distracting them in order to pick their pockets.”

Sex attacks and thefts like the ones that happened in Cologne on New Year’s Eve were also reported in 12 other German states, German media say. The information comes from a leaked report of the federal criminal police.

The Freak Show Must Go On

January 22, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin Fashion Week, Berlin Mode Salon, Catwalks, Fashion, German, Germans, Germany, Language 4 Comments

Runway? No way. Me prefer run away instead.

At the Berliner Mode Salon, a sub-event at Berlin Fashion Week , established and young German designers are putting their best face, and designs, forward.

But remember to wear some Mundschutz (a surgical mask) if you attend, folks. There’s some really gross sounding contagious disease spreading like wildfire over there. It’s called gender fluidity. And I, for one, DO NOT want anybody to tell me how I can tell if my fluidity has become gender or not.

Gender fluidity is at the heart of Berlin’s style, ethos, and history. Unisex garments, cross-dressing, and celebrations of androgyny have been prevailing statements in Berlin’s ateliers and on its streets since the city’s cultural inception.

Germany Overall Best Country In Overall Best Of All Possible Worlds

January 21, 2016 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Guide For Refugees, Guidebooks, Humor, Immigration, Polls, Refugees, Surveys 3 Comments

But they still won’t let you do this here:

Forget about trying this, too:

Germany was ranked the overall best country in the world, according to the rankings released by US News & World Report on Wednesday…

Algeria was perceived as the worst country of the 60, with Ukraine and Iran rated just above.

And always remember: “Please don’t poop in showers.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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