Thriving, Struggling, Suffering

Although not necessarily in that order.

Germans are notorious pessimists, as you know. And they’re always bitching and moaning, especially when they don’t have anything to bitch and moan about. Take this latest Gallup survey, for instance:

“The 4 in 10 Germans who rated their lives highly enough to be considered “thriving” throughout 2011 was lower than in 2010.”

That could have been a whole lot worse, though. I’ve been living here so long that the first time I read that sentence I swear I was sure it read

“The 4 in 10 Germans who rated their lives highly enough to be considered “LIVING” throughout 2011 was lower than in 2010.”

Come on Germany, you’re giving me a complex. Go out there and live a little already!

In addition, the percentage of Germans who are “suffering” ticked up slightly in the fourth quarter of 2011, amid escalating economic turmoil in the eurozone.

Berlin Fashion Weak

Hell if I know if they’ll be presenting this elegant ensemble at this year’s freak, I mean show.
 
All I know is that German fashion (or any other kind of fashion, for that matter) is clearly way too deep for me.

Neben zahlreichen Messen, darunter die Premium am Gleisdreieck, bietet die Fashion Week viel Klatsch und Tratsch bei Empfängen und Partys.

Ich wulffe, du wulffst, er/sie/es wulfft…

Not that anybody out there knows who the German President is or could really care less if they did, but a new German verb has just entered the language (in his honor?) referring to, well, referring to what, anyway?

The new German verb refers to the manner in which scandal-plagued President Christian Wulff has sought to manage revelations that he accepted a favourable home loan from a businessman, holidayed at the villas of the wealthy and left a threatening message for the editor of Bild newspaper.

It’s called wulffen and actually has two meanings (at least two), according to the director of the German Language Association in Dortmund. The first is to talk on and on unprompted. The second means to be evasive about a particular issue without actually telling a lie.

Damn. I really had no idea that politicians the world over have actually been wulffen with me the whole time.

“It means something in-between.”

Nix Flashmob Here, Buddy

As Wikipedia informs us, a flash mob (or flashmob) “is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, artistic expression.”

Well, Munich officials clearly aren’t in the mood for entertainment, satire or artistic expression these days (it is Christmas season here after all, bah, humbug) and are threatening with 1000 euro fines anyone who decides to follow a Facebook flashmob call to stand still at the city’s famous Marienplatz for five full minutes this coming Saturday.

It’s pretty clear that they don’t want the flashmob to interfere with the Christmas mob because this could lead to mob warfare and we all know who would win that one, right? Man do I ever pity the flashmobbing fool who gets in the way of those folks.

Uns geht es nicht um das Stehenbleiben, sondern um Blockaden.

Ick bin ein Obama!

“Obama and I have very much in common.”

“We are both really good-looking, we are both congenial and we are both able to unleash hype like this. Both of us are very good speakers, we both have leftest ideological positions which we can in no way ever implement and which, I believe, will eventually bring us both to despair.”

Inhalte überwinden!”

More Advancement For The Elite!

Of the Elitists?

PARTEI” is an acronym for Partei für Arbeit, Rechtsstaat, Tierschutz, Elitenförderung und basisdemokratische Initiative (Party for Work, Rule-of-Law, Protection of Animals, Advancement of Elites, and Grassroot-Democratic Initiative). At the same time, “Partei” is German for party. Usage of the definite article (“die PARTEI”) is evocative of totalitarian parties (see Socialist Unity Party of Germany and National Socialist German Workers Party) and is therefore a tongue-in-cheek reference to the totalitarian ambitions of the founders of “Die PARTEI”.

“I got a million of them, folks!”

“Europe and Germany have no better partner than America,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel said as she opened her transatlantic alliance comedy routine at the White House last night. “Wish I could say it was the same the other way around, too!”

“Ha, ha. Do you know how many Germans it takes to change a light bulb? Zero. After shutting down eight nuclear power plants we don’t need to change them anymore.”

“Hey, did you hear the one about these two Greeks working in a bank office? The one guy tells the other one that there`s a German debt collector waiting outside. The other guy says: Then tell him to get his ass in here and take that pile on my desk.”
 
“How many gears would a German tank have if it were to accidently take part in a UN-backed military action in Libya which Germany would most certainly have obstained from voting for in the Security Council beforehand? Five. Four reverse and one foward, just in case the enemy were to attack from the rear!”

“You’ve been wonderful, folks. See you tomorrow night! Drive carefully. Unless it’s a Benz, I mean.”

“Wann geht es denn endlich los?”

Anarchists these days. Like where’s the action already?

Scores of riot tourists in Berlin and Hamburg are now demanding their money back after violent clashes between anarchist hot heads and the Polizei failed to materialize last night.

“And this is supposed to be unbridled chaos?” asked one disappointed Berlin visitor. “I’ve seen more action at a funeral parlor. We’ve been waiting around here half the night and not a single Benz is burning. Anywhere. Berlin is poor but sexy, huh? Well it’s boring too.”

Sehr zum Unmut vieler Schaulustiger bleibt es dann an diesem Abend im Schanzenviertel weitgehend ruhig. Bei Bier und Cocktails warten sie darauf, dass Autonome sich mit der Polizei anlegen. “Wann geht es denn endlich los”, fragt ein Mädchen in engen Jeans und braunen Lederstiefeln ihren Begleiter im Polohemd. Eine Digitalkamera baumelt an ihrem Handgelenk.

Fossil Fools

In Japan, we have seen mighty tectonic shifts, with tragic effects. In Germany, teutonic plates have been swirling around uncontrollably, and the country has undergone a nuclear U-turn at the hand of Angela Merkel, the normally iconically-cool Chancellor.

But now for something completely different: German energy puns.

Boy I tell ya, when it comes to shutting down nuclear power plants these Germans really know what’s watt.

I just heard all the German nuclear physicists have gone fission.

I guy I talked to says that now that they’ve shut down all these nuclear plants they’re gonna re-fuse to start them back up again.

Green? Why Germans are so green these days that they’ve resorted to planting light bulbs. They want to see if power plants will grow.

You know why wind power is so popular in this country? It has a lot of fans.

You know what they are going to call a power failure here pretty soon, don’t you? A current event.

I ran into this silly old German Green the other day. Man, talk about a fossil fool.

During the past week, the Germans have not set a good example, casting away logic and apparently deciding future energy policy on the basis of an emotional spasm rather than a clearly-thought out strategy.