Next Imaginary Crocodile Sighting Underway

July 9, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Alligators, Berlin, Crocodiles, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Monsters, Paranoia, Satire, Scary Animals, Wild Animal Sightings, Wild Animals Leave a comment

Germans are totally tierlieb (fond of animals). Especially when they are the exotic and preferably dangerous kind of Tier they regularly think they see but never manage to find lurking about in the German Wildnis (wilderness).

This time it’s another crocodile, somewhere near Regensburg (with an emphasis on the crock here, folks). A guy out on a walk and “a lady on an air mattress” both saw the horrible creature so we can be sure that this time the danger is clear and present.

These are obligatory annual sightings, by the way. I don’t know why that it, but you have to have at least one here every summer. It has to do with the infamous German Sommerloch (which is just about to start), I think, but that’s another story.

Die Polizei in Bayern hat mit Schlauchbooten, Tauchern und sogar einem Hubschrauber nach einem Krokodil in einem Badesee gesucht – bisher erfolglos.

172 Economists Can’t Be Wrong

July 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Banking, Berlin, Debt, Economics, Economists, Economy, German, Germans, Germany, The Euro, The Euro Crisis, The Euro Zone 1 Comment

Right? Right.

We have to approach this differently, folks. Pick an economist. Pick five. Find one that has ever been right. When it comes to dire warnings about the future, I mean.

Sure, I don’t like the idea of Angela Merkel deciding “to agree to allow eurozone bail-out funds to support sinner states” either, but if 172 economists are all hot and bothered about it, then maybe it wasn’t such a bad decision after all.

“First of all, this is about better banking supervision, and one can only say that that is urgently necessary.”

Underground Fashion Goes Underground

July 5, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, High Art, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Berlin Fashion Week, Fashion, Fashion Models, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Models, Satire 1 Comment

Now if only it would stay there.

Damn. This is becoming quite a ritual (yawn). But this is just what folks at Berlin Fashion Week do, so deal with it. Thirty-four models, four hundred passengers and seventeen labels on one subway train, what’s that get you? An underground catwalk – for the seventh time now already. Sheesh.

“This year is all about kitschy kitsch.”

What Germans Want

July 4, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hi-tech, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Artificial Insemination, Berlin, Bestiality, Drugs, Genocide, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Polls, Satire, Sex, Surveys 1 Comment

An online German government poll has just found out that Germans want legalized dope, a ban on sex with animals, more home births, a ban on genocide denial and more affordable artificial insemination, although not necessarily in that order.

Of course nobody asked how they would feel about the possibility of getting rid of online polls like these one day, but give them some time.

The online poll is part of an ongoing government initiative called “Dialogue on the Future” that aims to get ordinary Germans thinking about how to improve life in Germany.

PS: And in another survey it turns out that 57.6 of German women asked would rather watch “Sex and the City” (TV) than have sex.

Inferiority Superiority Complex

July 3, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Economics, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Greece, Humor, Imports, Psychology, Satire, The EU, The Euro, The Euro Zone Leave a comment

North, south. Inferiority, superiority. It’s all the same to me.

Germans export more to their European partners than they consume, benefiting from this asymmetrical situation even as they expect everyone else to be exporters and savers like them.

You Gotta Have Swine

June 29, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, High Art, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: Animals, Euro 2012, Football, German, German Sayings, Germans, Germany, Humor, Oracles, Pigs, Satire, Soccer, Sports Leave a comment

And the Germans didn’t have much swine last night when Italy trounced them in the Euro 2012 semi-finals 2:1.

Having pig (Schwein haben) means to have a stroke of luck, you see. And Emma the pig up there (no relation to Arnold Ziffel) knew it all along, if you can beleive that. Which I don’t.

In the race to emulate Paul the Octopus’ World Cup predicting perfection of two years ago, Emma the Mangalitsa pig from Freiburg, Germany, vaulted into sole possession of the lead on Thursday evening.

Germany vs. Italy

June 28, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Dives, Euro 2012, Flopping, Football, Germany, Humor, Italy, Schwalben, Soccer, Sports Leave a comment

Let the Schwalben (diving) begin!

I say… It’ll be Germany 3 : Italy 1. Either points or dives, I’m not sure yet.

Circumcision Decision Causing Division

June 27, 2012 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Circumcision, Courts, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jews, Law, Limericks, Muslims, Religion, Ritual, Satire, Tradition 5 Comments

And may need a revision.

Leaders of Germany’s Jewish and Muslim communities have criticized a court ruling they fear could make circumcision a punishable offense in the country.

Talk about having short vision.

German courts need more tight supervision.

There was no provision for all the derision now caused by that little incision.

“This is an unprecedented and dramatic intrusion on the right to self-determination of religious communities.”

Are We Having A European Lifestyle Yet?

June 26, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Debt, German, Germans, Germany, The EU, The Euro, The Euro Crisis, The Euro Zone, The Financial Crisis Leave a comment

Is this the end of “the European way of life” as we know it?

European leaders have been muddling through instead of properly tackling the debt crisis. Now it threatens the very foundations of the European Union and could destroy a lifestyle that millions of Europeans take for granted.

Funny. I thought taking things for granted was what the European lifestyle was all about.

“We need fiscal discipline because we have a debt problem… No euro bonds as long as I live.”

I Need Your Clothes, Your Boots And Your Motorcycle

June 21, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Economy, Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Manufacturing, The EU, The Euro Crisis, The Euro Zone, The Terminator 1 Comment

Is it termination time yet? For the booming German economy, I mean?

The Spiegel says: German manufacturing activity has hit a three-year low and export orders have also seen a big drop. This data suggests that the crisis is starting to hit the previously robust German economy.

Hasta la vista, baby? Maybe.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hysteria