Somebody Call The Tradition Commission!

December 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Bureaucracy, Bureaucrats, German, Germans, Germany, Government Meddling, Government Waste, Lead, New Year's Eve, Silvester, Tradition Leave a comment

Oh, they’ve contacted you already? Good. Whew.

Tradition can be a dangerous thing, folks. Just look at the old German New Year’s Eve custom of Bleigießen – telling fortunes by the shapes made when molten lead is dropped into cold water. Awful. As you can well imagine, countless millions have been maimed or died in the process. And did you know that they actually do this without proper supervision in the privacy of their own homes?

Thank goodness the EU is here to help. A new European Union directive has finally been enacted that prohibits this dangerous practice once and for all. Tonight will be the last time Germans will be allowed to recklessly place their lives and the lives of their children in danger.

This kind of stuff gets me right here. I really get emotional. Today the lead, tomorrow Santa Claus. The EU marches on.

Happy New Year!

Bye, bye, Blei: Im Zuge der neuen Chemikalienverordnung der EU müssen die Deutschen ab 2018 auf das Bleigießen an Silvester verzichten.

PS: Remember to be extra careful with those Polish firecrackers tonight, people.

While Russia Simulates Bombing Germany…

December 20, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Military, NATO, Russia, Tax Reform, Taxes, Threats, USA, ZAPAD Leave a comment

The Germans are up in arms about Donald Trump’s tax code overhaul in US-Amerika.

I don’t make this stuff up. It’s all about setting priorities, people. One has to stay focussed on the real dangers facing Germany out there today. Getting annihlated by Russia would be unfortunate, for sure, but the American President handing out “a Christmas present that the majority does not even want” is just too damned much to stomach.

Who knows? That could even give taxpayers in Germany ideas about getting tax breaks over here. Nah. Believe me, it couldn’t.

Das Verhältnis des Westen zu Russland ist seit der Krim-Krise stark belastet. Eine Entspannung ist nicht in Sicht. Nun soll das russische Militär in einem großen Militärmanöver namens “Sapad” die Einnahme Westeuropas geübt haben.

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We Worry

December 12, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hysteria Tags: Angst, Climate, Climate Change, German, Germans, Germany, Polls, Surveys, Worry 6 Comments

People living in Germany are the most worried about climate change, according to new analysis of 18 countries published this week.

The National Centre for Social Research (NatCen) examined data collected by the European Social Survey on public attitudes to climate change of 16 European countries, Russia and Israel.

Of these 18 countries, it found Germans are the most concerned, with 44% “very or “extremely” worried about climate change. At the other end of the spectrum, just 15% of Poles say they are “very or “extremely” worried.

Meanwhile… Chaos hits European flights as snow snarls major hubs. Germans worry about that kind of stuff, too. They’re always leaving Germany in the winter to escape the cold weather.

Der Winter hat in vielen Teilen Deutschlands zu chaotischen Zuständen geführt. In einigen Regionen zählte die Polizei in der Nacht zum Montag Hunderte Einsätze.

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Bundeswehr Showing More Transparency

November 12, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hype, Hysteria Tags: Bundeswehr, German, Germans, Germany, NATO, Officers, Trans, Transgender 1 Comment

Frustrated by the low number of women interested in becoming officers in the German army, the Bundeswehr has decided to once again lead from behind and has begun transitioning some of the few male officers it has (this is the German Army, after all) into the female kind.

Thought to be a transgression up until very recently, these officers, mostly active as translators or in the transportation division, will be transferred after transformation to the transnational and transcultural Transall troops currently stationed in Transylvania where they will study, among other things, transcendental meditation (this is the German army, after all).

Or so the transcript I’ve read. It was a transliteration, however. End of transmission already.

„Wir haben hier einen Frauenanteil von nur fünf Prozent.“

PS: The female officer in the picture is the big guy on the left.

OMG We’re All Gonna Die

November 6, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Der Spiegel, Donald Trump, German, Germans, Germany, Hype, Journalism, Media 3 Comments

Again. And again and again and again already. This must be the one year anniversary special or something.

Here’s some more of that high-class and balanced Spiegel journalism we have all grown so accustomed to. Jeepers. How can anybody hyperventilate this long? Just a few key terms here will tell you all you need to know about this article (and you thought some folks got carried away with their tweets):

“moral emptiness”
“the erosion of American greatness”
“existential threat to the American Republic”
“nuclear brinkmanship with North Korea”
“erratic belligerence”
“frayed to the breaking point”
“like Britain’s perverse flight from the European Union”
“a blow-up-the-system mood”
“the ultimate provocateur”
“Trump’s ‘America First’ is a slogan of impeccable fascist pedigree”

“After a year of MAGA, it has become clear that a disaster is unfolding whose consequences for humanity and decency will be substantial.”

And He Joined Forces With Bigfoot

November 1, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, High Art, Hysteria Tags: CIA, Conspiracy Theories, Fake News, German, Germans, Germany, Hitler Leave a comment

Adolf Hitler ‘Escaped Germany And Fled To Colombia’ Claims Report In Declassified CIA Document

And he joined forces with Bigfoot, like I said, and got help from the Reptilians, too, to conspire to assaisnate JFK. After which they faked the moon landing along with the Iluminati and planned the attacks on 9/11 as an inside job. But before that they released the Hitler diaries over there at the the Stern.

SS-Mann berichtete Agenten, Hitler habe als Adolf Schüttelmayer in Kolumbien gelebt.

US-Amerika To Penetrate Germany Again Tonight

October 31, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Cultural Imperialism, Culture, German, Germans, Germany, Halloween, Martin Luther, Polls, Protestantism, Reformation Day, Religion, Surveys Leave a comment

“They see it as just one more example of American commercial penetration*.”

Popular as it is, many people are vehemently against Halloween in their countries, whether it be religious objections or fears of cultural imperialism.

It may be a bit of both in Germany, where 48 percent of respondents in the 2017 YouGov survey said the spooky holiday is a U.S. import that displaces German culture. October 31 is Reformation Day in Germany, and commemorates the day when Martin Luther launched Europe’s Protestant Reformation.

So on that happy note, Happy Halloween everyone! Whatever holiday you might be celebrating tonight.

Fast 50 Prozent der Deutschen glauben, Halloween sei ein US-Import, der die deutsche Kultur gefährde. Fakt ist, dass der Brauch ursprünglich aus Irland stammt.

*Psst. Don’t spoil everybody’s fun by explaining that Halloween originated in Ireland.

He Opened The Door For Me

October 29, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Humor, Hype, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: German, Germans, Germany, Harvey Weinstein, Hype, Media, Men, Polls, Sexual Harassment, Surveys, Women Leave a comment

“And this other creep said he liked my new Frisur (hairstyle).”

German men would never do that, of course. They just grab knees and do other more direct kind of sexually harassing stuff like that. And they’re apparently pretty fleißig (diligent) at it, too.

One in two women in Germany has experienced some form of sexual harassment, a new YouGov survey showed. The poll comes amid global outrage over sexual assault allegations against Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein.

Only one in two? No way. I get globally outraged myself just reading that. Why don’t they just print the truth as it is meant to be and say that all German women have been sexually harassed (or at least all of them will have been very soon – we’ve only got two hands, ladies) and just move on already. To the next global outrage, I mean.

“In 20 years of show business I’ve never been sexually harassed by a man. But that is probably because I find sexual advances from men basically enjoyable and see them as compliments, not as harassment.”

Write This Down

October 19, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hype, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: Alarms, Bees, Drama, German, Germans, Germany, Hysteria, Insects, Panic 1 Comment

Let’s do some science and write this down.

New study suggests insect populations have declined by 75% over 3 decades…

A new scientific study has found “dramatic” and “alarming” declines in insect populations in areas in Germany, which researchers say could have far-reaching consequences for the world’s crop production and natural ecosystems.

The science will consist of getting back to me in a year or two, maybe three, if we’re all still around, that is, and reminding me to check into the current numbers about the status of this dramatic decline. You know, just to see how dramatic the dramatic decline was after all? This clearly has the ozone hole, acid rain, Waldsterben (dying forests), BSE (mad cow disease), bird flu, SARS, Elektrosmog (mobile phone radiation), killer bee invasion, drowning polar bears, Ebola pandemic, creepy clowns, chemtrails, creepy clown chemtrails, C02, C02, C02 and Area freakin’ 51 written all over it. If you know what I mean. And you do.

“There’s no reason to think this isn’t happening everywhere.”

Right-Wing Leftie? Left-Wing Rightie?

October 18, 2017 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Crying, Fits, German, Germans, Germany, Girls, Hysteria, Political Parties, Politics, Pouting, Resignations, The Left Party, Women 2 Comments

Let’s call the whole thing off.

Here is another tough, emancipated woman in action. Left party crazy Sahra Wagenknecht just heuled (cried) her way through her latest power struggle to stay on top – of her party, of course (they wanted to calm her down a bit because she was going too far right and starting to sound like regular folks on the street – with regard to refugees, for instance).

But how did she do it? By pouting and getting all teary-eyed and hysterical and howling about being mobbed and threatening to resign and leave the party if she didn’t get her way. Wow. I never saw a woman pull that one before. How refreshing. Somebody has to be a trend setter, I guess.

Kipping legt gegen Wagenknecht nach: “Souverän geht anders.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hysteria