Last Man Standing

Only she’s a girl.

Merkel

You have called Angela Merkel the modern-day empress of the eurozone. What do you mean?

The title empress reflects, in my view, two realities of present-day Europe. First, the Germans look so strong because the others look so weak. The British are withdrawing from Europe. The French are down but not out. They’re unable to rev up their economy – same thing for the Italians, same thing for the Spaniards. So, when you add it all up, who is the last man – or in this case, the last woman – standing?

The second reason is more concrete – the Germans have been in the vanguard of driving home fealty to the eurozone’s foundational treaties. These conventions enjoined member states, like Greece, not to overspend and over-borrow and, at the same time, to make their economies more efficient. Merkel and her finance minister are not austerity mongers as everybody is harping on about. They are committed to the original treaties’ stated rules that require eurozone members to reform their economies and become more competitive.

Zum ersten Mal seit 2005 könnte die Union einer Umfrage zufolge die absolute Mehrheit erreichen. Die Partei wäre mit 43 Prozent der Stimmen stärker als all anderen Parteien zusammen.

Germans Thrilled About Crappy TV Satire Nobody Watched Last Night

Or at least German Twittererers are.

Veronica

It was called “State Affair” and had to do with an affair (like a sex one) between two heads of state – the German Chancellor lady and the French President dude.

I dunno. Sounds pretty satirical to me. Should have worked. But apparently it didn’t.

Like one guy tweeted: “I don’t even buy Veronica Ferres playing the role of Veronica Ferres.”

Sex beim Gipfeltreffen: Veronica Ferres verliebt sich als deutsche Bundeskanzlerin in den französischen Präsidenten. Die TV-Satire “Die Staatsaffäre” beginnt und endet wie schlimmes Werbefernsehen. Zwischendurch amüsiert man sich aber prächtig.

Anti-Chancellor To Anti-Celebrate Her Anti-60th Birthday Tomorrow

And she’s been running the show here in Germany for about 40 of those sixty years too, I think. But don’t call her Anti, I mean Aunti. Her real name is Mutti.

Merkel

I’d wish you a happy birthday now, Frau Bundeskanzlerin, but Germans like you are very superstitious about doing that before the actual birthday takes place, so I won’t. But I’ll think it now anyway.

Das Talent der Angela Merkel, heraufziehende Chancen und Risiken zu erkennen und – ganz unabhängig von ihrer Überzeugung – opportun darauf zu reagieren, ist gut dokumentiert: beim nach Fukushima plötzlich betriebenen Atomausstieg, beim Ringen um Jean-Claude Juncker, als sie gleich mehrmals die Position wechselte, oder in der NSA-Affäre, in der sie zu Gunsten guter US-Beziehungen lange schwieg und auch angesichts der jüngsten Spionage-Skandale nur symbolisch handelt, um die Deutschen zu beruhigen.

Gerade die größten Erfolge der Kanzlerin bleiben bei einer derartigen Management-Methode unbesungen. Es sind jene Katastrophen, die nicht eingetreten sind, weil vorsichtiges, iteratives Agieren sie verhindert hat. Merkels größter Verdienst ist letztlich jene lang anhaltende Phase der Langeweile, an der Intellektuelle gerade wieder so lautstark leiden.

Gerd Knows Best

Ex-chancellor “Gazprom-Gerd” Schröder just can’t seem to sit still these days and has fired yet another salvo in his one-man undeclared unsolicited advice offensive.

Schroeder

He has now advised current chancellor Angela Merkel to leave office in a timely manner. For her own good, of course. And I, for one, certainly hope that she takes this advice to heart. If anybody out there knows about not having left office in a timely manner it’s this guy. In fact I think he should have left office a few days after having been elected. The first time, I mean. It would have only been for his own good, of course.

Gerhard Schröder—the former German chancellor, a man who said the Soviet Union of Leonid Brezhnev appeared more intent on peace than the Americans, and who since 2006 has been a Gazprom executive and Vladimir Putin’s chief shill among the countries of the European Union—has come up with a prescription for masking Moscow’s refusal to let Ukraine (or anyone else) leave Russia’s control and form an organic relationship with the West.

Goethe OK, But The EU ITSELF?

As if NSA surveillance, Google Street View (and Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, etc.), scary drone technology, unbridled imperialism, world domination and McDonald’s were not enough already, a well-intended leak has shown that American diplomats are now even using bad four-letter words when referring to the EU and other sacrosant international-like institutions, too.

FackjuGoethe

And the Chancellor HERSELF is really pissed off about this one this time. Eavesdropping on her cell phone is one thing, but using the F-word is “absolutely unacceptable.”

Of course, how German officials were even able to find out about the story is a bit of a mystery to me. The four-letter word in question is not allowed through their porno censorship system.

U.S. officials blamed Moscow for the Internet leak of recordings of Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland and the U.S. ambassador in Kiev discussing a possible future government for Ukraine, where Washington and Brussels back anti-Kremlin demonstrators.

PS: Talk about stealing candy from a baby. Thieves had no problem breaking into a Bundeswehr barracks in Seedorf (no, it’s not in Afghanistan) and stealing 28,000 rounds of ammunition.

 

We May Be Outraged (as usual) But We Ain’t Stupid

Grant political asylum to a Straftäter (criminal offender)? Not even Germany can pull that one off. Angie & Co. just said nein to this indistinct possibility.

Snowden

It was nice for leading figures in the German Outrage Industry to pretend like they could for fifteen minutes or so, I guess, but sooner or later even the best/worst of them have to come back down to Planet Earth again.

Die Voraussetzungen für eine Aufnahme des Whistleblowers lägen nicht vor, sagte Regierungssprecher Steffen Seibert.

PS: But it ain’t over till it’s over, Amerika. Vice President of German Parliament (one of six – nice work if you can get it) Claudia Roth HERSELF is still planning to press criminal charges or something. Someone is suspected of having actually listened once to what she said on her little green cellphone – eavesdropping-wise, I mean. And I pity the fool who gets in her way (thanks A.K.).

Claudia Roth

Some Things Never Change

And this is supposed to be news? “Berlin is the European capital for secret agents.”

Sorry

Or how about this one: “Most of the foreign agents active in Berlin enjoy diplomatic status and can therefore not be collared by German law enforcement authorities.”

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I’m living in Wunderland sometimes. In “the old days” everybody knew the deal and nobody ever even raised an eyebrow (“früher war alles besser“). Now everybody’s got hurt feelings all the time. I do wish someone would finally call their parents and have this all explained to them.

“Die meisten ausländischen Agenten, die in Berlin tätig sind, verfügen über einen Diplomatenstatus und sind damit für die deutschen Strafverfolgungsbehörden nicht fassbar.”

Take A Chill Pill, Angie

What, me worry?

Schmidt

All of Germany is outraged that the US intelligence service eavesdropped on Angela Merkel. But former Chancellor Helmut Schmidt has called for more calm. A chancellor must proceed on the assumption that he (or she) is being listened to.

„Das ging so weit, dass meine Gesprächspartner zunächst die Leute begrüßten, die irgendwo mithörten, und erst dann zum Thema kamen.”

NSA May Possibly Not Have Been The Very First Intelligence Agency Ever To Spy On Other Government Officials

This just in: The current German outrage about allegations that the NSA may have listened in on Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cell phone conversations may only just be the tip of the outrage iceberg.

Outrage

Non-American intelligence experts around the world are now indicating that this type of inexcusable practice may also have actually been carried out in the past by other non-American intelligence agencies “out there” and that no one seemed to care much or be all that terribly surprised about this type of thing at the time as this is of course the very reason why said intelligence agencies freakin’ exist in the first place Himmel Herrgott Sakra (for f#?!#’s sake)!

Here are just a few of these indiscrete intelligence expert observations:

“I am amazed by such disconcerting naiveté. You’d almost think our politicians don’t bother to read the reports they get from the intelligence services.”

“I can’t believe anyone is terribly surprised. I mean, every government in the world tries to collect the best info that it can and that’s true of the German, American, British, French and countries all over the world,”

“I was a government official for many years and I assumed my cellphone and my email account was susceptible to foreign intelligence services spying.”

“You get a picture of who is friends with who, and their friends of friends. It’s like Facebook – incredibly helpful if you want to sketch out a network of contacts.”

“This is par for the course. Countries eavesdrop on other countries. If you have Angela Merkel’s telephone number you will listen in to it if you can.”

“Finding out what other governments are thinking is what intelligence agencies do.”

NSA Not Monitoring Chancellor’s Cell Phone

Talk about your sleeper cell phone.

Handy

The Obama administration has denied that the NSA is monitoring the communications on chancellor Angela Merkel’s cell phone.

This was confirmed by NSA officials after Merkel had called to discuss the matter with Obama on her cell phone.

Merkel und Obama hätten in dem Telefonat übereingestimmt, die Kooperation der Geheimdienste beider Länder zu intensivieren.