500 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall, 500 Bottles Of Beer…

May 12, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Alcohol, Beer, Drinking, German, Germans, Germany, Health Leave a comment

And here I thought I was bad. And I am.

But Germans drink lots of booze, too. The Suffköppe (guzzlers).

According to a report by the World Health Organization, when it comes to alcohol consumption every German over 15 drinks the equivalent of 500 bottles of beer each year. They didn’t say how much the Germans under 15 drink.

Die Deutschen trinken unverändert viel Alkohol. Nach einem neuen Bericht der Weltgesundheitsorganisation (WHO) konsumierte jeder Deutsche über 15 Jahren im Jahr 2012 im Schnitt 11,8 Liter reinen Alkohol. Das entspricht gut 500 Flaschen Bier und ist ebenso viel wie zwischen 2008 und 2010.

I Just Knew That Oettinger Pils Would Win

April 23, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Higher Education, Home Cooking Tags: Beer, Bier, German Beer Day, Germans, Germany, Oettinger Pils, Tag des Deutschen Bieres Leave a comment

Not Krombacher, not Bitburger, not Beck’s, not Warsteiner.

Oettinger Pils is Germany’s favorite beer.

Nope, I never heard of it either, but on “German Beer Day” anything can happen, I guess. Do they have to taste test those 5000 different brands of German beer, too?

Jahr für Jahr wird der Erlass des bayerischen Reinheitsgebotes aus dem Jahr 1516 gefeiert. Mittlerweile gibt es in Deutschland über 5000 verschiedene Biersorten. Der durchschnittliche Pro-Kopf-Konsum von Bier lag im vergangenen Jahr in Deutschland bei etwas über 100 Litern.

Guinness Ist Gut For You

January 20, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Advertisements, Beer, German, Germans, Germany, Guinness, World War II 1 Comment

UN Called In To Protect German Cultural Treasure That Gets You Drunk As Shit

December 5, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Home Cooking Tags: Beer, Competition, Drunkenness, German, Germans, Germany, Guilds, Purity, Regulation, Reinheitsgebot, Trade, UN, UNESCO Leave a comment

The Reinheitsgebot may be “intangible” here, but the beer behind it sure isn’t.

German beer brewers have applied to Unesco for their Reinheitsgebot law to join a list of “intangible heritage” that includes Spanish flamenco and Turkey’s Kirkpinar oil-wrestling festival.

Are the blue helmets on the way yet? Blau also means drunk in German, by the way.

But, as Simpson points out, the Reinheitsgebot law’s inception wasn’t about purity. “It was created to free up the baking grains so that there was less competition with the bakers,” Simpson said. “The bakers were up in arms because they felt the brewers were taking all the grains so the Reinheitsgebot restricted the grains that the brewers could use to malt, strictly malted barley.”

Bottle In Front Of Me Better Than Frontal Lobotomy

November 8, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Health, Helplessness, Hideology, Higher Education, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Beer, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Josef Hecken, Political correctness, Psychotherapy 2 Comments

Or better than psychotherapy, for that matter. Or at least that’s what one German health official has said. A bottle of warm beer can be more effective.

But the Brain Police are now vigorously reminding us (as in you) that one is not permitted to say stuff like that so now this guy’s in real hot water. Or warm beer, I guess.

“A psychotherapist is not needed next to every citizen. Sometimes a beer is enough.”

Now Get Out There And Vote!

September 22, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helections, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Berlin, Drunkenness, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire Leave a comment

German of the day: Bierleiche. This means “beer corpse.” You know, when one of those thirteen beers was bad?

Eineinhalb Stunden nach Beginn des Oktoberfests in München ist die erste Patientin mit Alkoholvergiftung in der Wiesn-Sanitätsstation gelandet – angeblich nach nur einem Bier. Normalerweise kommen die ersten Patienten aber schon früher.

Well You Can Buy Christmas Goodies Here In September, Too

September 15, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, History, Home Cooking, Hotness, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Christmas, Commercialism, Dirndl, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Lederhosen, Marketing, Munich, Oktoberfest, Satire, September Leave a comment

Go to any ALDI or LIDL these days if you don’t believe me (I prefer the Spekulatius myself).

So why should it surprise anybody that’s it’s October in September again already, too. Or nearly so. Prepare or be square.

Tip number 1: Go get your Lederhose NOW. Or a Dirndl, if your prefer. The same applies to the girls. Only after having put on one of these will you be able to celebrate the Oktoberfest in a really zünftig (hearty) fashion. And only after having put down two or three liters of Bier too, of course. But that goes without saying.

Nr. 1 – Das richtige Outfit: In Dirndl und Lederhosen feiert es sich einfach am zünftigsten. Diverse Online-Shops bieten eine große Auswahl für „Madln“ (=Mädels) und „Buam“ (=Jungs). Da aber beides perfekt sitzen soll, empfiehlt es sich, das Outfit vor Ort zu kaufen. Ein Tipp für die Damen: wird die Schleife der Dirndl-Schürze rechts gebunden, gilt Frau als vergeben, links bedeutet: „Ich bin noch zu haben.“

Drink Your Fracking Beer Already

May 24, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Hideology, High Art, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Beer, Berlin, Fracking, German, Germans, Germany, Reinheitsgebot Leave a comment

Uh oh. Germans are suddenly worried about their Reinheitsgebot or “German Beer Purity Law” again. And Fracking, I mean.

This has to do with the fact that fracking does not stick soley to the only ingredients that may be used in the production of beer: Water, barley and hops. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think that fracking uses barley and hops at all.

I’m interested in tradition, too, of course. But let’s face it, if you’re going to start quoting a 500-year-old “purity law,” quote it right: The law also set the price of beer at 1-2 Pfennig per Maß.

The Brauer-Bund beer association is worried that fracking for shale gas, which involves pumping water and chemicals at high pressure into the ground, could pollute water used for brewing and break a 500-year-old industry rule on water purity.

“Das Reinheitsgebot darf nicht beeinträchtigt werden. Es müssen alle Maßnahmen ergriffen werden, damit das Brauwasser geschützt wird.”

Maria K.

April 13, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hotness Tags: Beer, Bierkönigin, Maria Krieger Leave a comment

Beautiful German of the week.

Because somebody has to admire them.

Duff Beer Exists Here

December 6, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Beer, Bier, Courts, Duff Beer, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Law, Satire, The Simpsons Leave a comment

Homer Simpson is a cartoon character, right? And Duff beer is imaginary.

But in Germany you can enjoy Duff beer for real, brewed by two separate companies even, if you want to, because Germany’s Federal Court of Justice (the nation’s highest court of law) said you could.

I don’t make this stuff up, people. This country’s a freakin’ fantasia land amusement park or something. For cryin’ out loud.

“In dieser Zeichentrickserie tritt ein Herr Homer Simpson auf, und dieser Herr trinkt”, erläuterte der Vorsitzende Richter Joachim Bornkamm in der mündlichen Verhandlung. Wobei Bornkamm betonte, es sei wohl “ein eher billiges Bier”.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Beer