Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Bling

October 17, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Chruch and State, Churches, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Religion, Satire, Taxation, Waste Leave a comment

I mean Tebartz-van Elst, of course.

“I got your church and state for ya right here, pal.”

What’s all the excitement about? Religious Germans contribute freely to their churches. It’s not as if the money this guy burned had been levied by taxation or anything. Uh, wait a second. OK. So I guess it had been.

Germany separates church and state much less clearly than does America but more explicitly than Anglican Britain or Orthodox Greece. Its post-war constitution, in a clause carried over verbatim from the Weimar constitution of 1919, favours no particular faith but lets all churches levy taxes on their members through the income-tax system (8% or 9% of a taxpayer’s bill, depending on the state).

Quatsch

April 14, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Corruption, Failure, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Mayors, Megalomania, Politics, Rumors, Satire, SPD Leave a comment

Nonsense, Berliner SPD politicians insist, when it comes to the persistent rumor around town these days that Klaus Wowereit has finally had enough and is willing to make everybody happy and resign already for cryin’ out load.

I would accept this explanation if it weren’t for the fact that they are also saying things like „absoluter Quatsch,“ „eine Quatsch-Debatte,“ „wirklich Quatsch“ and „auch das ist Quatsch,“ too.

Ja, eine „Quatsch-Debatte“ sei das, dass der Regierende Bürgermeister, wie es in der Boulevardzeitung BZ zu lesen war, keine Lust mehr aufs Regieren habe und angesichts mieser Umfragen und ebensolcher Aussichten plane, noch vor der Sommerpause seinen Rücktritt bekannt zu geben.

Germans Stingy With Their Organs Too

January 9, 2013 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Corruption, Doctors, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Jokes, Medicine, Organ Donations, Organ Donor, Satire Leave a comment

Even after they’re dead, I mean.

Organ donations have dropped sharply in Germany following a scandal over alleged corruption at several transplant clinics. The German Foundation for Organ Transplantation says the number of organs donated fell almost 13 percent to 3,917 last year, the lowest figure in a decade.

Which reminds me of a joke…

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.

The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use.

One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident.

The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane.

The third is a hospital administrator who just died after 30 years of service at a large medical center.”

“I’ll take the administrator’s heart,” said the patient.

After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. “It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”

German Teflon

September 5, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Airports, BER, Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government spending, Humor, Planning, Political Parties, Projects, Satire, SPD, Waste Leave a comment

Or Berlin Teflon, if you prefer. Whatever you want to call it, it’s way more teflony or teflonodelic than other kinds of Teflon out there.

Just ask Berlin’s mayor Klaus Wowereit (SPD) after the opening of the city’s new airport has been postponed yet again (no joke) and now won’t be ready nearly two full years later than planned. It’s his baby, you see.

“Not to mince words, Klaus Wowereit can pack his bags as Berlin mayor. Anyone who recklessly gambles with the future of a whole region, wasting hundreds of millions of euros (…) and covers up instead of looking into mistakes is not qualified to be managing a metropolis. Wowereit is not the only one who has failed in relation to the BER project, but he is the main culprit. People are not going to forget that. No matter what he does, his time is up.”

But what do you think will happen, meine Damen und Herren? Not a damned thing. This is Germany. And worse still, some politicians are just never held accountable for what they do, no matter what what they do, or don’t. But not just here. I know of this one guy from another country, for instance (the president of the something or the other) who could get caught robbing a 7-Eleven at gunpoint and nobody would care. It just ain’t right, I tell ya. But it’s da way of da woild.

German commentators are outraged over the postponement, with one (the key word here is one) calling on Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit to resign.

Dreck am Stecken

August 22, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Heconomy, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Banking, Berlin, Corruption, Embargos, German, Germans, Germany, International Sanctions, Iran Leave a comment

That means having a skeleton in your closet. You know, like Germany’s Commerzbank seems to have.

Commerzbank has said it could be fined by the US authorities over its handling of transactions linked to Iran, Sudan, North Korea and other countries that are the subject of US sanctions.

Die Commerzbank soll gegen das Iran-Embargo verstoßen und Geldtransfers in das Land ermöglicht haben.

Decision Delayed On Delayed Airport’s Latest Delay

August 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helections, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Airports, Berlin, Berlin-Brandenburg Airport, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Waste, Humor, Klaus Wowereit, Planning, Projects, Satire, SPD, Waste Leave a comment

Late for a delayed press conference, which was then delayed again, Berlin officials have now announced their decision to delay their decision to delay Berlin’s delayed Airport’s latest delay.

Berlin mayor Klaus Wowereit, a Social Democrat who has made the Berlin-Brandenburg Airport his flagship project, wasted no time in delaying further comment for later, unless delayed.

“Wowereit is making the city look more and more ridiculous in international eyes.”

At Least He Made It To 65

April 13, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Beamte, Berlin, Civil Servant, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Government Jobs, Government Waste, Government Work, Humor, Satire, Waste 3 Comments

Here’s more government in action for you, folks. German Beamte (civil servants). You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them (it’s verboten).

A retiring German public servant has signed off from work by emailing his 500 fellow staff to tell them that he had not done anything for 14 years.

The 65-year-old’s final words in the job were to crow over colleagues and say he had earned more than £600,000 without lifting a finger.

“I do not wish to say anything else.”

We Are Still More Equal Than The Rest Of You

January 19, 2012 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helections, Hypocrisy Tags: Berlin, Corrupt Politicians, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Money, Politicians, Satire Leave a comment

German lawmakers are like lawmakers everywhere else on the planet. At least when it comes to giving themselves raises, they are. They give themselves modest raises, of course, albeit at very regular intervals, and as quietly as humanly possible.

This time they’re giving themselves a ridiculously measly 500 euro a month raise, bringing the grand total up to a less than measly 10,700 euros per month.

Now that may seem like a lot to you, but it really isn’t. Ask any SPD man and he’ll tell you why: “Representatives cannot be compared to those in lower income brackets.”

Well there we have it. They have to be on equal footing with others out there with, uh, I dunno, lots of money? Otherwise they might be susceptible to corruption or something. And we (I mean you) don’t want that because in Germany, as you may know, there is no corruption. So shut up and pay up.

“Abgeordnete kann ich nicht vergleichen mit unteren Einkommensgruppen.”

Banana Republik Deutschland

November 10, 2010 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Hard Facts Tags: Berlin, Corruption, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire 1 Comment

Corruption? Here? In German government agencies? Only about two billion euros worth a year or so, so I guess it hält sich in Grenzen (keeps within reasonable limits).

Or at least that’s what a study done by PriceWaterhousCoopers reports, but they’re probably corrupt too, right?

Example: In the past two years, 52 percent of all public authorities either committed an offense or were directly suspected of having done so.

“In den vergangenen zwei Jahren gab es demnach bei 52 Prozent der befragten Behörden mindestens eine nachgewiesene Straftat oder einen konkreten Verdacht.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Corruption