Our Espionage Doesn’t Stink

May 4, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, CIA, German, Germans, Germany, NSA, Security, Spying, Terrorism 1 Comment

On the one hand, we as German spies only do nice spying and would never spy on friends much less on other other nice Germans like ourselves.

“But on the other hand, intelligence agencies are working to ensure the public’s safety and the German government will do everything it can to ensure that it can carry out its job.

“And this ability to carry out its duties in the face of international terrorism threats is done in cooperation with other intelligence agencies, and that includes first and foremost the NSA.”

Deutschland regt sich über eine Spionageaffäre auf. Dabei wäscht seit Jahrzehnten unter den westlichen Diensten eine Hand die andere. Wir sollten endlich realistisch mit dem Thema Sicherheit umgehen.

German Of The Day: Krawalltourismus

May 1, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, History, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Anarchism, Berlin, Demonstrations, German, Germans, Germany, Language, Riots, Violence, Workers Leave a comment

That means “violent demonstration tourism,” more or less. And May Day (or International Workers’ Day) is booked out completely for this every year in Berlin.

These international workers are off that day, you see. And it’s a bewitching event that these folks just can’t afford to miss. You know, tradition and all that?

Weder mystisch noch romantisch. Für die Berliner Polizei steht run um die Maifeiertage viel Arbeit an.

Germans Can’t Figure Out Why Germans Keep Disappearing

April 30, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking Tags: Aging, Birth Rates, Demographics, Germans, Germany, Humor, Immigration, Interventionism, Satire, Sex Education 6 Comments

Suffering from one of the lowest birth rates in the EU and xenophobic to the core (although officially in denial about this), Germans everywhere (or at least where you can still find them) are puzzled by the continued drop in Germany’s population.

Federal statistics office Destatis said Germany was expected to have between 68 and 73 million inhabitants by 2060, compared to its current 81 million.

I think it’s time for even more concentrated government intervention, don’t you? More sex education efforts, for instance.

“It won’t fall below the 2013 level until at least 2023.”

German Of The Day: Heimatfilme

April 29, 2015 By Hermann Observer in High Art, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Berlin, CIA, Claire Danes, Films, German, Germans, Germany, Homeland, Language, Terrorism, TV Series 2 Comments

Heimatfilm (German pronunciation: [ˈhaɪmatˌfɪlm], German for “homeland-film“; German plural: Heimatfilme) is the name given to a film genre that was popular in Germany, Switzerland, and Austria from the late 1940s to the early 1970s. They were usually shot in the Alps, the Black Forest, or the Lüneburg Heath and always involved the outdoors. These films were noted for their rural settings, sentimental tone and simplistic morality, and centered on love, friendship, family and non-urban life. Also, the polarity between old and young, tradition and progress, and rural and urban life was articulated. The typical plot structure involved both a “good” and “bad” guy wanting a girl, conflict ensuing, and the “good” guy ultimately triumphing to win the girl to the happiness of everyone and the children.

Well that’s cool and all but I guess they’ve tweaked the genre around a bit because they’re going to film the next bunch of “homeland-films” with lots of guns and blood and terror and stuff right here in not so non-urban Berlin itself. But still.

The fifth series will pick up two-and-a-half years after the previous one ended, with main character Carrie Mathison out of the Middle East and in self-imposed exile in the German Capital.

German Intelligence Insults German Intelligence

April 24, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hi-tech, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: BND, Espionage, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Intelligence, NSA, Spying 1 Comment

When the NSA asks for INFO from the BND they get it ASAP. Or at least they used to.

Germany’s intelligence service, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (BND), has been helping the NSA spy on European politicians and companies for years, according to the German news magazine Der Spiegel. The NSA has been sending lists of “selectors”—identifying telephone numbers, e-mail and IP addresses—to the BND, which then provides related information that it holds in its surveillance databases…

Investigators found that the BND had provided information on around 2,000 selectors that were clearly against European and German interests. Not only were European businesses such as the giant aerospace and defense company EADS, best-known as the manufacturer of the Airbus planes, targeted, so were European politicians—including German ones.

I still can’t figure out where the intelligence part comes in here.

Barbarian Hordes From The Steppes Threatening Berlin Again

April 23, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Hideology, High Art, History, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: Berlin, Bikers, German, Germans, Germany, Hells Angels, Marlon Brando, Night Wolves, Putin, Red Army, Russia, Soviet Union, Ukraine, World War II 1 Comment

Only this time they’re coming on motorcycles. And they don’t even belong to the Hells Angels. Like, how indecorous is that?

Politicians and activists in the European Union’s ex-communist east are outraged over a plan by the Night Wolves to commemorate the Soviet victory in World War II by tracing the Red Army’s path to Berlin.

At least 20 riders will cruise from Moscow through Belarus, according to the Night Wolves’ website. From Poland, they’ll pass through the capitals of Slovakia to Austria before continuing to Prague and ending in Berlin on May 9, the 70th anniversary of Nazi Germany’s capitulation to the Soviet Union.

Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?

What Would Gazprom Gerd Do?

April 22, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Antitrust Proceedings, EU, Gazprom, Gerhard Schroeder, German, Germans, Germany, Putin Leave a comment

Or what will he do, I should ask. Duh. Talk about your no-brainer. You can say what you want about Gerd, but at least he’s consistent.

The European Union has accused Russian energy giant OAO Gazprom of hindering competition and charging unfair prices in the natural-gas markets of Central and Eastern Europe, in a move that risks deepening a rift with Moscow.

“Gazprom has been able to charge higher prices in some countries without fearing gas would flow in from resellers or where the prices were lower.”

Wer ein Staatsunternehmen straft, meint auch den Staat. Moskau versteht die Botschaft des Kartellverfahrens gegen den russischen Gas-Giganten sehr wohl – und wird antworten.

It’s TTIP, All Right

April 21, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Cecilia Malmstroem, EU, Europe, Free Trade, German, Germans, Germany, Hysteria, ISDS, Merkel, Protest, Schizophrenia, SPD, TTIP 1 Comment

It’s TTIP of your normal-everyday-hysterical-German-anti-American iceberg.

“All this enters the debate, but it surprises me a bit that the resistance is so strong in a country like Germany, where the benefits will be the greatest.”

The most controversial element of TTIP is a plan to let companies have legal disputes with governments heard by supra-national tribunals, which campaigners say would undermine national sovereignty and favour big business.

The so-called investor-state dispute settlement, or ISDS, allows firms to sue national governments if they feel that local rulings — such as health and safety regulations — violate the trade deal and threaten their investments.

The courts are a critical issue for US negotiators, who underline that these types of panels have existed for decades and are already included in thousands of trade deals worldwide, including about 400 in Europe.

„Dabei ist es geradezu bizarr, dass die Debatte in Deutschland so aufgeheizt ist: Schließlich profitiert kein Land so stark von TTIP wie Deutschland.”

Is Nothing Sacred?

April 20, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: Fish Sticks, German, Germans, Germany, Käpt'n Iglo, Marketing, Nomad, Permira Leave a comment

I don’t want to be a fish stick in the mud, but speaking of the “U.S. push for world domination…”

Now the US-Amerikaner have bought Captain Igloo HIMSELF.

85 Prozent der Erlöse stammen aus Deutschland, Österreich, Italien und Großbritannien.

Der Käpt’n ist nicht mehr zeitgemäß. Geworben wird jetzt ohne ihn.

German Of The Day: Alleingang

April 19, 2015 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Anti-Americanism, Environment, Europe, Free Trade, German, Germans, Germany, GM Foods, Language, Paranoia, Protest, SPD, Trade, TTIP, USA Leave a comment

An ancient German tradition, Alleingänge are when Germans, as Germans, go it alone.

In this particular case it has to do with their Empörung (another traditional German word meaning indignation or outrage) about TTIP, a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Strangely, much like their hysterical reaction to Fukushima and subsequent Alleingang out of nuclear power, no one else in Europe really understands what their concern is all about.

These protestors aim to change that, however. Germany’s fellow Europeans, they feel, clearly do not seem to understand what this treaty is really about: It is a planned free trade deal between Europe and the United States. Hello? Is anyone home out there? A trade deal with the United States? As in US-Amerika?

“The U.S. push for world domination is unacceptable. Obama sends out drones to kill people and wins the Nobel peace prize. This has to stop.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Tag Archives: Germans