Forbidding Stuff Makes It Go Away

Right? In Germany it does. Or it’s supposed to, at least. But it doesn’t work here either, of course.

Take old Nazi films apparently easily available on YouTube, for instance. “Experts” are now shocked to find that it is possible to view them on the Internet, even though such films were placed “on the index” in Germany long ago. Reminds us of the Mein KampfKrampf (convulsion), doesn’t it?

Films

Let’s face it, if we really want to forbid something it ought to be stupidity. Before that works, forbidding films is a questionable undertaking at best. I think the Libertarians sum that up nicely: “If there is no good reason to forbid something (a good reason being that it violates the rights of others), it should be allowed.”

Or do these films, as sad and stupid as they are, violate your rights?

Müssen Filme überhaupt verboten werden?

I CAN Stop Watching It

But it does kind of rock. I guess.

The dude you can find anywhere. But the women that work in my supermarket just don’t look like that. Well that one does…

Judging from this commercial, German supermakets are much more fun—or at least more bizarre—than their American counterparts.

Germans Bugging Americans About Bugging Germans Again

Well they’re sure bugging me.

Merkel

I mean, the Pres already told the NSA to stop listening in on Angela Merkel, right? So like are they now supposed to stop listening in on everybody else out there, too? Why that’s, I dunno, unrealistic or something. Damned if you do. Damned if you still do.

The National Security Agency (NSA) has stepped up its surveillance of senior German government officials since being ordered by Barack Obama to halt its spying on Chancellor Angela Merkel, Bild am Sonntag paper reported on Sunday.

Was soll ich denken?”

PS: Looking at that picture up there makes me think that I could work for the NSA, too. I bet I could have cracked that password eventually myself.

Gerd Knows Best

Ex-chancellor “Gazprom-Gerd” Schröder just can’t seem to sit still these days and has fired yet another salvo in his one-man undeclared unsolicited advice offensive.

Schroeder

He has now advised current chancellor Angela Merkel to leave office in a timely manner. For her own good, of course. And I, for one, certainly hope that she takes this advice to heart. If anybody out there knows about not having left office in a timely manner it’s this guy. In fact I think he should have left office a few days after having been elected. The first time, I mean. It would have only been for his own good, of course.

Gerhard Schröder—the former German chancellor, a man who said the Soviet Union of Leonid Brezhnev appeared more intent on peace than the Americans, and who since 2006 has been a Gazprom executive and Vladimir Putin’s chief shill among the countries of the European Union—has come up with a prescription for masking Moscow’s refusal to let Ukraine (or anyone else) leave Russia’s control and form an organic relationship with the West.

Germans Don’t Trust German Politicians

But German politicians do.

Bundestag

That’s why they just gave themselves a big raise. They’ll now be receiving 830 euros a month more and take in over 9000 (not counting all the other benefits, of course). And this particular Bundestag vote was 464 yes, 115 no and 10 abstentions.

Firemen, paramedics and nurses are held in high regard in Germany and 22 other countries, a current study says. People trust them the most. Only 15 percent of Germans trust politicians, however.

Feuerwehrleute, Sanitäter und Krankenpfleger sind in Deutschland und weiteren 22 Ländern hoch angesehen. Ihnen vertrauen die Menschen einer aktuellen Studie zufolge am meisten. Nur 15 Prozent der Deutschen vertrauen den Politikern.

I Think I’ve Been In This Guy’s Cab

This Berliner taxi driver just got three years in jail. Damn. That’s more than most murderers get here. Although he was making quite a killing, if you think about it.

Taxi

On his good days he took in 300 euros for a ten kilometer drive, milking clueless tourists he picked up at the airport. Jiminy crickets. And he managed to do this without a gun?

Fast 300 Euro für zehn Kilometer: Ein Berliner Taxifahrer stand am Flughafen abseits des offiziellen Halteplatzes für Taxis und passte ahnungslose Touristen aus aller Welt ab.

Germans Beat The Pants Off Everybody Else

And they are doing this by not wearing any pants themselves.

Naked

Germany has now clearly taken the lead in the Winter Olympics by once again coming out victorious in the naked sledging competition.

Huh? What do you mean this isn’t an Olympic event?

Not to be put off by the mild temperatures, an artificial ski slope was created.

I Just Hope They Never Develop ICE 9

Get it? Don’t matter. Germany finally has a new ICE train, the ICE 3.

ICE 3

No, not as in three years late (although it’s that, too), three as in three hundred freakin’ kilometers per hour. Damn. I wanna ride that puppy, too.

Die Autos auf der parallel verlaufenden Autobahn A3 scheinen zu stehen, wenn der ICE mit Tempo 305 an ihnen vorbeirast.

90 Percent Of Germans Believe That 90 Percent Of Americans Don’t Believe In Evolution

They really do.

Darwin

Germans are often very naive and childlike when it comes to their beliefs, don’t you think?

Nur 9,5 Prozent glauben, dass keine höhere Macht in der Entstehung des Universums und der Entwicklung der verschiedenen Tierarten involviert war.

Chinese And Eastern European Spy Attacks Boring Spiegel Readers To Tears

1) Chinese intelligence agencies have apparently carried out a spy attack on the federal government of Germany. Yawn.

China

2) Some 16 million email addresses and passwords of 600 government employees at every German ministry have been taken in a massive data theft operation. The attack was carried out by eastern European criminals, according to Der Spiegel. Snooze.

When asked for more detailed information, a German government spokesman replied “More detailed information. Of what? Like who cares? It’s not as if these attacks were carried out by the NSA or anything.”

Researchers declined to speculate about the possible origin of the malware, but noted that none of the victims were from China.

PS: As for this year’s Berlinale, hmmm. The Chinese just won the Golden Bear for best film this year, too. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Some long-established film festivals, such as Cannes and Venice, can legitimately claim to be timeless. Berlin, however, seems to be stuck in the past, and not only because the event somewhat coasts on its bygone reputation as a festival of discovery…

The Berlinale’s 64th edition was the most lukewarm in years. You don’t usually expect swoons and scandals here, but you do hope that every year’s competition will bring one major discovery, or at least an unassuming gem that everyone falls in love with. There was one universally adored film in competition – but it doesn’t quite count as a Berlin revelation, as it came straight from wowing Sundance…

Berlin always provides its share of A-list red-carpet promenades – this year, by the likes of George Clooney, Bill Murray and Uma Thurman – yet these never quite disguise the festival’s essential earnestness…

Otherwise, I suspect that Berlin 2014 will be best remembered for its major innovation – the addition of a pop-up line of gourmet food wagons. Festival-goers will turn up undeterred again next year – but many of them will be doing it less for the films than for this Berlinale’s real discovery, the pulled pork baps.