Germans Lousy Cooks Too

“We’ve known for years that cooking competence has drastically declined in Germany,” somebody told some news agency somewhere. “But sheesh. These losers can’t cook diddly-squat. I’ve never cooked diddly-squat myself either. But still.”

Cooks

Coronavirus pandemic reveals Germans’ poor cooking skills – Germans reliance on fast food and pre-cooked meals has left them with limited culinary skills when they need them most, a food industry group said. But Germans are flocking to supermarkets and rediscovering cookbooks.

“Now people stand in supermarkets and ask themselves, ‘OK how do I make a burger myself?'”

No Lines, No Crowds

No customers, no purchases, no spend money, no make money, no business, no future.

Crisis

‘No lines, no crowds’ — Germans stay home as stores begin to reopen after coronavirus lockdown – German consumers are counting their pennies rather than returning to shop in large numbers as stores gradually reopen after being locked down during the coronavirus crisis, the national retailers association said on Wednesday.

“Consumers are in a crisis mode, consumer sentiment is in the doldrums.”

Now That There Are No Flights Anymore

The long-delayed, delayed, delayed, delayed (since 2011) opening of the Berlin Brandenburg Airport (BER) will finally go ahead as planned, planned, planned and planned.

BER

Clever, really. Almost diabolical.

‘No risks’ ahead of Berlin Brandenburg (BER) airport opening in October 2020 – According to its operator, there are no more obstacles to get in the way of the BER airport finally opening its doors in October this year.

“We do not see any risks ahead of the first operations in October 2020.”

What? No Ten Euro Beer This Year?

And no Wiesn-Madl? Now we know this is getting serious, folks.

Oktoberfest

Germany cancels Oktoberfest beer festival due to coronavirus – Germany’s Oktoberfest, the world’s largest folk festival, where revellers from all over the world gather to swig large quantities of beer, has been cancelled due to the coronavirus crisis, the southern state of Bavaria said on Tuesday.

Endgültiges Aus für die Wiesn 2020!

German Of The Day: Corona-Rechnung

That means the Corona invoice or bill.

Bill

China has launched a furious war-of-words over a letter by German magazine Bild editor accusing China of being the cause of the Covid-19 outbreak and demanding massive reparations…

What China owes us,” a provocative article in German tabloid Bild published on 15 April, put a price tag of nearly €150 billion for damages inflicted on the country by Covid-19 pandemic.

The itemized “invoice” included €24 billion in lost tourism revenue from March to April, €7.2 billion in losses for the German film industry, €1 million per hour in costs for Lufthansa, and €50 billion in lost profits for German small businesses.

China responded in anger an open letter to Bild editor Julian Reichelt pointing out that China warned the world early of the dangers of the virus, while rejecting any obligation to pay damages. It also reproached Bild “nationalism, prejudice, and hostility against China.”

Was China uns jetzt schon schuldet.

Easy Money

A government program that’s easy to scam? Wow. That’s never happened before.

COVID

It’s not the government’s money in the end anyway so who cares, right? Money for nothing and the click’s for free.

The government of North Rhine-Westphalia, a province in western Germany, is believed to have lost tens of millions of euros after it failed to build a secure website for distributing coronavirus emergency aid funding.

The funds were lost following a classic phishing operation.

Cybercriminals created copies of an official website that the NRW Ministry of Economic Affairs had set up to distribute COVID-19 financial aid.

Crooks distributed links to their sites using email campaigns, lured users on the sites, and collected details from locals. They then filed requests for government aid on behalf of the real users but they replaced the bank account where funds were to be wired.

Extremely Difficult?

How could it even be considered possible at all?

Citizens

Under a draft law, immigrants living in Germany under a false name would later find it extremely difficult to become citizens.

Well, it still is just a draft, folks. I’m sure they’ll take that “extremely difficult” part out yet.

In an apparent bid to deter asylum-seekers from providing false information about their identities, the German government plans on making it harder for foreign nationals to attain citizenship, Die Welt newspaper reported on Friday.

A draft law drawn up by the Interior Ministry targets immigrants who have been living in Germany under a false name or provided authorities with incorrect information about their country of origin when they arrived.

Currently, foreigners are generally eligible for German citizenship if they’ve lived in the country for eight years or more.

Under the new law, the years that an immigrant lived under a false identity would no longer count towards the total years required to attain citizenship.

When Refugees Go Bad

Oops. Wasn’t supposed to mention that refugee part. It’s not like NBC or any other MSM folks would. That was rude. I’m not worthy.

Terror

Suspected ISIS members plotted attack on U.S. bases, German prosecutors say – Group “had already bought weapons and ammunition” and “one suspect has knowledge how to make explosives,” said State Interior Minister Herbert Reul.

Die fünf Beschuldigten, von denen vier am Mittwoch festgenommen wurden und einer schon länger in Untersuchungshaft sitzt, seien Tadschiken und alle als Flüchtlinge eingereist, sagte Reul.

I Just Had To Look

Having read the book…

Movie

Not. If it weren’t for Corona, I’d go watch Corona – The Movie. I mean, if it were a movie that acutally existed and all that.

‘Corona – The Movie’ is our project. First we need the kind of director who nails the son of a bitch, a guy who will not rest until the virus is turned into lasagna, in its own movie. We need a director who rocks big-time, a man whose name is Martin Scorsese.

The Cast?

Mrs. Corona: Balle Herry
The bad virologist, Professor Pandemia C. Galore: Sigourney Beaver
The good virologist, Professor Vacuna Matata: Sandra Bullocks
The protective mask: Jim Carrey
The individual on the respirator: Brad DiCaprio
The narrator: Bernie Sanders
The arrogant ICU doc: Harrison Dodge
The helpful nurse: Angela Merkel
The Sheriff: Clint Westwood

The Plot? Who cares.

German Of The Day: Mundschutz-Pflicht

That means the mandatory wearing of face masks (Mundschutz actually means mouth protection in German).

Mundschutz

Coming to your German neighborhood soon – as soon as the face masks the German government failed to hold ready in stock are available.

Then everybody can move on to the “new normalcy,” whatever that’s going to be. Anything’s better than the old normalcy, I suppose.

Zusammen mit Lockerungen der Corona-Beschränkungen – Mundschutz-Pflicht wird immer wahrscheinlicher.