Nix Flashmob Here, Buddy

December 15, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, High Art, Humor, Hysteria Tags: Christmas, Facebook, Flash Mobs, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Munich, Satire Leave a comment

As Wikipedia informs us, a flash mob (or flashmob) “is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, artistic expression.”

Well, Munich officials clearly aren’t in the mood for entertainment, satire or artistic expression these days (it is Christmas season here after all, bah, humbug) and are threatening with 1000 euro fines anyone who decides to follow a Facebook flashmob call to stand still at the city’s famous Marienplatz for five full minutes this coming Saturday.

It’s pretty clear that they don’t want the flashmob to interfere with the Christmas mob because this could lead to mob warfare and we all know who would win that one, right? Man do I ever pity the flashmobbing fool who gets in the way of those folks.

Uns geht es nicht um das Stehenbleiben, sondern um Blockaden.

A Fistful Of Euros…

December 14, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Currency, Dollar, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Financial crisis, German, Germans, Germany 1 Comment

Won’t buy you what it used to.

Remember when the (place your favorite currency here) used to be worth something? I guess it’s the euro’s turn now. Hey, what goes up must come down, right? There must be something going on in the euro zone these days or something.

Die Gemeinschaftswährung sank am Mittwoch erstmals sei Mitte Januar unter die Marke von 1,30 Dollar. Am späten Nachmittag wurde der Euro bei 1,2988 Dollar gehandelt.

Bad Kanada, Bad!

December 13, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Activism, Berlin, Canada, Climate Change, German, Germans, Germany, Global warming, Kyoto, The Greens 5 Comments

Remember when Canada used to be one of the good countries (as seen from a German point of view)?

Well now those crazy canucks went and done it and have formally withdrawn from the Kyoto Protocol on climate change ITSELF, just like that, and just days after that cheesy last-minute el cheapo compromise on climate change in Durban that got German environmentalists over here (and everywhere else) all hot and bothered and globally warmed up and stuff. Sheesh.

And all for the love of money!? Why those no-good-dog-sledding-pill-pushing-maple-smokers. Can you imagine that? Is nothing sacred anymore? Since when has money made the world go around, people? Oh. That long, really? Damn.

So now even the Canadians are acting like, well, Americans. Talk about the wheels falling off your dog and pony show climate change bandwagen. What does this mean? Where do we not go from here? Like, other than Germany, who’s going to be next?

“Canada’s obligations under Kyoto would cost $13.6bn (10.3bn euros; £8.7bn): “That’s $1,600 from every Canadian family – that’s the Kyoto cost to Canadians, that was the legacy of an incompetent Liberal government.”

Talk About Your Christmas Spirit

December 12, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Christmas Markets, Drugs, German, Germans, Germany, Poison, Santa Claus, Spiked Drinks, Weihnachtsmärkte 1 Comment

Would you accept a free drink from a total stranger? Hell yeah, I would (it’s not like anybody is ever going to offer me one).

But Berlin police say this is not a good idea these days, as a man serving vodka-schnapps spiked with a date-rape drug is causing nausea and hurt Christmas feelings at that Berlin Christmas market nearest you.

So you better be good, you better not pout. Just say no. Ho, ho, ho.

Jüngst war der Täter als Weihnachtsmann verkleidet.

Same Procedure As Every Year

December 11, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Climate Change, CO2, Durban, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Environment, The Green Shirts, The Greens Leave a comment

Why put off for tomorrow what you can put off for The Day After Tomorrow instead? Get it?

Oh boy, another climate change agreement. You know, an agreement about agreeing to agree on how governments will agree in the future on how to commit themselves to agree upon finally reaching a final agreement about… I forgot about what, but it has something to do with CO2 or something.

Have you noticed how die Luft ist raus (the air is out or the wheels are off) of the we’re-all-going-to-die-right-now climate change movement? You can only cry wolf for so long, I guess. The masses, in their inexplicable and infinite wisdom, seem to have lost all sense of urgency and are no longer cooperating – not even in Germany. And not even the do-gooders-what’s-in-charge leading them, trying so hard to get that sense of urgency back, seem to know “why Durban is different to climate change agreements of the past.” But they’re trying to understand and I wish them all the very best.

Und das ist gut so (and this is a good thing), these wheels coming off. Once everybody stops hollerin’ and things start calming down a bit maybe we can all get together and begin to approach this issue with a little bit of common sense. Opps, I mean intelligence.

Bis kurz vor Schluss sah es aus, als würde der Klimagipfel von Durban ohne Ergebnis enden. Heraus kommt ein nüchterner Zeitplan, mit dem viele Entscheidungen verschoben werden.

Our 9/11?

December 7, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habeas Corpus, Habitudes, Hate, Hysteria Tags: 9/11, Berlin, German, Germans, Germany, Neo-Nazis, Terror 2 Comments

My, what a gross exaggeration. A handfull of neo-Nazi slobs go on a killing spree and a Berlin Politologe (political scientist) calls this Germany’s equivalent to the attacks of 9/11?

This surely must be a bad political scientist (as in bad science). But he’s not alone, of course. Germany’s contact to/with reality has never been all that steady, even in the best of times (like now), so none of this should be a surprise. It does make me wonder though about what would happen if something – how should I put it? – “real” were ever to happen here. I mean, if this is Germany’s 9/11, what would happen if a real 9/11 came along? Would everybody just pop into thin air or something? Nah, that would be impossible. Not even bad science can do that

“Das ist unser 9/11.”

8000 Jobs For A Better World

December 4, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear power, The Greens Leave a comment

For a better dream world, I should say.

You know, for a better dream world without nuclear energy? Germany utility RWE plans to cut costs – and 8000 jobs – as it trys to come to grips with Germany’s decision to phase out nuclear power by 2022 – and then continue to import it´s nuclear power from France and others instead.

These 8000 jobs will just be the start of it, of course. But aller Anfang ist schwer, as the Germans say: The first step is the hardest. It will get a lot easier firing folks once “the movement” gains movement, I mean progresses.

It’s Us Against Them

December 2, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Health, Helplessness, Hi-tech, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Facebook, Fear, German, Germans, Germany, Google, Humor, Internet, Paranoia, Satire, Schizophrenia, Technology 1 Comment

Us as in US, I mean.

German authorities are trying to limit what the American tech companies can do, but the Silicon Valley giants are fighting back (the key word is American here, folks).

Give the Germans what they want, I say. But what DO they want, anyway (this is one of my favorite German schizophrenia thangs).

It’s worth noting that Facebook and Google are actually quite popular in the country — the BBC reported in September that “a quarter of the German population are active Facebook users and Google has 95% of the country’s search market.”

Just In Case You Didn’t Know Who To Vote For

December 1, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Helections, Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, Der Spiegel, Elections, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Republicans, Satire, The Tea Party 5 Comments

Der Spiegel http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/0,1518,800850,00.html (sorry, having trouble with the posting today) has put together a highly nuanced and in depth political analysis about US Republican presidential candidates. It is called “A Club of Liars, Demagogues and Ignoramuses.”

Here are just a few of the more insightful insights:

The current crop of candidates have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein (so like they don’t like Einstein, or what?).

They lie. They cheat. They exaggerate. They bluster. They say one idiotic, ignorant, outrageous thing after another (good thing we have the Democrats as an alternative).

The US elections are a reality show after all, a pseudo-political counterpart to the Paris Hiltons, Kim Kardashians and all the “American Idol” and “X Factor” contestants littering today’s TV (I don’t get this but it sounds like it must be astute or something).

The Grand Old Party is ruining the entire country’s reputation (uh, what reputation are we talking about here anyway?).

…Which goes to show that this “movement” (the Tea Party), sponsored by Fox News, has never been interested in the actual business of governing or in the intelligence and intellect that it requires. They are only interested in marketing themselves, for ratings and dollars (if given the choice I’d take the ratings at the moment).

Americans have a short memory (this one sure does, I’ve forgotten your article already).

United We Fall, Divided We Stand

November 29, 2011 By Hermann Observer in Heconomy, Helplessness, Hysteria Tags: Berlin, EU, Euro, Euro Crisis, Europe, Financial crisis, Germany, Humor, Satire 3 Comments

Women and children first! No offense there, Nicolas.

It looks like Germany and France may have had enough of broke weeny Europeans (other than themselves) already and now appear to be planning a secret and very “exlusive stability pact” just for the crème de la crème of ze Europe. You know, for that handful of European countries that can still pay their debts, maybe. But don’t tell anybody yet. This is still a secret, like I said.

Deutschland und Frankreich sind nicht mehr gewillt, auf eine Einigung aller EU-Länder zu warten. Notfalls wären sie bereit, mit einigen Ländern voranzugehen und so innerhalb der Währungszone eine Art Klub der Super-Europäer zu gründen, deren Mitglieder sich strengen Sparauflagen unterwerfen.

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

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