The Case Of The Missing SPD Candidate

New properties of the Schulz effect have been discovered by political scientists in Germany.

Martin

Similar to the Doppler effect, the Schulz effect is also characterized by a a distinct change of pitch (in this case hype) heard when the media vehicle (in this case Schulz himself) sounds its horn when approaching, passing and then receding from the observer (preferably forever). You can hardly hear a sound from him these days, in other words. And this is a good thing.

Der Hype um Martin Schulz lässt nach, die CDU liegt in Umfragen vor der SPD, die Mehrheit in NRW wackelt. Noch muss sich Schulz nicht sorgen, aber was ist da passiert?

The Polls Are Never Wrong

Right? As we were recently reminded after the Brexit vote and the United States presidential election, the pollsters, survey scientists and media manipulators who publish them are always right on the money.

Poll

So please keep this in mind (and please bring it back to mind in a few months time) when we now read that “the SPD has passed the union in another survey” (the union being Angela Merkel’s CDU/CSU) and that this is due to the so-called “Schulz effect.”

This means, of course, that Germans are supposed to believe that the SPD’s candidate for chancellor, Martin Schulz, is wildly popular and on a roll and is single-handedly bringing German social democracy back from the near-death it is now experiencing to march together bravely into the brave new social democratic (socialist) future. They don’t believe it, of course, because he isn’t and he can’t. Germans, too, have also realized that polls have long since failed in their traditional function as poorly functioning forecast tools and are now failing miserably at their latest job: To deftly manipulate public opinion and steer it in the direction these pollsters & co. want it to go.

Nobody buys it anymore, Martin. Just like nobody buys you. You can bring out all the survey results you want but that won’t change a thing.*

Der Schulz-Effekt hält an: Die SPD hat auch laut einer Emnid-Umfrage die Union überflügelt. Die AfD fällt erstmals seit einem Jahr unter zehn Prozent.

*The real issue here is the true degree of Angela Merkel’s unpopularity, another closely guarded media secret.

Nero Was The Guy In The Matrix, Right?

More cool Spiegel stuff, folks.

Trump

Trump as Nero: Europe Must Defend Itself Against A Dangerous President.

It is literally painful to write this sentence, but the president of the United States is a pathological liar. The president of the U.S. is a racist (it also hurts to write this). He is attempting a coup from the top; he wants to establish an illiberal democracy, or worse; he wants to undermine the balance of power. He fired an acting attorney general who held a differing opinion from his own and accused her of “betrayal.” This is the vocabulary used by Nero, the emperor and destroyer of Rome. It is the way tyrants think.

I feel your pain, buddy. It literally hurts me to read this about how it literally hurts you to write this. Let’s both of us stop all this hurting, literally, and move on already. Please.

Leading German Fake News Provider Upset That News It Calls Real Now Being Called Fake By Others

Aghast (along with CNN) at allegations by President-elect Donald Trump that the fake news they and other major fake news purveyors regularly claim to be real is actually fake, German fake news provider Der Spiegel now claims that the President-elect’s allegations are “like totally fake already.”

Fake

“He can’t be serious, can he? Let’s get real here, people,” said one empörter (indignant) journalist in Hamburg. “He’s faking it. And I know a fake when I see one. That’s my job. And I mean that. For real.”

Fake News ist für manche die unbelastete Variante von “Lügenpresse” und ein bequemes Schlagwort für alles Neue, was einem nicht in den Kram passt. Auch in Deutschland findet das Nachahmer bei jenen, die die von ihnen sogenannten Mainstream-Medien ins Visier genommen haben.

German Of The Day: Stinkefinger

That means stinky finger. You know, as in the finger?

Stinky

SPD boss Sigmar Gabriel recently got some Sommerloch good press by doing what is generally considered to be a bad thing. Only he was flipping off neo-Nazis who were heckling him so that made it a good thing.

Getting in a little more mileage out of it, he has now said in an interview that his only regret is not having used two stinky fingers (no, not the peace sign, he means two hands).

“Ich habe nicht beide Hände benutzt.”

PS: A Sommerloch or summer hole is the “silly season” during summer vacation months typified by frivolous or unimportant news stories in the media.

Alles wie Immer*

When it comes to reliable news sources, I mean – ‘Refugee’: A keyword that gets German media every time.

Refugee

Let’s see. Here’s what’s coming out of German media outlets these days: A dead refugee who isn’t, a thirteen-year-old girl raped by refugees who wasn’t and a hand grenade attack at a refugee facility done with a hand grenade that doesn’t explode… Tell me when to stop or something.

Police said the grenade still contained its explosives but it was not clear whether it still had a detonator. Forensics experts are investigating.

* alles wie immer means the same as always.

TIME Magazine To Shorten Its Name

To “A politically left-intellectual group of high earners in a country that receives virtually no refugees” Magazine. I mean lengthen it, of course.

Merkel

The American magazine’s decision to honour her (Angela Merkel) with the high-profile award went down less well in Germany itself, where there is deep unrest over the huge numbers of migrants streaming in every day from the Middle East.

Felix Steiner, an editor at state broadcaster Deutsche Welle, said writers in New York who were praising Mrs Merkel’s open door migration policy had no idea about the impact it has had on German communities.

“The haunted ones are the cities and municipalities that are being forced to take in ever more refugees and have no idea how they will ever be able to house and care for them.”

David Vance said (on Twitter): “Islamic State leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was named runner-up to Merkel in Time “Person of the Year” Says it all, really.”

PS: Speaking of “a country that receives virtually no refugees,” somebody told me that Germany has taken in more “refugees” in 2015 than the United States of Amerika has in the past ten years. Should I believe that person or not?

German Of The Day: Lügenpresse

That means the lying press. And, like, welcome to the club already, Germany. It appears that many Germans were not aware of this up until now. I mean, when has the media anywhere ever not been guilty of “embellished and inaccurate reporting?”

Lügenpresse

In a recent German survey, 44 percent of respondents said they partially, or wholly believe the media regularly lies to the people, as the Pegida movement asserts. Media experts (the people helping with the lying?) examine whether that’s true.

Media outlets in Germany “are controlled from the top,” and therefore spread “embellished and inaccurate reporting.” Nearly half of the 1,000 German citizens recently polled by the Dortmund-based Forsa Institute agreed with these statements.

Currently, the refugee situation dominates media reports. But Germans are simultaneously experiencing the crisis first-hand in their own towns and cities – and often finding dramatic differences between their perceptions of these events and journalists’ representations of them…

For example, Sebnitz: In this village of 8,000 residents in Saxony, where right-wing radicals often make headlines, the son of a German-Iranian couple, both of whom are pharmacists, died accidentally. The immediate headline read: “Neo-Nazis Drown Child.” In truth, the boy drowned after having a heart seizure. A newspaper that reported on the actual facts of the accident nevertheless added: But the way the mood is in Sebnitz, neo-Nazis could well have done it.”

Above all, the issue is often about choice of words: BBC World reported: “Dutch politician Geert Wilders acquitted of hate speech charges in The Hague.” Germany’s national news broadcast, Tagesschau, formulated the same story thus: “The Islamophobe and right-wing populist politician, Geert Wilders…”

New Pegida Narrative In The Works

Now that Pegida is not going away as planned (but is in fact still growing) the secret German media police have decided to do a controlled rollback before their current hysterical narrative about courageous Gutmenschen (do-gooders) doing selfless battle against evil Nazi numbskulls gets all too ridiculous even for them (for the secret German media police, I mean).

Pegida

These unwelcome troublemakers will now be rebranded in a decidedly less overwrought fashion, the first merchandise coming out as we speak, so-to-speak. It is in the form of a study just made by the Technical University, Dresden in which we discover the following rather surprising fun facts:

Only one-fourth of those demonstrating are actually demonstrating against the “Islamization of the Western world.”

The typical Pegida supporter is a politically independent 48-year-old male who is well-educated and well-employed.

The main gripes most Pegida supporters have are their dissatisfaction with 1) German politicians, 2) German media and only then 3) the increased number of immigrants and asylum seekers now coming to Germany.

Why, uh, that’s suddenly a completely different picture, isn’t it? Stay tuned, there will certainly be more to follow. The hysteria sure was fun while it lasted though, wasn’t it?

“Sind Sie von der Presse?”

Squealer Mania!

Cult: A religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

Squealer

His story has popped up in advertisements for lingerie and a travel agency. His face appears on merchandise ranging from T-shirts to skateboards. His deeds are celebrated in works by artists and musicians.

Meet Edward Snowden, Germany’s latest pop culture icon...

To find parallels for Mr. Snowden’s current cult-hero status in Germany, you have to go back to Che Guevara or Ho Chi Minh, said Johannes Krempl, an advertising executive in Berlin.