Tag Archives: Sommerloch

Haven’t had one of these in ages…

July 20, 2023 By in Habitudes, Home Cooking, Hustle (Hoax) Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

One of these fake animal sightings in the summer in Germany (search above for “Sommerloch” or “silly season”).

You know, these “scary” none-news news reports used as filler during summer vacation season (journalists are allowed to go on vacation here, it seems)? This time it’s a lion on the loose or something.

Germany: Suspected lioness on the loose outside Berlin – Residents of a neighborhood near the German capital have been told to stay indoors while authorities search for what they believe is a lioness on the loose.

If Foxes Aren’t Stealing Your Shoes…

August 10, 2020 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I was still digesting the shoe fetishist fox. Now wild boars are ripping off people’s laptops.

Schweine

While they’re nude bathing. Even during the corona hysteria era the Sommerloch must go on (journalists need a vacation now and then too).

A nudist bather who chased a wild boar near a Berlin lake after it stole his laptop was applauded by onlookers after a successful pursuit.

Cows Step On Somebody In Germany

July 19, 2020 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Finally, some good news! A “cow-trampling drama” has taken place.

Cows

If Sommerloch items like this are finally getting reported again then the Corona Panic must be just about over with and we are rapidly returning to normalcy.

Germany: Cow-trampling drama leaves hiker severely injured – A 67-year-old German man has received serious injuries after he was trampled by cows while hiking in Saarland. Police say he was out hiking with his dog when he was knocked to the ground by a herd of cattle.

A warning sign has been placed there, pointing out the dangers of cows and urging hikers to avoid the pasture if there are animals on it.

German Sommerloch Update: Office Chairs Incorrectly Adjusted For Many Employees

August 17, 2015 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Health, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Especially for the ones still on their Sommerloch summer vacations, I bet.

Sommerloch

Sitting for long periods strains the spine. Many desk workers therefore complain about backache. Correctly adjusting the office chair can prevent these complaints, however.

„In vielen Betrieben gibt es gute Stühle, aber die Beschäftigten haben sich damit noch nie befasst.“

Sommerloch Tornado Coming This Way!

July 24, 2015 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The German Sommerloch is famous for being the time for scary none-news news reports. It is also famous for being the time for reports about scary non-animal animals, too.

Sharknado

That is why everybody is all hot and bothered right now about that scary low front “Zeljko“ approching Germany as you read this. Many Sommerloch weather forecasters are worried that this could be the beginning of a real live Sommerloch tornado (ignore the fact that Germany doesn’t actually do tornados, please).

Others who prefer to remain anonymous are going to go even further out on the limb and are predicting that “Zeljko“ could turn into the dreaded Sommerloch Sharknado ITSELF!

Im ersten Teil bekämpfen sie die fliegenden Haie in Los Angeles, in Teil zwei in New York und in „Sharknado 3 – Oh Hell No!“ macht sich der Raubtier-Tornado über der gesamten Ostküste der USA breit.

Let The Pre-Sommerloch Activities Begin

June 14, 2014 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Home Cooking, Humor, Hustle (Hoax), Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Long before the official Sommerloch activities do, I mean.

Lotti

You know. The Sommerloch? That time of year in Germany when the people who manufacture the news are on vacation so the skeleton crew back at the office tries to make do by cranking out monster sightings? As in, if it wasn’t for fake news we wouldn’t have no news at all?

Anyways, Lotti the Turtle Monster herself is back from last summer. Even though she was never actually sighted even then, of course. The villagers or peasants in the area – some place called Irsee (Irrsinn means insanity, by the way, no connection) – have placed a trap for her and are hoping for the best. The best media coverage they can possibly squeeze out of this puppy. I mean turtle. Like in June already.

After all, there’s not much else going on in the news these days, is there? What else are Germans going to be interested in reading about?

Lotti wurde nie gesehen. Ob sie tatsächlich existierte oder die Irseer im vergangenen Sommer einem Phantom hinterher jagten, wird wohl nie geklärt werden.

Speaking Of Predictability

August 13, 2013 By in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, High Art, Higher Education, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypochondria, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Zum Sommer gehört auch Günter Grass (Günter Grass is also a part of sommer – predictable as he is, just like those other Sommerloch monsters mentioned below).

Grass

This time the grand old man of letters suddenly felt the urgent need to attack former SPD boss (and now over-the-hill ex-Left Party boss) Oskar Lafontaine as being a sleazy traitor to the grand old SPD’s grand old cause, whatever the grand old hell that was.

I can only assume that this little outburst must have something to do with the upcoming federal elections. The SPD has ruled out ever forming a coalition government with the Left Party (one of the very few things they have managed to do right), but this is mostly because the Left Party, like the SPD itself, is already extinct (nobody has broken the part about the SPD being extinct to the SPD yet, however). Grass, of course, is about as SPD and as extinct as you can get.

And it doesn’t really matter that Grass is actually right about Lafontaine here. All it points out to me is just how much he and Lafontaine have in common. Nobody out there takes them seriously anymore.

Günter Grass gehört zum Sommer wie das Reptil zum Badesee.

Right On Time

August 12, 2013 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor, Hypochondria, Hysteria Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

This is definitely one of my favorite rituals over here. Like the reliable old groundhog back home, at least one weird animal sighting is guaranteed to take place in Germany during the so-called Sommerloch season.

Lotti

This year’s winner is a terrifying alligator snapping turtle that actually attacked a young swimmer in Bavaria somewhere. Or maybe he didn’t. But still.

Like I said, this happens over here every year. Here are just a few examples. Who says that “news” isn’t a product that you can just turn on and off at will? Depending upon the demand, I mean. Which obviously seems to be pretty low at the moment (it’s a Sommerloch, like I said).

And all of these scary monsters have one other thing in common, too: They never get caught. Some böse Zungen (malicious tongues) even suggest that these creatures don’t even really, you know, exist?

The turtle, nicknamed Lotti, is likely to be some 40cm (16 inches) long and weigh at least 14kg (30 pounds).