German And American Spies Working Together?

When will the horror ever end?

PX

No, I’m not talking about the radical German Islamists killing Christians in Syria. Nor am I referring to that German spy software being used the world over, either.

I’m talking about the horror of the very thought of German intelligence services having worked together with the CIA for years in a secret anti-terror unit named “Project 6” in Neuss. And get this: In 2010 their focus actually briefly turned to a German journalist! We’re talking horror here, people.

Deutsche Nachrichtendienste und die CIA haben nach SPIEGEL-Informationen jahrelang eine geheime Anti-Terror-Einheit mit dem Namen “Projekt 6” in Neuss betrieben. Herzstück war die gemeinsame Datenbank PX. Im Jahr 2010 geriet ein deutscher Journalist in den Fokus.

PS: I never realized…

Cool

And This Year’s Winner Of The German Spitzel, Spy And Whistleblower Award Goes To…

When you get the top award in the category of Best Informant from a country like Germany, you know you have most definitley reached the top of your game.

Snowden

And so it comes as no surprise to most Hollywood award-watchers out there that Edward Snowden has just received the German “Whistleblower Prize” in recognition of his “bold efforts” to expose the monitoring of communications data by his trusted, I mean trusting employer.

As we all know, Germany enjoys an incredibly long and rich tradition of abusing individual freedoms, usually in the form of “Spitzel” or spying activity practised between private individuals, regardless of the current political or totalitarian system they may find themselves in, so this prestigeous award immediately skyrockets Snowden to the exalted ranks of the top double-crossing turncoats of recent German, if not world history.

Snowden himself was speechless. But this was mostly because he was not available for comment, nor will he be able to pick up said award for some strange reason, but still.

“Wir sind Edward Snowden außerordentlich dankbar.”

How Secure Is “Email Made In Germany?”

“Boom Triggered By NSA: German Email Services Report Surge in Demand”

Email

But just how secure is email made in Germany? Way Secure.

Email made in Germany is double-triple-quadruple encrypted. And then it gets double-triple-quadruple encrypted again.

Email made in Germany is so secure that an email made in Germany warns you when you try to send it to someone the email made in Germany hasn’t been introduced to yet.

Secure? Why email made in Germany never leaves local servers, thus ensuring that the email made in Germany stays right here in Germany where it belongs verdammt noch mal (dadgummit)!

We’re talking secure here, people. Email made in Germany is so secure that when we say it never leaves local servers we mean it never leaves local servers. Ever. It never even gets delivered at all.

“I would strongly recommend against anyone trusting their private data to a company with physical ties to the United States.”

We Don’t Trust That There NSA One Little Bit

But we’ll, uh, trust them this one time here, maybe.

Trains

Al Qaeda is plotting attacks on Europe’s high-speed rail network, German newspaper Bild reported on Monday, citing a leaked National Security Agency (NSA) report.

The NSA report is based on an intercepted conference call between top Al-Qaeda operatives, in which the terrorist attacks were reportedly a “central topic”.

Berlin has responded to the threat with discreet measures such as deploying plain-clothed police officers at key stations and on main routes, Bild reported.

Der Hinweis stamme vom US-Geheimdienst NSA.

Absolutely Shocking Or Something

Who would have thought this possible? The German Bundesnachrichtendienst of all intelligence agencies, run by Germans of all people, in Germany of all places, has been systematically providing that evil National Security Agency of US-Amerika with vast amounts of German telecommunications information (meta records).

NSA

And the BND has been working closely with the NSA like this for over 50 years now, too. I know that there’s a news item here somewhere, I just haven’t figured out where it is yet.

“The BND has been working with the NSA for over 50 years, especially when it comes to the reconnoitering of situations in crisis areas in order to protect German soldiers stationed there and to protect and rescue abducted German citizens.”

“Der BND arbeitet über 50 Jahren mit der NSA zusammen, insbesondere bei der Aufklärung der Lage in Krisengebieten, zum Schutz der dort stationierten deutschen Soldatinnen und Soldaten und zum Schutz und zur Rettung entführter deutscher Staatsangehöriger.”

A Pissed Off Germany Will Now Close This Here Listening Station

Teufelsberg

Among others. So there, Amerika.

Who cares that these things have either already been closed down for years or no longer serve any practical purpose anymore? The German government is now going to demonstratively cancel a Cold War-era surveillance pact with the United States and Britain following concerns about their alleged electronic eavesdropping in Germany.

And who cares that this is clearly a symbolic gesture and therefore has no practical consequences for intelligence cooperation between these countries? It’s election time.

“This is a necessary and proper consequence of the recent debate about protecting personal privacy.”

The details of Anglo-American snooping on German citizens remain unclear and confusing, but many Germans have already bought the “utterly senseless narrative”, as Hans-Peter Friedrich, Germany’s interior minister, lamented this week, that “thousands of Americans are sitting down reading our e-mails and listening to our phone calls”.

United Stasi of America

Get it? A protest at the US embassy in Berlin and stuff.

Protest

The National Security Agency can gather about one billion times more information than the sinister Stasi police that were used to hunt down the targeted people of Nazi Germany.

And just in case you were wondering, Germans only do “strictly legal” spying. But you probably weren’t wondering.

Darunter war das Konterfei des umstrittenen Internet-Unternehmers und Multimillionärs Kim Schmitz alias „Kim Dotcom“ zu erkennen. Der gebürtige Deutsche lebt in Neuseeland und ist Gründer der – mittlerweile geschlossenen – Internetplattform „Megaupload“, über die die Nutzer auch illegal an Musik und Filme gelangen konnten. Seit 2012 warten die USA auf die Auslieferung des Unternehmers, weil ein Haftbefehl gegen Schmitz vorliegt.

Outrage: Registered

Now this is what I call a news item. Who would have thought that? The NSA, a US-Amerikan cryptologic intelligence agency expressly responsible “for the collection and analysis of foreign communications and foreign signals intelligence” has been found to be collecting and analyzing foreign signals intelligence. In ze Europe, of all places.

NSA

Europeans would never do such a thing, you see. Nor would the governments of the Netherlands, France, Germany, Spain, Italy and Britain among others ever never ever admit to having secret agreements with Washington to hand over their citizens’ private data to said agency.

Outrage: registered. Now, the issue of how far spy agencies in other countries actually knew, participated in or made use of the NSA’s surveillance program is another question entirely.

Germans See Germans Do

Shocking, these Americans and their surveillance state. It’s good to know that that kind of thing can’t happen here.

BND

Despite the scandal concerning the US spy program Prism, the Bundesnachrichtendienst (Federal Intelligence Service) is planning to monitor the Internet more thoroughly. 100 million euros are to be invested with more technical equipment and up to 100 more personnel planned.

Meanwhile… Federal Minister of the Interior Hans-Peter Friedrich (CSU) is arguing for a flight passenger security check system similar to the American model for those who enter Europe. German security services should be able to check to see “if someone is on the wanted or prosecuting authority lists” before the start of the journey.

So geht man nicht mit Freunden um, die im Kampf gegen den Terrorismus unsere wichtigsten Partner sind”, sagte der Minister der “Welt am Sonntag”. Friedrich betonte, Deutschland sei von Datenzulieferungen aus den USA abhängig. Es sei bekannt, “dass es die US-Geheimdienste sind, die uns immer wieder wichtige und richtige Hinweise gegeben haben“.

Big Obama Brother Says Chill Already

What’s all the excitement about with these NSA surveillance programs, Germany?

NSA

Your, I mean our president himself has ensured everyone everywhere that he has not become a Big Brother with eyes and ears throughout the world of online communications.

“You can’t have 100 percent security and then also have 100 percent privacy and zero inconvenience,” the Pres says. And that applies to you too, Germany. This is only for your own good, or something.

So take a chill pill already. If Obama is behind all of this then everything is fine, right? After all, you voted for him.

Es ist kein Geheimnis, dass die USA weltweit Kommunikation überwachen. Die Programme haben immer neue Namen, ob sie nun Echelon, Total Awareness oder TrailBlazer heißen. Aber ihr Ziel ist immer das gleiche: So viel wie möglich davon mitzubekommen, was Menschen miteinander reden. Nun ist es also Prism.