Category Archives: Habitudes

Suspect X From County Y

April 2, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Or German of the day: Migrationshintergrund.

Angst

That means migration background.

It might be the norm in other countries, but in Germany, revealing a criminal’s country of origin in the media is still highly controversial. But some say that doing so can even serve to rectify prejudiced opinions.

Rectify prejudiced opinions? You mean, knowing the truth might “rectify” the opinions you don’t want people to have? Sure, that might be a good start. Might not be. Hard to say for sure.

The suspect is a “German WITHOUT a migration background.”

German Of The Day: Pest oder Cholera

March 26, 2017 By in Habitudes, Helections, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

That means the plague or cholera. You know, as in having to choose between the two?

Saarland

That’s what voters in Saarland get to do today: Ch00se between Merkel’s too big to fail plague or “Schulz effect” cholera. May the best pestilence win.

Germany’s election year gets under way in earnest on Sunday when voters in Saarland choose a new state assembly, the first test of the Social Democrats’ surge in polls since they chose Martin Schulz to run against Merkel in September. The chancellor’s Christian Democrat-led bloc and the SPD were even at 32 percent each in an Infratest Dimap national poll published Friday.

Steinmeier First President Ever To Put Parliamentarians Asleep During First Half Of Swearing-In Ceremony

March 22, 2017 By in Habitudes, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

In a refreshing twist on the rather staid traditions of German presidential swearing-in ceremonies of the past, Germany’s new president, Frank-Walter Steinmeier (SPD), broke with protocol and chose a speech that put a large number of German parliamentarians asleep a mere seven minutes into the ceremony.

Steinmeier

“Wah?” said one startled representative from Rhineland-Palatinate as a Bundestag usher gently nudged him awake. “Good point. I couldn’t agree more!”

Steinmeier is regarded by many in Berlin as possessing the qualities necessary for the office of president: He is boring, ineffective, mediocre in every way and… Boring.

“Germany needs strong leadership, especially in the current situation.”

Forbidden Terrorist Organization?

March 19, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

So much for Verbote (bans) in Germany.

PKK

On the one hand, nobody has any problem refusing to let Turkish ministers hold pro-government rallies here, but when the outlawed Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK) organizes a demonstration with 30,000 protestors carrying their banned party symbols, that ain’t no big deal, either.

How could Erdogan and Co. possibly think that there is a double standard being applied here, right? Wow. Do the Germans really think that this is going to contribute in helping to bring Erdogan under control? Erdogan wins big with this one.

Die PKK ist in Deutschland seit 1993 als Terrororganisation verboten. Erst vor kurzem hatte die Bundesregierung das PKK-Verbot ausgeweitet und auch das öffentliche Zeigen von Öcalan-Porträts untersagt.

Childless Chancellor Concerned About German Reproduction Rate

March 16, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

Distraught by her countrywomen’s rotten reproduction record, childless German Chancellor Angela Merkel has called an emergency demography strategy summit in Berlin.

Population

“What’s with these Luschen (duds)?” The cranky chancellor asked her clueless ministers. “I mean, this isn’t rocket science we’re talking about here. Don’t they, you know, show them films and stuff at school about this, you know, kind of thing? Even I’ve seen films like that, you know. Once, I think.”

I think Germany is below average in terms of the help provided to young people. And Germany is certainly below average in the attitude that women with children should not work. In most countries it was like that 50 years ago but not today. That is just very detrimental to fertility.

Your Fifteen Minutes Are Up, Martin

March 10, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helections, Helplessness, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

According to Andy Warhol, as you all know: “In the future, everyone will be a popular German chancellor candidate for 15 minutes.” So you can move on now, Martin Schulz (SPD). You’ve done your time.

Schulz

In the latest poll taken by ZDF-Politbarometer, 44 percent of those asked said they would support Martin Schulz for chancellor in the coming election. The same number would also support Angela Merkel, however. Last month the numbers were 49 percent for Schulz and 38 percent for Merkel.

Im ZDF-Politbarometer sprechen sich bei der Frage, wen man nach der Bundestagswahl lieber als Kanzler oder Kanzlerin hätte, jetzt 44 Prozent für Merkel und ebenfalls 44 Prozent Schulz aus. Vergangenen Monat hatte der SPD-Mann mit 49 Prozent noch einen deutlichen Vorsprung vor der Amtsinhaberin, die nur auf 38 Prozent kam.

Turks Kick Off New Tourism Campaign To Lure Germans To Turkey By Calling Them Nazis

March 8, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: , , , , 2 Comments

Its tourism sector taking a real battering this year for some inexplicable reason, Turkish authorities are now attempting to lure German tourists to Turkey by calling them Nazis.

Turkey

“Please come visit our beautiful country, you Nazi swine,” a representative of President Recep Tayyip Erdogan said yesterday in Berlin. “You are the infidel scum of the earth worthy to be put to a horrible death by slow roasting and will enjoy to the fullest our fascinating culture, stunning beaches and helpful, friendly personnel, all at an unbeatable low price.”

At the ITB fair in Berlin, 132 Turkish companies under the auspices of the Turkish Culture and Tourism Ministry will have the chance to promote the campaign.

Two From Togo To Go?

March 6, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings Tags: , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Two violent and drunken asylum seekers from Togo (Syrian migrants, I assume) who smashed up their asylum center because of the lousy mobile phone reception there?

Togo

To go back home to Togo, I mean? Right. Wahrscheinlich (probably).

A German police officer has been severely injured in a weekend riot by drunken refugees armed with iron bars who smashed their accommodation centre to smithereens. Two men from Togo and six from Ghana went berserk at their asylum home in Rees-Haldern, near the Dutch border a DAY after moving in because they were ‘unhappy’ with their quarters.

„Die Infrastruktur gefiel ihnen nicht und es gibt dort wohl Netzprobleme was den Handyempfang angeht.“

Can I Have My False Pleasantries Back?

March 5, 2017 By in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

German facial expression of the day: Staring.

Stare

Oddity 34. You know you are in Germany when you regularly find yourself being stared at for no clearly discernible reason. I don’t know if Germans necessarily like to stare but they sure do it a lot.  A nice term a friend of mine prefers using is “unfiltered curiosity” but it’s staring all the same.

But it’s a wonderful trait: Firstly, you know the person is listening intently (they really are); secondly, since it’s very difficult to look someone in the eyes and speak coherently and come up with pleasant little white lies, the false pleasantries vanish and the conversation becomes honest and true – leading toward a final deep dive into the other’s soul.