How Can That Be, One Out Of Three?

October 10, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypochondria Tags: Berlin, Disease Mongering, Fraud, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Mental Illness, Satire, Scams Leave a comment

Oh no. Not this lady again.

The latest greatest medical insurance study is out and it is like so totally full of it that I feel like running off to my Arzt (doctor) right this minute to get krankgeschrieben (written up sick) only he’s closed now, of course, which is probably for the best.

Anyway, this study claims that one out of three Berliners is mentally ill! One out of three? Can you believe that bullshit? Anybody who lives here knows that it’s two-thirds easy.

In Berlin waren mehr als 34 Prozent und in Brandenburg knapp 29 Prozent der erwerbstätigen Versicherten im Jahr 2012 von einer psychischen Erkrankung betroffen. Auch die Zahl der Krankschreibungen wegen Depressionen und anderer psychischer Leiden war in Berlin weitaus höher als im Bundesdurchschnitt.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun!

October 9, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, High Art, Higher Education, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy, Hysteria Tags: Electricity, Energiewende, Energy, German, Germans, Germany, Nuclear energy, Renewable energy, Subsidies Leave a comment

On the double! And no, you’re not seeing double. Electricity prices have nearly doubled for German consumers since 2000.

So I guess this famous German Energiewende (energy turnaround) is what one could call a two-edged sword. You know, something having a double meaning?

Germans are leading a double life if you ask me. If they still think that this is going to work, I mean. So stop the double-talk already, people. Get this Energiewende nonsense over with on the double before you end up doubled up with laughter – and those men in the white coats come to take you away.

Etwas läuft schief am deutschen Strommarkt: Während Stadtwerke sich seit Jahren über sinkende Strompreise freuen, hat sich der Preis für Verbraucher einer Studie zufolge seit 2000 fast verdoppelt.

Where Are Germans The Happiest?

October 8, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings Leave a comment

Well if you go by the annual German happiness map, it sure ain’t Berlin. Berliners rank 14th out of 19.

But at least they’re in good bad company. The whole former GDR East surrounding the city seems to be absolutely miserable. I think they need to start asking different questions here if they ever want to turn these results around. You know, like where do Germans like to moan the most?

Germans’ average happiness level of seven places them ninth in Europe, behind leaders Norway (8.8), Sweden (8.2) and the Netherlands (7.9).

American Security Staff Abuses Asylum Seekers In German Shelter

October 6, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Hate, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Asylum Seekers, German, Germans, Germany, Refugees 3 Comments

German authorities are investigating at least two American male security staff for apparent abuse of asylum seekers in their care in a special housing facility in Burbach, Germany.

The two American suspects, speaking perfect German and having German passports, filmed and photographed their deplorable actions on their mobile phones.

“These are pictures that we would associate with Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib,” everyone in the country babbled mindlessly in unison. “Both security guards are grinning so they just have to be American.”

Buy Amerikan!

October 5, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Humor Tags: Ancestry, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Industry, Investment, Satire, Takeovers, USA Leave a comment

These are not real Germans.

Don’t be fooled by the authentic German attire and flags. These are actually US-Amerikaner with German Wurzeln. Only now they call them roots.

America’s German roots are rich and strong. From California to New York, 48m people claim German ancestry, which would make them the country’s biggest diaspora. But when it comes to owning businesses in America, Germany has punched below its weight, with only 8% of the stock of foreign direct investment (FDI) there. It ranks 7th, behind France, Britain and Japan, among others. British and Japanese firms are especially prone to megalomaniac episodes in which they seek, and fail, to conquer America. German firms have been more cool-headed.

This year, however, things have changed. German giants such as Siemens, SAP, Bayer and Infineon have been on a spree, so far spending more than $65 billion on American firms. Of all the American companies receiving foreign bids this year, a fifth were from German buyers, measured by value. And of all the cross-border takeovers worldwide led by German firms, 60% were for American firms.

Radicalized German Islamists

October 3, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Exports, German, Germans, Germany, Pacifism, Terror, Terrorists, Xenophobia Leave a comment

Beautiful German weapon sale of the week.*

Because somebody has to admire them.

A Bavarian criminal investigator has admitted that the state once actively encouraged radicalized Islamists wanting to fight in the Middle East to leave Germany.

* OK. These are giveaways.

Gazprom Gerd Pushing To Pass More Russian Gas

October 1, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Crimea, Dependency, Gas, Gazprom, German, Germans, Germany, Nord Stream, Putin, Russia, Sanctions, Schroeder, Social Democracy, SPD, Ukraine Leave a comment

To Germany, that is. Not less (less was yesterday).

And being chairman of the Shareholders’ Committee of Nord Stream, the Russian-German natural gas pipeline (51 percent owned by Gazprom, the Russian state gas monopoly), has absolutely nothing whatsoever at all in the slightest to do with this push one itty-bitty tiny little bit.

Former Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder (SPD) said Wednesday that Germany should deepen energy ties with Russia and urged an end to sanctions. Schroeder, who served as Social Democratic chancellor from 1998 to 2005, retains close ties to Russian President Vladimir Putin and celebrated his 70th birthday this year in St. Petersburg, where he was photographed in a bear hug with the Russian leader.

“We would be well-advised to further expand this energy and raw materials partnership with Russia.”

The Germans Are Coming!

September 30, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Hard Facts, Helplessness, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Germans, Germany, Hogan's Heroes, Humor, ISIS, NATO, Putin, Satire, Terror 2 Comments

Just not right now.

Germany wants to strengthen its role in international affairs. But recent reports suggest the country’s weapons systems are in such disrepair that Berlin actually has very little to offer its partners.

Ramshackle Military at Odds with Global Aspirations

German Of The Day: Wetter

September 29, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Helplessness, Hideology, Home Cooking, Humor, Hurt Feelings, Hysteria Tags: Conservation, Ecology, German, Germans, Germany, Humor, Satire, The Green Shirts, Water 1 Comment

No, let’s make that the English word of the day instead. Not Wetter, German for weather, let’s go with the English word wetter. You know, as in there are few countries out there that could possibly be wetter than Germany?

But that doesn’t stop Germans from going completely overboard when it comes to unnecessary water conservation measures, of course (and don’t say you heard it from me but it’s the German water mafia I tell you).

People here are known to flush toilets with old bath water and to take turns bathing in the same tub without refilling it. New German toilets typically use about two gallons of water for a full flush and less than one for water-saving.

Conserving water is an expression of personal virtue and social responsibility. But as scholars, utility managers, and municipal officials point out, there is a dark side to the impulse. Sewage stagnates in too-large canals and noxious gas is corroding cement. Basements in Berlin are flooding because of the rising water table.

“Water Saving in Germany Is Nonsense.”

And In Other News: Germany Unable To Deliver On Its NATO Promises

September 28, 2014 By Hermann Observer in Habitudes, Hard Facts, Heconomy, Helplessness, Home Cooking, Hurt Feelings, Hustle (Hoax), Hypocrisy Tags: Bundeswehr, Defense, Germany, ISIS, Military, NATO, Russia, Ukraine Leave a comment

Ain’t no big deal. It’s not like NATO partners could ever get attacked or anything.

And besides, it’s not the Bundeswehr’s fault. “Industry” let them down again (or the lack of it?).

Germany could not currently fulfill its NATO commitments in the event of an attack on a member of the alliance, owing in part to severe backlogs in replacement parts for its aircraft.

“With our airborne systems we are currently below the target figures announced one year ago, defining what we would want to make available to NATO within 180 days in the case of an emergency,” Defense Minister von der Leyen told the “Bild am Sonntag” newspaper. “Delays for replacement parts for our planes and the missing helicopters are the reason for this.”

Observing Hermann

“Was interessiert mich mein Geschwätz von gestern?”

Category Archives: Hard Facts