Brilliant “Master Solution” Falling Apart

When “good guys” like the Deutsche Bank get raided after being suspected of incorrectly claiming some €211 million in tax rebates from the trade in carbon tax certificates, then it’s time to also suspect that the days of this nonsensical European emissions trading have finally reached their end.

Cap-and-trade

In case your were wondering: Emissions trading or cap-and-trade is a market-based approach used to control pollution by providing economic incentives for achieving reductions in the emissions of pollutants.  A central authority (usually a governmental body) sets a limit or cap on the amount of a pollutant that may be emitted. The limit or cap is allocated or sold to firms in the form of emissions permits which represent the right to emit or discharge a specific volume of the specified pollutant. Firms are required to hold a number of permits (or allowances or carbon credits) equivalent to their emissions. The total number of permits cannot exceed the cap, limiting total emissions to that level. Firms that need to increase their volume of emissions must buy permits from those who require fewer permits.

Well, it turns out that the European “carbon market” is now flooded and recent EU efforts to fix the system have only served to highlight how lame it is, yada, yada, yada, thus further eroding the price of a ton of carbon dioxide emissions permitted. Government intervention at its best again, in other words.

You know how that old saying goes: “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’

EU-Klimakommissarin Connie Hedegaard will den Preisverfall der CO2-Zertifikate stoppen, der nach ihrer Meinung ein System unterminiert, das einst als Meisterlösung für die weltweite Klimaverschmutzung gepriesen wurde.

Secret Weapons Deals?

Since when has any of this been a secret?

Made in Germany.

That Germany is the world’s third largest weapons exporter, I mean (preferably to the Middle East these days, by the way). So what’s the problem here? Germany is simultaneously the world’s number one pacifist nation too, you know.

But to make matters even, uh, better, some here are unabashedly calling this enlightened policy “the Merkel Doctrine” now: It’s better to maintain peace by selling weapons, rather than have to fight for it. They have to be German weapons, of course. But still. You know, help those who help themselves while you’re helping yourself at the same time?

Wait a minute. Hasn’t that always been the doctrine here?

Waffen verkaufen, statt selber zu kämpfen.

Climate Activists Unable To Curtail Their Toxic Emissions After Latest Failed Climate Talks

Mad as hell about the latest failed United Nations climate talks held at Doha (that’s number 18 now, I believe), climate activists and environmentalists everywhere have begun emitting huge amounts of angry hot air in a desperate attempt to vent their frantic frustration at this latest “betrayal” to, uh, reality.

Doha

Cursing, wailing, spitting and hissing sounds have been registered all over our globally warmed up globe, punctuated by regular reports of urgent pouting and stomping noises.

One group of activists is open to reason, however, having pledged instead to collectively hold their breaths until turning blue in the face together.

“It has long been evident that the United Nations talks were at best a partial solution to the planetary climate change problem, and at worst an expensive sideshow.”

PS: Thanks for the way cool CO2 gas mask link, A.K.

Yuppie Scum Need Not Apply

What would you do if hords of uninvited strangers suddenly started pouring into your city for temporary visits in order to pump boatloads of money into your local economy? What would you do if affluent and upwardly mobile young expats moved into your neighborhood(s) and started opening businesses, buying homes and increasing the property values there?

Gentrification here? Nein, danke!

Why you’d freak the hell out and demand that they get the freak out of Dodge by sundown, wouldn’t you? Oh, you wouldn’t? Then you’re not German. Worse still: You don’t live in Berlin and you’re not a Berliner, either.

Viva the Hipster Antifa Neukölln or something.

“The anti-foreigner thing started as a bit of a joke but now it is much more serious. This is critical, it is sneaking into mainstream thinking – it’s almost being perceived as normal to dislike tourists.”

Google Now Evil Panic Mongering And Cheap Propaganda Machine Or Something

German lawmakers were clearly shocked upon learning that Google would not be warmly welcoming their proposed legislation to let publishers charge search engines for displaying newspaper articles.

The search engine giant has reacted instead by initiating a campaign to mobilise public opinion against the proposed bill and calling for the public to “defend your web,” a company spokesman noting: “An ancillary copyright means less information for consumers and higher costs for companies.”

German Justice Minister Sabine Leutheusser-Schnarrenberger said that she for one was astonished that Google was trying to monopolise opinion-making. “Why, that’s our job,” she might have said.

“The campaign initiated by Google is cheap propaganda.”

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Warum das Leistungsschutzrecht keine gute Idee ist:

Generell sehen die Forscher die Gefahr, dass auf deutsche Presseprodukte gar nicht mehr verlinkt werde, „jedenfalls nicht unter Verwendung von Snippets, die für effiziente Internetrecherchen jedoch elementar sind“. Sie warnen in ihrem Schreiben, das namhafte Urheberrechts- und Medienrechtsexperten unterstützen, vor negativen Folgen für die deutsche Volkswirtschaft. Ihre Schlussfolgerung: „Gesamthaft betrachtet scheint der Regierungsentwurf nicht durchdacht. Er lässt sich auch durch kein sachliches Argument rechtfertigen.“

The N-Word

You know, it starts with an n and ends with an r*? Do not even think about using it over here in Germany these days, people. Not that you would even want to or anything, even if you could. I’m just sayin’.

Why is this the case? I’ll tell you why. Because everybody’s all touchy these days. German power grids are less stable than they ought to be and nobody wants to address the reason why that is. Folks have gotten all sensitive and defensive because, well, because of that “power networks more unstable since n-word drop-out” thing.  And no, I didn’t think up that subtitle. I’m just quoting it, sort of. Civilized folks don’t use the n-word. And I ain’t a-gonna use it either.

Kritisch werden könnte es nach Auffassung von Fachleuten generell vor allem in Süddeutschland, wo der Strom der abgeschalteten Atomkraftwerke fehlt.

* “Nuclear”

We Ain’t No Fools

It’s either all or nothing when you’re the SPD and it comes to German tax evaders with Swiss bank accounts. So, uh, we’ll take nothing.

It has to do with principle or something. Rejecting the deal that would have allowed Germans with “undeclared assets in Switzerland to avoid punishment by making a one-off payment” was absolutely essential for Germany’s opposition Social Democrats. Because, well, because why was that again? Oh yeah, now I remember. Because by passing the Swiss tax deal, the Genossen (comrades) explain, this would have made “honest taxpayers feel like fools.”

So now the honest taxpayers the SPD is so concerned about lose out on roughly 180-200bn euros that they will have come up with themselves (because the SPD would never in their wildest dreams ever even consider cutting spending – reducing taxes – on the other side of the equation). But at least they won’t have to feel like they’re fools while doing so.

“The German upper house has missed a major opportunity to reach a fair, optimum and sustainable solution for all parties to definitively settle the bilateral tax issues.”

You Can’t Even Count On German Hypochondria Anymore

One can only muster up just so much angst, I guess. Even if you’re a German. There’s just never going to be enough of it to go around to make everybody happy. I mean unhappy.


 
That’s right. Current German Angstzustände (states of anxiety) just ain’t what they used to be. German angst being the complex, ever-changing and unstable condition that it is, a new Forsa study has indicated that, for the moment at least, Germans are actually more frightened of the ongoing European debt crisis than they are of the worries they make about their own health, or lack of it.

How it could come to this unexpected result is very puzzling for many, myself included, but one researcher has come up with a startling new theory that might explain this sudden and eerie angst turnaround. He believes that the permanent media reports about sicknesses and health risks stir up people’s worries and fears (duh), but with all the media attention being focused on the debt crisis these days, common disease mongering has simply been coming up too short on the angst Skala (scale).

Boy I sure hope that they finally get this Eurpean debt crisis crap over with soon so we can get back to business.

“Es scheint, als ob permanente Medienberichte über Krankheiten und Gesundheitsrisiken auch die Ängste der Menschen schüren.”

Dropping Like Flies?

Or Totgesagte leben länger (there’s life in the old dog yet)?

Last week, the Frankfurter Rundschau filed for bankruptcy. The DAPD press agency had already gone down a few weeks earlier.

Now the German business daily Financial Times Deutschland has become “the latest casualty of the chill winds sweeping the global newspaper industry.”

What was that I read while surfing the other day again? Stuff printed on dead trees? What’s that?

“Ich werde Eure kurzweilige Art zu schreiben wahnsinnig vermissen! Die FTD ist eine tolle Zeitung und ich hoffe, dass ihr wenigstens online weitermachen könnt!”